Monumental Moments
by aseriesofhellos
Summary: When Bella walked in on her husband with his secretary she had no idea how to move past it. Luckily a certain Edward Masen was there to help pick her up off the floor... literally. A story about growth, friendship, and ultimately love.
1. not wanted

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or these characters, if I did there would be more sexin' and no half-vampire babies.**

this is my second rewrite of chapter one, and I'm still not happy with it. So please don't base your opinions on this alone.

* * *

I have never believed in fate.

I have never believed that our destiny has already been chosen, no matter what path you take.

I believe that each moment in life dictates what our future entails.

That each moment is brought upon by a series of choices, nor matter how big or small.

Whether or not we make these choices for ourselves, or someone else makes them for us.

Today I walked into my house at 12:30, with arms fully loaded of Babies R' Us shopping bags.

This was my choice.

My husband screwing his secretary in a position that seemed to defy gravity at that _exact_ moment was his.

This moment in my life was not planned.

This moment was not wanted.

It changed my life forever.


	2. first times

There are some moments in life when there are so many crucial emotions surging through your brain that it just shuts down. Instead of being capable to make a controlled responsible decision, you find yourself doing the very thing you _shouldn't_ be doing.

At this particular moment, the sudden influx of emotions almost knocks me to my feet. Shock, confusion, anger, hurt, and then just…numb.

I stand there, nailed to the ground and stare at them. Her arms are shaking from the weird position she is in, and he is having trouble holding onto her because of the sweat glistening from their bodies. I listen to the soft grunts and gasps that pour from their lips. Each and every sound of pleasure tears new holes into my heart.

It could be seconds, minutes, or hours but I can't stop. It's like watching a fatal car crash, but I'm the one who isn't walking away alive from this.

Trying to gain control, I take a deep breath and exhale.

Even though I'm not yet at the point for basic motor skills I know I don't have to move, because the widening of Jacob's eyes tells me that he sees me standing there, and the nightmare will end.

It doesn't.

_inhale_

_exhale_

I finally notice the tendons protruding from Jacob's neck. I see the shaking of his legs. I hear his breathing turn to shallow gaps. I realize that not even an earthquake can make him stop when he's so close to the brink.

_inhale_

_exhale_

I drop my bags, turn around, and run.

I should run to my best friend Alice's house so I can collapse and cry into her arms._  
_  
I should run to her brother Emmett's house and ask him to knock out every one of Jacob's perfect pretty veneers.

I should run to the nearest hotel room to drown myself in every item of the room service menu and watch lifetime movies, because 70% of the time those fuckers only deal with cancer, and I could use a healthy dose of death.

Instead, I run to my red Chevy pick up truck and somehow manage to drive myself to the neighborhood Barnes and Noble.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

As a recipient of a bachelor's degree in English, I always feel a bit guilty when shopping in this massive two story brick building. The pretentious side of me feels like I should only browse through mom and pop book stores with the local freaks and geeks while sipping on a cappuccino. However, I like to buy books. I like to buy copious amounts of books, and the over abundant stock and membership discounts are just too good to pass up.

So when I step through the mock green French doors I know exactly where I'm headed without a single thought. Across the floor, up the escalators, take a left, pass five rows of shelves, and end in a slight right. I sit down on the beige carpet in front of my intended section with a loud plop.

_inhale_

_exhale_

After the shaking of my hand subsides I grab the closest book and turn my body clockwise so I can sit against the bookshelves.

It doesn't take an A+ in psych 101 to understand what I'm doing. My mind is on self-defense mode. I saw them, I know I saw them, but I can't focus on what exactly they were doing _together_ right now, I only allow myself to focus on the act itself.

Thus the reason why I have a sexual positions guide in my hands.

Once I pass the threshold of actually opening the daunting book, I start to flip through the glossy white pages with fervor. One by one I flip, only pausing long enough to decide if the tangle of limbs on each page are what I need.

In another frame of mind I would have been highly curious of some of these positions. I possibly might have even bought this little ditty for my collection.

But I am definitely not in the right frame of mind, and I am here on a mission; a mission that is accomplished when I turn to page 63.

_The Wheelbarrow._

Described as a rigorous position that is both stimulating for the recipient and the receiver.

If they hadn't been naked, I would have thought I was looking at two adults playing games such as those of an elementary P.E. class.

But wheelbarrow races on a school playground are far more innocent than this.

I can only describe this position as a tool to possibly ruin Bella Swan-Black's marriage, and possibly life as she knows it.

I stare at the page. I don't want to think about it because it hurts, but oh god I can't stop as it comes rushing to me. The figures start to morph on the page below me, no longer a fair skinned adventurous couple. They turn into an olive-toned Jacob Black pounding into an equally dark Leah Clearwater. They are my husband and his secretary ruining my marriage while I watch in the doorway. They are flashbacks of our first house, our wedding, and the first time we met. They are all the moments in my life that revolve around Jacob.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

The love story of Bella Swan and Jacob Black isn't new and it isn't exciting. We are the classic tale of two kids who become friends, lovers, then husband and wife.

The first time I met Jacob I was 14. I was on my annual summer vacation with my father Charlie in Forks, WA. After years of several failed attempts, he finally convinced me to try fishing. We met up with Charlie's friend Billy Black, and Billy's son Jacob. Jacob, who was missing a "wicked" day of surfing with his friends at the nearby La Push beach, decided to take out his anger on me. The fishing trip ended when I forcefully shoved a worm up Jacob's nose.

The next time I saw Jacob was a year later. After several minutes of trying to remember me, Jacob asked me and my new boobs simultaneously if we could start over and become friends. He introduced me to all of his friends from the nearby reservation and even let me help restore his VW Rabbit. That summer ended with promises to keep in touch through exchanged phones numbers until the next year.

The few summers after that were a blur of new feelings, first kisses, and taken virginities.

When we were 18 we moved in together, in a shabby studio apartment across from our school, Arizona State University.

When we were 20 we decided that we might as well just get married, and we took the bus to the downtown courthouse.

When we were 24 Jacob opened up a car dealership and hired his old friend Leah from the reservation to be his secretary, and I got a job as a receptionist for the Arizona Republic News.

At 25 we bought a 3 bedroom Santa Fe styled home in the sub-city of Tempe, and life become easy.

Our love story was composed of answers such as why not, might as well, and sure. I've always been okay with that.

Since I was a little girl, I never expected to have the type of clichéd love that "burned with a power of a thousand suns." My mother Renee and Charlie showed me exactly what happened when a flame like that could burn out. Instead, our love was like the slow crackling campfire you wake up to the next morning.

Our love was easy, realistic, and safe.

Until now.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I don't even realize I'm crying until I hear the soft pitter patter of tears falling on the pages below. The sound snaps me out of my trance.

_inhale_

_exhale_

I need to take back control of this new life, because it isn't just me who I am responsible for. I tilt my head down, place one hand on my lower abdomen, and try to find my calm.

I don't open my eyes again until I hear a throat clear from above. As my eyes open, I become face-to-face with knee caps dressed in dark denim jeans.

With tears streaming down my face, snot bubbling out of my nose, and a picture of naked people sitting on my lap, is the first time I see Edward Masen.


	3. my spawn

"Please don't cry miss, I assure you that it isn't as hard as it looks."

Since the voice that belongs to the knee caps sounds like liquid sex, I figure I might as well stop staring at his knees before I answer him.

I slowly raise my head up, blink my eyes to try and clear the tears, and see a toned torso in a tight white t-shirt.

_blink_

I see a strong jaw line covered in a five o'clock shadow, and lips that could put Angelina Jolie out of a job, but still somehow look masculine.

_blink_

I see a pair of the fiercest green eyes I have ever seen, and the craziest shade of auburn hair sticking up in all directions.

_blink_

With nowhere else to look, I answer the Greek god with the most intelligent answer I have.

"Wh-wh-what?" asks Stuttering Stanley.

He smirks at my response, but quickly changes his expression to a turned down lip and furrowed brow.

"I'm sorry," he says, "When I find myself in uncomfortable situations I tend to make inappropriate jokes." He then looks down at the ground, ashamed.

"If your uncomfortable, there a chairs just around the corner," replies Brainless Betsy.

He then chuckles at me, a sound that makes me want to hug his legs.

"No, I'm uncomfortable when I see crying girls on bookstore floors."

"Look I'm sorry…it's just been a really traumatizing day for me," I tell him, trying to gain back some form of dignity.

He looks contemplative. "Well, how about we go sit in those chairs around the corner and you tell me all about it," he says in a serious voice, but his eyes look mischievous.

For some reason I actually want to talk to this complete stranger, and not just because of his beautiful face. I try to shift my legs, and to my embarrassment they have fallen asleep.

"I would, but I don't think I can move just yet."

"Easy fix," he replies.

When he starts bending down I think he's just going to sit on the floor with me. Instead he grabs me by my arms, lifts me off the ground like a rag doll, spins me around, and with his hands still on my shoulders he gently nudges me to start walking.

With each step I take it feels like needles are stabbing my sleepy legs. The way I can feel his arms shaking with laughter tells me that he notices my awkward stumbling.

When we reach the set of arm chairs in my favorite secluded corner, I brake free of his death grip and sprint so I can get the more comfortable dark brown leather chair and jump into it.

He shakes his head and chuckles at my childish antics, then places himself gracefully in the dark green suede chair across from me.

"So, tell me why your day was so traumatizing."

With an exasperated sigh I answer, "I don't even know where to start."

"How about you start with your name," he suggests while sporting a cocky grin.

"Isabella Marie Swan-Black, but you could call me Bella…and you?"

"Edward Anthony Masen the 3rd, but you could call me Edward."

"Wow, I've met juniors but I haven't met any thirds."

He chuckles again. "I guess you can cross that one off of your to do list then."

The fact that I made him create that delicious sound a third time makes me want to smile, so I do.

Edward smiles back.

"Okay Bella, now that we've been introduced, why don't you tell me what happened," he says with an eager expression.

I mull over whether I want to tell him what happened with Jacob. I'm not sure if I'm ready to say the words out loud, but when I see the way Edward is looking at me like a kid waiting for his bedtime story I just blurt it out.

"I walked in on my husband and his secretary having sex in my bedroom," I practically shout.

I stare into Edwards remorseful eyes to try and keep myself from having a panic attack, and just as he opens his mouth to respond I say, "And I'm pregnant with his baby!"

If this were a comedic movie, Edward would have been drinking something at the moment so he could spit it all over my face.

With impossibly wide eyes he asks," you-you-you're pregnant?"

I could only nod and bite my lip to keep the stuttering comments to myself.

He exhales a shaky breath and while looking out the window next to us he whispers, "Well this complicates things."

I would make a snarky comment like "no shit Sherlock," but the way he said it almost to himself makes me just pretend that I didn't hear him.

Since he is busy looking out of the window, to regroup himself I guess, I'm able to take a closer look at Edward. I take notice of the finer details, like the black smudges on his worn down black and white converse, the way his forearm muscles flex while he grips the arms of his chair like a stress ball, and how his left sideburn is slightly longer than the right. The way Edward looks is not uncommon, but for some reason he seems completely unique.

I am completely intrigued.

When he finally looks back at me he somehow manages to say in an equally angry and sympathetic voice, "Bella I'm so sorry for what that dog did to you. I can't image how you feel right now, but I can say that he obviously doesn't deserve you, or your child."

I can feel the floodgates start to open again, so I just give a quiet, "thank you."

"Although," he says with a humorless laugh, "I can't believe you are managing to keep yourself so put together right now."

I laugh at that, and while wiping the one tear that managed to escape I say, "you only saw the end of the break down earlier and I think I've reached my limit… so why don't you tell me about yourself?"

"Hmm let's see." He pauses and runs his fingers through his hair.

His long, limber, fingers.

_Sweet baby Jesus._

"I was born and raised in Chicago, I'm an only child, I play the piano whenever I have time to myself, and I've never had a sun burn until I moved here."

I have to laugh at that, I'll probably die of melanoma cancer because of the Phoenix sun.

"Why did you decide to move to Phoenix Edward?"

"After I finished my residency, my father's old colleague mentioned that Scottsdale was the perfect place to open up my own practice."

"Oh so you're a doctor? What kind?"

He looks down at his shoes and with a grimace he answers, "A plastic surgeon."

The first thing I think of when he says that is how he probably noticed how small my boobs are, and how my upper lip is freakishly bigger than the lower one.

"Don't do that," he snaps.

Confused at his tone, I look around to see what caused him to get upset. Since I have a feeling he doesn't talk to inanimate objects like books, I ask, "don't do what?"

"Don't get all self conscious on me and be afraid of me judging you."

I smile sheepishly, "Does that happen a lot?"

"Every single time, or at least whenever I tell a woman, and every single time I tell them that I much prefer natural beauties like yourself."

The way he looked into my eyes when he said that makes me blush, so I deflect, "If you prefer natural beauties why did you become a plastic surgeon?"

He laughs and answers, "It's kind of ridiculous. My father always wanted me to become a doctor like himself, and the pressure he was putting on me during medical school made me go through a rebellious stage. My friends always joked around and told me that if I was a plastic surgeon I could stare at tits all day, so after a pretty heated argument about my grades I told my father that's what I wanted to be. The look on his face was worth it, and once I realized that I would be spending my career dealing with vaginal reconstructions and rhinoplasties, I was too stubborn to change my mind."

I don't know whether to feel sorry for him or laugh, so I choose the latter.

"You're right Edward, that is completely ridiculous."

He grins at me, "I know right, and trust me…vaginal reconstructions are not as fun as they sound."

"Oh trust _me_, I would have never regarded a vaginal reconstruction as a fun activity."

We are both now grinning like idiots, but the sound of my cell phone blaring Queen's "Don't stop Me Now" ruins the moment.

"Bella, I never would have pegged you for a Queen fan," he says with a boyish excitement.

"It's for my best friend Alice, I swear the song was written for her."

I hold up my index finger to excuse myself and flip open my phone.

"Hey Alice, what's up"

"_Don't hey Alice me; what in the ever loving fuck is going on?"_

"Alice stop yelling at me! What's wrong?"

"_Bella just get over here. Right. Now."_

I give Edward a sad smile. "Okay Alice I'm on my way."

_click_

Edward's smile looks even more pathetic than mine. "You have to go now?"

"Yeah, Alice is just probably having another fashion emergency."

"It doesn't have anything to do with your husband?" he asks.

"I don't see why is would, you're the only person I've told."

He looks truly touched by that, "Okay, how about I walk you to your car?"

While walking out of the store we don't say anything. It isn't uncomfortable, but it feels way too much like the end of a first date.

When we reach my truck I fling open the door and hop up into the seat.

Holding onto the door frame and with another furrowed brow Edward says, "Bella, you should really keep your doors locked."

"Edward, not to sound rude, but who the hell would steal this piece of shit?"

He gives my decrepit truck a once-over and then laughs, "yeah, I guess you're right."

Neither of us seem to know what to say now, so I break the silence by saying "Edward," unfortunately at the same time he says "Bella," and we both give and even more awkward laugh.

Edward clears his throat and pretends to tip his imaginary hat, "Bella, it has been a truly unique, but pleasurable, experience."

I smile at his gentlemanly manner, "Edward, it most certainly has."

"I am sincerely sorry for what happened today, and I wish you all the good luck to you and your spawn," he smiles back.

I have to laugh at his weird statement. "I wish there was a way for my spawn and I to repay your kindness."

He opens up his mouth to say something, but he just shakes his head and says in a low voice, "goodbye Bella."

"Goodbye Edward."

With that he closes my door and starts walking across the parking lot.

I start up my truck and just watch Edward's retreating form. I try, but fail, to push the sense of longing out of my gut. I realize that every few steps his feet falter, but then he just shakes his head and keeps walking. I'm confused until I realize Edward pauses each time that awful sound goes off, and that noise is coming from my truck. My reliable truck that I've has since I was sixteen had just _died_ on me in my time of need. Frustrated at my bad luck, I slam my hands down and accidentally hit my horn.

I wait with baited breath to see if he'll actually turn around this time and he does, painfully slowly with a huge smile on his face.

He jogs back to my truck, practically rips my door open, and asks, "My lady, are you in need of a ride?"


	4. Jeffrey Dahmer

Unfortunately, after getting into Edward's soccer mom Volvo and giving directions to Alice's house, an awkward silence had settled over us. A fog so thick I felt as if I could choke on it.

Why had I been so stupid to think that he was actually wanted to spend this extra 10 minutes with me? A pregnant stranger spews all her issues on him and he actually smiles at the opportunity to chauffeur her ass around....yeah sure. The crooked smile I thought he was sporting on the way to my truck was probably more like a grimace.

I might as well add delusional to my growing list of issues.

_Lovely_

And what the hell do I say to him once he drops me off?

_Hey thanks for the ride, I would give you gas money but I kinda forgot my purse in haste to make it to my emotional breakdown… how about an extra side of drama and tears for your services?_

Of course, I'm so wrapped up in thinking about how uncomfortable the situation is that I don't even attempt to fix it and talk to the poor guy. I let out a quiet groan and bang my forehead on the window a few times.

If Edward notices the crazy girl next to him punishing herself, he doesn't say anything.

After driving through what feels like years of Chinese water torture, we finally arrive outside of Alice's house. I fly the door open with a mental hallelujah and turn my body to say goodbye to Edward for the second time in the past twenty minutes. When I gather up enough courage to look up at his face, I see him staring towards Alice's house with a perplexed expression.

There on the opposite side of the huge living room window, is the distant image of Alice and Jacob in some sort of argument. Alice is poking Jacob's chest with a menacing scowl, and her husband Jasper is just standing in the background.

It's like watching a silent movie. I can see their angry mouths moving but I can't hear the words.

I continue gaping at them and after a while Jasper's eyes flicker to mine. He says something, and Alice and Jacob both snap their heads left to Jasper, then right to Edward's car.

I watch in horror as they both disappear from the window and run out of the front door. They are both yelling my name and trying to push each other out of the way to reach me first, like two kids racing for the last swing set.

As if he could read my mind, Edward punches on the gas pedal right as I slam the car door shut, and we peel out of the suburban neighborhood.

"I take it that was the husband?"

"Yeah," I gasp. Apparently watching two adults on the verge of tackling me makes me lose my breath.

Edward lets out a low whistle. Yes Edward, I know. My life is like a three ring circus and sadly you were dragged into it.

"Is there anywhere else I can take you?"

"Know any decent hotels around here?" I can figure out the money problem once I get there.

"Sure, I know the perfect place," he answers as he flicks on the radio.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Thanks to Edwards's vast musical knowledge and his inability to take a joke about his beloved car, the ride to the hotel is much more comfortable.

After a couple minutes I realize we are driving through downtown Tempe. I think it's weird that he would take me someplace so close to the University on a Friday night, and once Edward stops the car I feel even more uneasy.

"Umm Edward, either this is a really shitty hotel or we're parked in front of an old warehouse building."

"You're right on the second one," he says with an amused smile.

"What, is this your m.o.? You pick up poor troubled females and take them back to your warehouse to kill them?" I jokingly ask, even though a small part of me isn't joking at all.

"Well I guess you're just going to have to wait and see," he smirks.

"You see Edward, I know you probably think you look all cute and cheeky when you joke like that, but when it comes to my life I would rather not 'wait and see'." I stupidly use air quotes.

"Look," he sighs in exasperation, "You shouldn't have to spend your money on a hotel room when I have a spare bedroom you could use. Besides, I think I have already proven that you can trust and count on me."

Despite the miniature police chief Charlie perched on my shoulder telling me what an idiot I am I know that I do trust Edward, so I open the door and say, "Alright Dahmer, show me your evil lair."

"Didn't Jeffrey Dahmer only kill boys?"

"Edward, the fact that you know that isn't really helping."

He just laughs as we reach the giant wooden door that opens the brick building. With a few twists and turns of different locks and knobs, Edward smiles down at me while opening the door.

My eyes are immediately assaulted with bright light. After blinking my eyes a few times to readjust, I look up and see that the light is coming from several rectangular shaped skylights lined up in rows.

The rest of the warehouse looks like something I would only see while sitting at my dentist's office and browsing through _Architectural Digest_.

Covered in dark cherry wooden floors and light beige walls, the warehouse is separated in sections that consist of a kitchen, a dining room, and a living area complete with over-stuffed bookshelves and a piano.

In the far right corner is a circular staircase that leads to a loft-style indoor balcony, where I assume the bedrooms and bathrooms are.

After taking in the antique furniture and all the massive pictures adorning the walls, I become conscious of the face that I am walking around a strangers home like I own the place. I spin around to find Edward, who is just watching me with his signature crooked grin, leaning against the doorway.

"Edward, this is fucking amazing."

"Yeah, it really is. The wife of my Dad's friend is a realtor or some shit like that, and when she helped me move down here I told her I liked homes that were a little unconventional… she kind of took my request to the extreme."

"I think it's perfect. Why do you live in Tempe if your practice is in Scottsdale?"

"It's not opened yet. I'm just renting this place until the few minor adjustments are done; probably only 3 more months," he explains.

"Oh." I don't want this to become awkward again, but I didn't really know what else to say. It was either an "oh" or a "cool."

Sensing the lull in the conversation, Edward tells me to make myself at home while he makes us a fast dinner. I would use my manners and tell him I'm fine, but the loud growling in my stomach has me worried that the vacuum currently taking up residence there will start eating my uterus if I don't eat something soon.

_I really should start reading those pregnancy books._

Instead of browsing through Edward's shelves like I really want to do, I decide to make myself useful and see if I can help him in the kitchen.

Edward puts me in charge of dicing the carrots and celery for the chicken salad, and after a few minutes of light conversation I just have to ask, "Edward, why are you being so nice to me?"

He doesn't stop dicing the chicken as he replies, "What do you mean?"

"What I mean is, not too many people would even approach an emotional train wreck like me, let alone let them stay in their house."

"Bella," he put down the knife and turns towards me, "because of my career, I'm surrounded daily with fake people whose only problems with life are mundane things like 'who's richer than me' and 'who's more attractive.' I like you because you are real. You look, act, and have problems just like real people do. I'm new here, and I could use a friend like you."

I'm embarrassed by my watering eyes. "That's really sweet of you, Edward."

"Plus, I find your life highly entertaining. It's like my own personal soap opera," he teases.

The smirk on his face is too cute to make any retort, so I settle by playfully nudging him with my hip.

Eating dinner with Edward is like eating dinner with an old friend. He asks me about mine and Jake's relationship and I'm surprised at how honest and forthright I am when answering him. I'm even more surprised when Edward answers my returning questions about his relationships.

"Honestly, the only relationship I have ever been in was about four months. The rest were simply one night stands, booty calls, or friends with benefits."

"Edward Masen," I gasp in mock surprise, "are you trying to tell me that you're a man whore?"

"Hah well if a man whore is what the kids are calling it these days, then yes I _was_."

I want to comment on the fact that he shouldn't sound so old and say things like "the kids" when he could easily pass as a 17 year old Abercrombie & Fitch model, but I'm sure he doesn't need his ego stroked.

"Was?" I asked.

"Yes was. I figure I might as well get a whole new life with my new career. The drinking, partying, and random girls… I'm too old for that shit."

Edward telling me that he wants a more serious relationship makes something inside me squirm, and it isn't the baby. It's a completely ridiculous reflex since I think a woman with a baby is a _little_ too serious for someone like him. Oh, and also the small fact that I AM STILL MARRIED.

Hoping that Edward doesn't see my internal conflict, I lift my water glass and hold it up in a toast, "Well friend, here's to our new beginnings."

We clink our glasses together and Edward quietly asks, "What exactly is your new beginning, Bella Swan-Black?" I easily hear the change in his tone as he says the name Black.

I answer his question with the best "duh" look I can muster.

He shrugs his shoulders sheepishly, and I remember that not everyone's ideas on relationships are as black and white as mine.

"When I was 5 my mom cheated on my dad. When Charlie found out Renee begged and pleaded that it was just a one time mistake, so he took her back. He was the only one surprised when Renee ended up leaving him only a couple years later for my step-dad Phil, and Charlie just simply _broke_. I love Charlie, but I always promised myself that I would never let someone treat me like that. Am I still hurt and upset? Abso-fucking-lutely. But when Jacob chose to cheat on me he ended our marriage for us. Pregnant or not, I refuse to stay with someone who obviously doesn't love me like I thought… if he even does still want to be with me."

When I was finish my rant Edward is looking at me like I'm one of those starving African children you see television commercials. I don't want him to waste any more minutes of his life feeling sorry for me, so I fake a yawn.

He snaps out of it and runs his fingers through his hair. "God I'm such a dick. After the day you just had, of course you're tired."

Well shucks, I didn't mean to make him feel all guilty, so I give him a "no problem" smile as we head upstairs.

When he shows me to the guest room I realize that I left my cell phone in his car, so he runs out to grab it for me while I change.

Asking Edward for sleeping clothes is just too embarrassing to even think about, so I quickly strip down to my boy shorts and tank top and climb under the big fluffy blanket.

After Edward comes back and puts my cell on the nightstand, he looks at a loss of what to do next. I don't really understand why he was just standing there, so I say, "Goodnight Edward, and thanks again for everything."

He softly sighs and crossed the room to turn off the light. While closing the door he whispers, "Goodnight Bella, see you in the morning."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Since I'm not really even tired I just lay there staring at the ceiling, and try to process everything that occurred today. I think about the five stages of grief.

1. _Denial_- I shudder as I think about the Barnes and Noble fiasco.

2. _Anger_- Well fuck, I'm a pregnant woman with raging hormones and a never-ending appetite… I get about seven more months to be an angry bitch.

3. _Bargaining_- Since this is more for people with a terminal illness, and there's no way in hell I'll be doing any bargaining with Jacob, I just skip this one.

4. _Depression_- That will just have to wait until tomorrow.

5._ Acceptance_- The last step may have been my easiest hurdle, but I'm not done just yet.

I decide it is time to face the music and turn on my phone. After clearing all the new voice mail and new text message alerts, I think about how I want to do this. I could take care of Alice tomorrow, and even though I'm not ready to speak to Jake I am a little curious on what he has to say, so I open up the last text out of about 30 that I received from him.

_Btw, tell Alice congrats_

It takes me a while to figure out what he is talking about, and I laugh bitterly as I remember the forgotten Babies R' Us bags on our bedroom floor.

Ironically, the one thing I thought would be good for our marriage led to its end. After finding out about a week ago that I was pregnant, I shockingly felt elated. Jacob always told me he didn't want children until were older, and I just agreed with him like always. I actually didn't even know if I wanted to have kids, but once it was there I had never been more excited. After years of letting Jake make all the decisions for us, I finally made something on my own. Something to sweep us off our feet and add a spark to our life. He may not have been ready for a baby, but I _was_ ready for a change. I was so excited that I even took that week off of work to transform our spare bedroom to a nursery so I could surprise Jacob with a bang.

If I hadn't gotten pregnant I never would have been home this Friday afternoon.

If I hadn't gotten pregnant I might have never known about the affair.

Instead of feeling resentment towards the little peanut growing inside me, I felt grateful.

I contemplate whether or not I should tell Jacob that those bags are mine, but the acidic side of me decides that he deserves to feel 1/8 as overwhelmed as he made me today. I reply to his text and immediately turn off my phone.

_Jake, look inside the spare bedroom..  
_


	5. let go

Despite being surrounded in warmth and cottony goodness, I can't seem to fall asleep. I'm in a strange limbo. I'm too mentally and physically exhausted to get out of bed but I can only toss and turn thinking of every little piece of my life- my marriage, my baby, my future, and my strange encounter with Edward.

_Edward _

The more the night turns into dawn, the more I realize just how inappropriate my actions have been. Jesus Christ, I'm here lying in a strange man's house because I liked his crooked grin and quirky chuckle. I'm here because when the big bad wolf Jacob Black hurt my feelings I had to run into the arms of the first man I came in contact with like a scared little girl. I'm here because I'm obviously not as strong and independent as I thought I was.

Yes I have several, albeit stupid, reasons for my actions, but what reasons did Edward have?

Since I can cross rape, murder, or even attraction off my list, the answer is simple: Edward Masen is a truly nice guy. When I wasn't drooling after his ridiculously good looks I spent our time spewing my sob story, and he did nothing but comfort me. He let a crying pregnant woman into his home for the sole purpose to help. I don't think he will every truly understand what a difference his kindness has made.

It doesn't matter that I find him funny and charming. It doesn't matter that if we had met under different circumstances we could be good friends.

What matters is that a selfless man like him deserves to have a fresh start without any complications or tragedies like the train wreck that is my life.

I have to let him go.

The clock on my cell phone reads 5:20. I quietly throw on my clothes and creep out into the hallway. After checking to make sure Edward is still in his room I pad down the staircase and go to the kitchen.

There on the refrigerator is a lined notepad with an attachable pen, one that a housewife would write her grocery list on. For some reason I find this characteristic incredibly endearing, and I add it to my mental file of all things Edward.

_Edward_

_I appreciate what you've done for me more than you'll ever know, but I think my life_

_may be just a little too real for you. _

_I hope that whenever you see a Barnes and Noble you'll think about that crazy pregnant chick you found crying on the floor, because I know I'll always think of you._

_I wish you all the best luck on your fresh start, _

_and thank you for everything,_

_Bella_

After leaving my farewell, I timidly unlock and open the front door. I walk through the fantasy realm I have been hiding in and enter my reality. Regardless of the low setting of the sun and the still freckled sky of stars, the May air is warm and stifling; I welcome it. With a heavy heart and a clutched stomach I make my way towards the closest familiar street corner, and call one of the few people I have left.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Okay so let me get this straight, Jake did in fact cheat on you?"

"Yes"

"And you're pregnant?"

"Yes"

"And no matter what he says, you won't be taking him back?"

"No"

"No?"

"Yes, I won't take him back"

_silence_

"Can I hug you now?"

"Yes."

With shy steps, Alice crosses her living room and snuggles into the small space available on the recliner. She intertwines her right arm with my left, and puts her other hand on my belly.

"You're going be a mommy," she says through her tears.

"I am," I reply through mine.

After picking me up this morning, the drive back to Alice's house was blissfully quiet. I could tell that Alice was dying to know the events of the past 24 hours, but not once did she speak. This is why she's my best friend. Not because she was the only one to approach a shy timid girl like me on my first day in a new school and proclaim to be life long friends. Not because whenever I look back on every important memory through the past fifteen years there's always been a five foot raven haired girl standing right next to me. It's because even though she is a gossiping, nosy freak by nature, she will always put others feelings before hers.

Once sitting inside her house with mugs of black coffee, she just said, "I think I know what happened, but I will wait until you're ready." And she did.

After a few hot sips I gained the strength to tell her. I told her everything. She gasped when she heard about Leah, and she laughed when she heard about the sex guide incident. God bless her I could see her visibly shaking with excitement when I finally explained who the driver of the silver Volvo was, but she knew that could be addressed later.

Alice then told me what happened with Jake. He apparently drove to Alice's house thinking I was already over there, and made a commotion from outside the house yelling and pleading me to let him explain. Once Alice let him in so he could see for himself that I wasn't there, he then shouted at her for hiding me, which is when Edward and I showed up.

I don't know how long we sit here crying and cuddling in our mommy-to-be hazy, but eventually we hear the sounds of her husband Jasper lazily walking down the stairs. After rubbing the sleep away from his eyes he takes one look at us, and then turns right back around.

"Poor Jazzy, he never could handle female emotions," Alice giggles. It's the type of giggle that says, "My husband is ridiculous but god I love him." The type of giggle that will never escape from my lips again. I try to laugh along with her but it just comes out as an unattractive gurgle/hiccup.

She looks back up at me and I see the compassion reflected in her steel gray eyes.

"Oh Bella, I would say I will go and kick Jake's ass right now but we'll leave that for my big oaf of a brother. All I can say is that Jasper and I will be here if you need anything, and we will more than happy to help take care of you and Baby Squish."

It takes me a moment to understand why she just referred to my child as "Squish".

"Oh god Alice I can't believe you remember!"

The moment I realized I was pregnant was all because of Alice. After a couple weeks of fatigue and nausea I was really starting to worry about my health, that is, until the day we went shopping for bathing suits. After modeling for Alice a skimpy white bikini she looked at me with a scrunched face.

"Bella, not to sound rude, but you may want to start doing some lower ab crunches, your looking a little squishy."

Once she said that I ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up my lunch. When finished, I counted three times on my fingers and realized that I missed my last period.

"Of course I remember," she laughs, "the Bella Swan I know wouldn't run out of a dressing room wearing a bikini, even because of a 'little stomach bug'."

Well, she does have a point. "For your information I'm not squishy and I'm not even showing, bloating just happens to be common during the first stages of pregnancy," I say with an indignant frown.

"Okay Bella, glad to know you're putting your Pregnancy for Dummies to good use."

What a little bitch.

"You know what Alice, I know what you can do for me, you can get off your size two ass and fetch me a pint of Ben and Jerry's, mama has some sulking do."

She just laughs and prances to the kitchen. "Silly Bella, just because in a few months time you'll need your own area code that doesn't give you the right to resent me."

The names I call her after that severely contradict the _whirled peace_ that I am shoving down my throat.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I spend the weekend locked up in Alice's guest bedroom. Since never having been through a breakup before, I just decide to go the cliché route. I leave my phone off for good, eat away my feelings through caramel swirled vanilla ice cream, and watch every depressing movie I can get my hands on.

Eventually Jacob loses his last ounce of dignity and returns to Alice's house, and by Sunday night he has come by a total of six times. Each and every encounter I just listen while he yells through the front door and Alice threatens him with 911. I feel bad that Alice and Jasper can't even relax during the weekend because of me, but Alice just assures me that it's her job as a best friend and a future godmother. I laugh and tell her someone needs to deflate her ego but we both know she will be.

I've never been the type to hide from my issues. I'm usually stubborn and determined to the point where even I sometimes can't stand myself, but in this situation I just don't know what to do. I want to work out all my shit in my own house, but I'm afraid of what I would discover there. Will Jake be there waiting for me? Will he be staying with Leah and playing house now that their relationship is in the open? I wonder if Leah even cares about what she's done to me. I picture a distressed Jake walking into her apartment. She sees his frown and immediately runs over and comforts him. He says how guilty he feels and she soothingly rubs his back. She tells him that she's sorry I'm hurt but she's glad I know, and all the while he can't see her evil smile.

I'm mad at myself for casting Leah as the moustache twirling villain when all this is Jacob's fault. It's easier to blame her because then I don't have to blame myself. I'm not like the typical woman. Most would question themselves what they could've done better to keep their husbands faithful, but right now I'm wondering if I could've picked a better husband altogether. Not because I know now what kind of person Jacob is, but because maybe if by setting up this safe and vanilla marriage I doomed us from the start.

I think about my mother. I never really blamed her for cheating on my father because their passion filled romance also seemed so trite to me, naïve. But yet when I think about her and Phil I realize that they have the thrilling kind of love that you usually only read about in Fabio covered novels, while at the same time they are grounded and calm; a balance that Charlie never could get the hang of.

No, I didn't avoid making the mistake that my parents did, I just married into the other side of the spectrum. They were too bold, and we were too dull. A contrast of too much and too little. At least they ended their marriage with memories of excitement and infatuation… I'll be looking back on tv dinners and missionary sex.

I guess a part of me can't blame Jake for wanting to find that something _more_ out there, and even though I'm still hurt by the choices he made, a part of me is eager to start my search for it too.

I'm going to call Jacob tonight, I decide. I need to let out all my hurt and betrayal. I'm ready to hear his, and possibly Leah's, side of the story. I need to share my grand epiphany with him and see if he feels the same way. I want this closure so I can start a new life for myself and my baby.

Just as I'm about to turn back on my cell, I hear once again the sound of Jake knocking on the front door. I suppose talking in person would be more mature than the phone, so I throw on a pair of ratty jeans and one of Jasper's old ASU t-shirts and head downstairs.

When I hear the sound of Alice opening the door without my consent I'm surprised, but when I hear the squeal that leaves her mouth two seconds later I'm mortified.

"EDDIE!"


	6. language please

I stand there shocked, watching Alice jump onto Edward like a spider monkey. He gracefully catches her and spins her around while she laughs and laughs in delight. After a few seconds of twirling he sets her down, and she immediately starts talking in one of her wild tangents.

I wait for them to say something to me, but Alice keeps going while I just stand there forgotten.

"This is so great; I have to go tell Mom and Dad. Oh, and of course Emmett, you remember Emmett right? He was a couple years older than us…"

"Alice," I interrupt.

"And he was always busy with football and stuff…"

"Alice."

"I have the greatest idea! I can call everyone and we can go grill outside. Rosalie can come too. She's Emmett's girlfriend and she seems like a bitch but once you get to know her she's really not that bad…"

"Alice Cullen, will you shut your freaking gob!"

I'm glad that she and Edward finally get the decency to turn and look at me, because I am on the verge of stomping my feet like a two year old. Edward rubs the back of his neck nervously while Alice just grins.

"Bella, I would like you to meet my first boyfriend Edward Masen," she says and Edward chokes out a laugh.

"Yes Alice, we have already met… wait, boyfriend?" My stomach does a weird flip-flop.

"Yup, on the first day of kindergarten I made him be my boyfriend. I believe the relationship lasted for a whole two hours…wait you already met?"

I slap my forehead.

It takes her a couple seconds, and then her mouth makes that ridiculous little "o".

"Bella, is this Dr. Dream Eyes?"

I give her my best death glare, and my cheeks flame up in embarrassment. I can't even look at Edward, but I can hear him laughing like the arrogant jerk he is.

Alice looks back and forth between us, and I internally cringe when I see her give a wicked grin.

"Edward's father worked at the hospital with my dad in Chicago. We grew up together until we moved down here," she explains.

I look at Edward for confirmation. He nods his head. "Yeah, Carlisle's the one who recommended Scottsdale for my practice."

The realization dawns on me.

"Of course, I'm such an idiot. Esme and her design firm, she picked out where you live." I don't know how I failed to connect dots to Alice and Emmett's parents. He shrugs his shoulders.

"Eddie I was so happy when Mom told me you were moving here, how come you never called us?" She asks with her signature Alice-pout. Poor Edward, she's using some of her best work.

Edward looks back at her with a truly apologetic face. "I'm sorry Ally; I've just been so busy opening up my practice. It wasn't until the other morning that I realized how much I wanted some company," he says while glaring at me.

I ashamedly stare down at my feet, all the while trying to fight back the jealousy that occurs when he calls Alice Ally. I wish I could say it's because he knows my best friend well enough to call her by her nickname, but it's really because she knows Edward well enough to let him.

"Anyway," Edward continues, "It wasn't until I found the address Esme had given me that I realized you're Bella's Alice. You look so different with you hair so short."

Alice sighs and runs her fingers through her short crop. "I know, worst mistake of my life."

"Don't worry Ally, I love it," he says with a panty dropping smile.

Of course Alice eats that shit up. "I'm so glad you're here! Bella, you take Edward to the back patio while I talk to Jasper about Edward's welcome party." She flounces up the stairs before either one of us can answer.

We both just stand there in the foyer. Edward has his hands in his pockets, and is rocking on his feet while looking anywhere but me.

"Eddie?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

_There it is_. His mouth slowly curves up into his half smile. "Alice is the only one who can get away with that shit."

We look at each other, and before we know it were both laughing. Relieved that the ice is broken, I reach over and tug on his arm "Come on _Eddie_, let's go sit outside."

Immediately after we sit in the patio chairs, Jasper walks out through the sliding glass door. He walks right up to Edward and sticks his hand out, "Nice to meet you. I'm Jasper, Alice's husband."

Edward stands up and I can almost feel Jasper's finger bones crushing. "Edward," he says curtly.

Edward's attitude towards Jasper would have worried me, but I notice he's sizing Jasper up the same way Emmett did when Alice first brought Jasper home.

I just roll my eyes at the older brother syndrome and lightly kick Edward in the shin.

"It's nice to meet you too," he back pedals, "I'm sorry about missing the wedding; it was hard to take the time off during my residency."

Jasper beams from the approval. "Not a problem man, burgers or steaks?"

Jasper goes back inside to fix up the food, and I wait for Edward to start up the conversation this time.

"You left." Not accusingly, just stating the facts.

"I did."

"Why?"

"Because Edward, I'm a pregnant woman who just decided to end her marriage a whopping 50 hours ago. I enjoyed spending time with you, but you don't need to deal with my drama," I huff.

"Last time I checked I was a grown man, so why don't you let me decide what I choose to deal with."

I throw my hands up in defeat. "Fine whatever, it doesn't even matter anymore because it looks like your stuck with me."

He grins. "Well I'm glad you surrender. Now I think after the lovely hospitality I showed you last you should say you're sorry."

"Edward Masen, I sincerely apologize for my ungrateful actions, how ever will you forgive me?" I deadpan.

"I don't know, I think you'll have to work for it."

"Work…You're going to make a delicate little pregnant girl work?"

"Jesus, I'm really not looking forward to hearing you give pregnant girl excuses for the next nine months."

"Edward, what makes you think I'll want you around nine months?"

"I'm irresistible."

How adorable. "Alright Masen, I can't argue with that one. But I'm warning you, the way I looked when you first met me is probably just a preview of what's to come."

"Please, I can take it. But really Bella, I'm glad that this is all coming together like this. I really did enjoy hanging out with you."

"Even with all the crazy?"

"Especially with all the crazy."

We smile at each other and stay in comfortable silence until Alice and Jasper come back outside. Alice explains that the rest of the family will arrive in an hour, so I run upstairs to change out of the god awful clothes I just remembered I'm wearing.

Returning outside in a less cringe-worthy outfit, I see that Jasper is busy in the back of the yard grilling, and Alice and Edward are caught up in recounting memories.

I sit down and listen quietly, enjoying the moment and learning more about my best friend and my new friend.

During the reiteration of someone's fourth grade slumber party, the story is interrupted by the front door slamming loudly.

Before I can even comprehend the sound of running footsteps, Emmett has already gotten outside and is pulling Edward into a hug. Not the awkward man back-pat, but like a death grip with the enthusiasm of a ten year old girl stuck inside a 250 pound body.

Carlisle and Esme stand in the background chuckling, and when Rosalie sees Edward struggling she smacks Emmett on the back of the head.

Emmett finally releases Edward and moves on to shaking his shoulders. "Dude, thank god you're finally here. Now us guys won't be outnumbered anymore by these hoes!" Referring to me, Alice and Rosalie, which earns himself another smack on the head from Esme.

I don't like how that little comment causes me to remember how Jacob was always too busy with the dealership to hang out with us, so instead I focus on Edward's goofy bewildered expression.

It's comedic how obvious it is that Edward doesn't really remember Emmett, but I have to give him props for keeping his cool. He keeps up his brave face and turns to Rosalie, the walking sex on legs blonde bombshell.

"Emmett, I have no idea how you tricked this one but you better not fuck it up." He finishes kissing Rosalie's ass with a wink. I can't help but feel a little happy that he doesn't look Rosalie up and down like most men usually do.

"Language please," Esme says, something we will probably hear a hundred more times by the end of the night.

Rosalie just nods at him with her regular blank expression, but I know how vain she is; Edward has already won her over.

After everyone else exchanges pleasantries, Emmett comes over to my chair and leans down to hug me.

"Hey Belly, how's it going," he asks.

I didn't know whether Alice or Jasper had told anyone about Jake, so I just repy, "Everything's fine Em," inwardly musing that he'll be calling me Belly for a whole other reason.

Edward sits down along with everyone else and questions with a raised eyebrow, "Belly?"

Emmett laughs. "A funny story about, sour cream, and food poisoning, but I'll tell you about it some other time when she's not within three feet from us."

"Edward I'm glad there is going to be another doctor around, taking care of Bella is like a second job," Carlisle teases.

I'm sure they're about to tell Edward how illness and injury prone I am, so I stand and walk over to Jasper to see if the food is done.

I help Jasper hand out the burgers to everyone, and since I haven't eaten since my routine morning sickness I immediately start stuffing my face like a cow. Luckily mostly everyone is too wrapped up in Edward to notice the sideshow happening two feet away from them.

After I devour my meal in Olympic speed, I spend the rest of time either talking to Rosalie or soaking up more information on Edward. It's nice hearing all the little stories of their childhood, I cant help but think about how even though Edward hadn't seen these people in years, he looks more comfortable with them than Jake every had.

After everyone finishes eating and throwing away our plates, Alice clears her throat and bangs on the table with a ketchup bottle like a mock gavel.

"Everyone, Bella has some important news she needs to share."

My eyes widen and I looked at Alice. "Holy inappropriateness Ally, my family doesn't even know yet!"

"Hey, we are you family," Emmett shouts.

Alice pats my back in encouragement, and when I look at Edward he smiles and mouths "its okay."

I wring my hands in front of me, nervous to be in the spotlight.

"Well guys, I guess I'm kinda sorta…"

"Pregnant!" Emmett interrupts with a laugh.

"Yeah."

"Jesus Bella, I was kidding!" He gasps.

"Umm, sorry?" I didn't really know why I'm apologizing, but this dramatic reveal is making me a little uncomfortable.

The silence is unnerving and I slowly look around the table. Besides Edward and Alice, everyone pretty much has the same look of shock and trepidation. I know I don't exactly scream "mother of the year" but they could at least show a little enthusiasm.

Esme is the one to break first. "Bella honey, that's wonderful!"

The rest of them slowly came out of their catatonic state, and I receive congratulations from everyone else.

"So Bella, how far along are you?" Carlisle asks.

"I don't know, you tell me."

"Well what did your doctor tell you?"

"I'll let you know when I see him," I chuckle nervously.

I can literally hear crickets chirping.

Edward is pinching the bridge of his nose, and Esme looks at me like I'm a kid who accidentally peed their pants.

"Sweetie, why haven't you gone to the doctor yet?"

"I got a little excited so I spent the week shopping for baby stuff instead," I answer, knowing I look like a dumbass.

Emmett just snorts at Jasper and mutters something about "chicks."

I flip them off.

"Bella, the doctor does a blood test so you know for sure if you're pregnant. Maybe when you did the home pregnancy test it was just some sort of fluke."

"Look Alice, I'm not a complete ignoramus. I took like ten tests throughout two days. Only one said negative, and that was because I dipped it in ice tea to see if they were all fucking with me."

Esme lets that curse word slide.

I can tell that Alice wants to argue some more, but before she can speak Edward sighs, "Bella is right. The chances of multiple tests being wrong are slim to none."

Edward looks like someone ran over his puppy when he says that. It kind of hurt my feelings, but before I can dwell on it Carlisle breaks my thoughts.

"Bella I hate to worry you, but even if you were pregnant then that doesn't mean you are now. The miscarriage rate during the first weeks of pregnancy is 15%; you really need to go to the doctor."

I see Esme biting her nails out of the corner of my eye, and based on everything her and Carlisle have gone through in their past, I know the miscarriage topic is still a little sore for her.

"Okay Okay, I never said that I didn't want to go, just that I haven't felt like going yet. Carlisle, do you think if Dr. Aro is working tomorrow you can ask if he can squeeze me in, I already have the day off."

"I'm sure he'll be happy to."

"He?" Edward asks with a scrunched up face.

"I don't see why it matters, you get to see hoo-hah's all the time," I joke.

Edward smirks at me, but his eyes still looked worried.

"So," Rosalie changes the subject, "Why isn't Jakie out tonight celebrating with you?"

Oh boy. All of my friends pretty much felt indifferent towards Jacob, but Rosalie always made sure to let me know how much she hated him.

Shit was about the hit the fan.

"Jake cheated on me. It was with Leah. I haven't talked to him since. I won't take him back. Alice said I could stay here. Of course I'm keeping the baby. _If _he wants to be apart of the baby's life, then I will let him," I say in one breath.

I was hoping that if I talked really fast and answered all the questions myself we could change the subject.

I was wrong.

"I'll kill him," Emmett says. The rest of them had that _talk or die_ look, so for the second time I tell the story. I only give them the watered down version of everything, especially when it comes to Edward. I wouldn't have mentioned it at all, but I don't want them to think I was rude for talking about all this in front of our new guest. Everyone gives both of us suggestive glances, but I choose not to acknowledge them.

"I'll kill him," Emmett says again once I finish, but this time everyone else agrees.

"Emmett as good as that sounds, I wouldn't put it past Jake to press charges after you beat his ass; he's not worth it. Just think of how he will cry like a little girl once he realizes I get half of everything we have. That's what gets me through the day."

I get a couple smiles out of that, and once I receive the typical _I'm sorry_ and _we will help_ _you_ from everyone we decide to go call it a night.

It's late and the boys had been drinking beer all throughout dinner, so after saying goodnight to Esme and Carlisle I bring down blankets and pillows for everyone. They all offer tell me to be careful with the stairs in my fragile state, but I nip that in the bud real fast.

Emmett and Rosalie get the sleeper sofa, so I help Edward fold multiple blankets into a makeshift bed on the carpet.

We talk for a while and joke around, and after making some comments about practicing to be a mother, I find myself crouched over Edward, tucking his blankets in like a cocoon. We are both laughing, actually I'm fucking _giggling_, and we say goodnight. I get up and practically sprint to my bedroom when I get the sudden urge to kiss his forehead.

I change into my pajamas and try to fall asleep, but my mouth is too dry and after a couple minutes I relent. I creep downstairs slowly, trying not to wake anyone, and go to the kitchen to get some water.

On my way to the cupboards I get sidetracked by the mini-calendar on the refrigerator door. I stare at the dates, so concentrated that I don't hear the footsteps behind me.

"What are you looking at?" Edward asks quietly in my ear, with his hands on my shoulders.

The feeling of him gave me the chills, and when a tremor passes through me he mistakes the movement and drops his hands.

"I'm just going over the dates," I answer.

"Why?"

"When are miscarriages the most common?" I ask in a whisper. Carlisle said a few weeks, but I need to know the _exact_ amount.

"I don't really remember, I think it was around eight weeks."

I don't know whether I should start counting from the last time I had sex or from my last period. I'm either well past eight weeks, or I'm right there.

I know I'm still pregnant, it doesn't matter how many symptoms I still have I can somehow just feel it. I let out a shaky exhale because I'm so happy to be out of the danger zone.

Edward must have taken it as a bad thing, because he gently turns me around and holds me to his chest. He wraps his arms around me, and at first I'm too stunned, and then I smell him. Its soap and laundry detergent and the faint hint of sweat and just _man_. His scent is absolutely intoxicating, and I wrap my arms around his waist and press my nose in deeper. I should feel strange, being held by a man that I've only seen twice, talking about something so personal. But for some reason, it just feels _right_. I can do this, I say to myself. I can forget about Jake and push aside my physical attraction to Edward and just let this new friendship be.

"I know babies aren't exactly my forte, but you do know that if you have any concerns you can come talk to me, right?" He asks.

"Yeah I know, thank you Edward."

He doesn't say anything else, and we just stand there, swaying in the kitchen.

After a couple more minutes I feel the ghost of a touch on the top of my head, and Edward pulls back.

We make a silent agreement to go to bed then.

"Goodnight Bella," he whispers by the end of the staircase.

"Goodnight Edward," I whisper back, while flashbacks from the other night together rush through my mind.

Not wanting to prolong the moment any longer, I turn around and walk up to my room. I fall asleep immediately.

This time when I wake up Edward is gone.


	7. kidney bean

"Shit Shit Shit!"

I'm now fifteen minutes late for my doctor's appointment, and somehow we all forgot the small little teensy weensy fact that I DON'T HAVE A CAR. After Rosalie went back to what I've shortened B&B, she used her freakishly abundant mechanical knowledge and decided my truck wasn't salvageable. I've been too busy worrying about everything else to even think about transportation, so I do the only thing that I can at the moment.

I cry.

I cry fucking hard.

I'm crying because I'm frustrated with my life. I'm crying because I already have to endure this stupid doctor's appointment alone, and because nothing goes right in my life I have to be late on top of that. Now I'm crying because I can't believe I just thought "nothing goes right in my life" like some whiny little thirteen year old.

I'm too busy wailing in my bubble of despair to notice another presence sit down next to me. I flinch a little when he puts a soothing hand of my knee. I hate looking vulnerable and he knows this, so he just rubs in soothing circles while I compose myself.

I know a crying girl is a man's worst nightmare, so I pull myself together and wipe off my face. I look up at him, and he looks like he's in pain.

"Jazz, do you think you could drop me off at St. Luke's Hospital?"

"Sure thing darlin' you just go wait in the car while I put some clothes on."

Just then I realize that Jasper is wearing a red fuzzy bathrobe that even Hugh Hefner would mock. It's so ridiculous and just so _Jasper_ that I don't have any other choice but to laugh. Jasper beams, he's proud of his ability to lighten the mood. He pats my head and runs back into the house while I walk to his car- grateful that I have friends like Jasper in this mess.

The drive to the hospital is quiet; Jasper gives me my space while I grow more anxious by the second. I don't know what is going to happen or what I should expect, and diving head first into the unknown is not my style.

We pull into the drop off zone, and Jasper reaches over the console to grab my hand.

"Bella, we both know that Alice and Rose can be a bit overbearing. Now I'm not saying that I'll be able to discuss all your lady problems with much grace, but I can listen if you just want to vent without anyone passing judgment. I love you like a sister sugar, and I'm here if you need me."

Hi southern twang always accentuates when he's out of his comfort zone, so I appreciatively squeeze his hand, "I know Jasper, thank you."

"Alright, I have to go to work but I'll call Alice and have her take a late lunch or somethin' so she can pick you up."

"No worries, I can always take the bus," not wanting to seem like an ungrateful leech.

He just rolls his eyes and dismisses me with a wave. I get out of the car and look back over my shoulder when I hear, "Bella?"

"Yeah Jazz?"

"Good Luck."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Dr. Aro has always reminded me of the crypt Keeper. With his white, almost nonexistent hair and his pasty skin, every time I come in I just keep expecting him to keel over and die. With my luck, it would be on this day while he is in the process of my examination.

"Well Bella, glad to see you could arrive within," He checks his watch for a dramatic flair, "the hour of your appointment. What can I do for you?" He scolds in his sandpapery voice.

How Old Man Rivers can still make me feel like the scared seventeen year old I was when I first met him is beyond me.

"I took a home pregnancy test and the results were positive." No need to tell him how many tests I took. He could smell fear, stay calm and collective.

"When was the last time you had your period?"

"About 8 weeks ago, give or take a few days."

"Alright, we can either administer a blood test, or we can perform an ultrasound. If you are in fact 8 weeks pregnant I would suggest an ultrasound anyways, but it's up to you."

Blood. I hate blood, I faint if I just smell it. Oh god, when babies come out they're all gooey and bloody. Women always say that the first time they see their baby they get a spiritual awakening or some shit like that. How can I tell my kid that the first time I saw them I was so disgusted I fainted?

I feel like throwing up.

"Ultrasound please."

"Here's a gown for you to change into while I go prepare."

Dr. Aro hands me the gown and walks out of the room. I want to ask why I need to change if he could just lift up my shirt, but the last time I questioned his methods was during my first pap smear and I swearhe was a little more rough than necessary.

After Dr. Aro comes back in he orders me to lie down on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. He takes out a long skinny plastic device and starts lubing it up. I'm about to make some perverted joke but then I realize that its not going on top of me, it's going in.

"Umm Dr. Aro, isn't an ultrasound where you squirt that goop on my stomach and use that thing to look at the pictures on the screen?"

"That's essentially what I'm going to do. This is a transvaginal ultrasound. It will not only allow us to see the fetus, but also the amniotic sac and placenta so we can see if there are any health concerns. I prefer this when we are dealing with a first time mother." He can sense my discomfort and has a smirk on his face the whole time he is speaking. I would really like to shove a toothpick up his pee-hole and see how he feels.

"Cool whatever, can't be any worse than a pap test." This is definitely not cool, but I won't let him win.

He inches the wand-of-discomfort inside me, and the coldness combined with the image of his blotchy old hands makes my vag practically cringe.

He digs around for a while, and I look at the monitor to my right. He explains about weird things like egg yolks, but I tune out everything he says when he moves the little x on what looks like a kidney bean.

"Congratulations Isabella, there's your baby."

We are both looking at the screen with faces of awe and wonder. I'm sure Dr. Aro has done this a million times, but he's looking at my baby like he's witnessing a miracle. He may be a crotchety old man, but I have never been more grateful to have him as my doctor.

"You see this flickering of light, that's the baby's heartbeat."

This is the moment when the woman grabs on to her loved one's hand and they both cry tears of joy. I may be by myself but I don't feel alone. There is now tangible proof that there is life growing inside me.

I have never been a creative person but sitting right now I can honestly say I have created something. This baby is alive, and it's mostly all because of me. I stare at the screen and make a silent vow that even if it doesn't have a father, I will make damn sure that it never needs one.

Dr. Aro finishes the exam. I am in fact 8 weeks pregnant, and everything looks good. I have an ultrasound picture in one hand, and a prenatal list in the other. I surprise Dr. Aro by hugging him. I've never given this man anything more than a handshake, but at that moment I feel like if I don't transfer some of this joy it will certainly overwhelm me.

"You can leave now," he says, "You're not the only patient I have today." His voice is stern, but his eyes are soft and kind.

I leave the room and go down to the second floor to the OR. I ask the nurse if Dr. Carlisle Cullen is available, and after several minutes a distraught Carlisle comes running into the waiting room.

"Bella what's wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby?"

You have to love him. "No everything's alright, I just thought that since I'm already here you should be the first one to see."

I hand him the sonogram. He smiles, and traces the picture with his index finger. I want to count how many people I can make smile today because of this baby.

I repeat to him all the medical jargon Dr. Aro told me, and after Carlisle finally confirms that I am perfectly fine, I receive another hug and congrats.

I exit through the hospital doors, look for Alice's yellow beetle. I reach into my purse when I cant find her but before I can retrieve my cell I hear a horn honking. I scout the source of the noise, and James Dean's reincarnate is leaning against a shiny silver Volvo.

"You say you're a doctor, but now you just seem like a pregnant stalker," I say as I walk towards the car.

"Are you saying I look pregnant?" I don't know whether I want to knock his aviators off his face or lick them.

"Cute Edward. What have I done wrong to deserve this karmic injustice?"

"It's more like what have you done right? Don't even try to deny it, we both now that you're happy to see me." He opens the passenger door open for me.

I am happy to see him, but I'm mad at myself for feeling that way. I don't get butterflies in my stomach every time I see Emmett or Jasper because they are my friends, and that is all Edward will be to me.

"Alright fine, but you're taking me shopping."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"What's this for?"

"It's so my skin doesn't explode."

Edward grimaces and drops the jar of cocoa butter in the basket. We're in the pharmacy shopping for the things on my list. Edward made a hissy fit since it's too early for some of this stuff, but I'm the type who likes to get everything done at once, hence the almost finished nursery at my house.

"I'm looking at this list of all the food you shouldn't eat, which by the way sucks to be you, but what happens if you get one of those crazy food cravings for any of these?"

"Deal with it I guess. I'm sure I'll probably get cravings for something weird like cigarette butts."

He stops the cart at looks at me with an adorably curious expression. "That can happen?"

I shrug. "I don't know, something about low iron…wait a minute, didn't you learn any of this in med school?"

"Please, unless it had to do with plastic surgery the only thing I paid attention to about the female anatomy was how to give multiple orgasms." He laughs.

He gets sidetracked with a bottle of folic acid, and I'm grateful because he doesn't see me shiver. Edward + multiple orgasms = non-friendly feelings.

The rest of our shopping trip is light and playful. We spend a few minutes talking about my pregnancy, but the rest we spend getting to know each other better. We talk about our likes and dislikes, and we tease and banter when we disagree with each other.

I can easily do this, I once again tell myself. I can be attracted to a friend, right? Hell, it's not like Edward would return the same feelings, he probably puts me in the little sister category with Alice. I would say he's like my big brother, but that would just scream _Flowers in the Attic_.

We go to the checkout line, and as Edward loads everything onto the conveyor belt I see the young cashier discreetly check him out. She has blonde hair with brown roots and fake nails. Her name tag says "Lauren," and I find that name appropriate, all the Laurens I've known have been fake bitches. I guess she's a cute girl, and I wonder if Edward finds her attractive. He said he wanted real but I'm not too sure how far that goes. He said I was real, but I definitely wasn't born with these auburn highlights. Sure, she may dye her hair and have fake nails but she's a pharmacy cashier, if that's not real life than I don't know what is.

I'm pulled out of my internal thoughts when Lauren looks at me. She's sizing me up and down, and I realize she's trying to decide if Edward and I are together. She cocks an eyebrow and grins, as if to say _there's no way you could be with him. _

"That will be $124.65," she says to me while looking at Edward. He smiles at her, and I try to push the feelings of jealousy aside and fish out my debit card from my wallet. I slide it through the machine and she squeaks, "So it looks like someone's having a baby, your tummy bump looks so cute!"

What a bitch.

I want to slice her across the face with her own ugly ass nails, and Edward must sense this because he stands behind me and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"And what about you, are you exited to be an uncle?" She's batting her eyelashes, and actually looks victorious until Edward slides his hands down and wraps them around my stomach. 

"Actually, I'm going to be the daddy," he says in a sugar sweet voice, and places a kiss on my neck.

Her grin falters, and she looks like she going to jump over the counter and attack me. Edward just ignores her and releases me to put the bags in our carts, and I immediately miss the comfort of being in his arms. I'm the perfect height for him to rest his chin on the top of my head, as if we were purposefully molded so we could fit together.

Lauren basically throws the receipt at me, and Edward starts to laugh as we leave the store. He doesn't seem affected at all by what just happened, so I force myself to laugh along with him.

I feel tension as we drive back to Alice's house, I tell myself I must be imaging it because Edward is gabbing about which Radiohead song is the best. I feel like music is our safe topic. We both have the same taste, and even though it's irrational I cant help but wonder if Edward is talking about this because he's more affected than he wants to show.

We pull up to Alice's house, and it isn't until Edward asks about it until I notice the black BMW parked in front of us. I knew this was coming, so I take a few breaths to center my self and get out of the car.

Jacob is sitting with his head hung low on the front steps. Edward is walking next to me with a questioning expression, and when I nod in reply he tenses and wraps his arm around my waist. It's an inappropriate gesture in a time like this, but once again I feel nothing but comfort and my body slowly relaxes.

Jacob looks up when hears our steps on the gravel, and when his eyes drift from mine to Edward's arm he jumps up and stalks towards us with determination.

"Bella who the fuck is this?"

"None of your goddamn business Jake, what do you want?"

"What do I want? I want to try to get my wife back but it looks like I'm not the only one who's been screwing around!"

I think I just heard Edward growl, it's the sexiest things I've ever heard but I'm too pissed off to swoon over it right now.

"Don't you fucking dare. You were the one who had sex someone else, not me. So if you're just here to make me feel like shit when all this is your fault then you can just leave."

His scowl morphs into a frown. I see the same guilt in his eyes as I did when I broke my arm after he convinced me to go cliff jumping when we were sixteen. I see the same Jacob that I married.

"Look Baby I'm sorry," his tone is soft yet pleading, "I don't want to fight, I just want you to come back home."

I would laugh that he thinks it's that easy, but I feel like I got punched in the gut. We both made mistakes, but we both deserve closure.

"I'm in the mood for a smoothie." His face lights up like a Christmas tree and Edward frowns. I feel torn, but I need to do this.

I don't know why I think its necessary, but as Jake and I walk towards his car I look at Edward and beg with my eyes, hoping he will understand that I'm coming back.

We get into Jake's car and I try my best to avoid looking in the rear view mirror, because somehow I know that Edward is still standing there.


	8. sleeved blankets

I'm sitting inside the hip smoothie shop with an Elderberry Eclipse smoothie chilling my right hand, while my left is impatiently tapping its fingernails atop the formica table top. Across from me is my husband, wringing his hands nervously while he looks everywhere but me.

I rotate the styrofoam cup in my hand, reading the printed inscription about the fruit that I am consuming. _The Elder Tree is said to ward off evil influence and give protection from witches_, it explains. I daydream of shaking branches of this tree at a certain home wrecking whore.

Bored with that, I move on to the paper menu I picked up at the cash register. I unfold it and scan through more strange drinks like Mango Masochist and Strawberry Succubus -ooh, strawberry is Edward's favorite.

I mentally kick myself for that train of thought and after failing to find other ways to occupy my time I get agitated.

I slam a hand on the table. "I'm leaving."

"No wait! I'm sorry, I'm trying to figure out the best way to say all this."

"You fucked Leah Clearwater in our bedroom. See, that was easy."

Jake shrinks back into his seat. "Please, I know I don't deserve it but I just want explain."

He's right, he doesn't deserve it. I must be a glutton for punishment though, because for some reason I want to know why.

"Fine, explain everything right now. No bullshit."

He puffs his cheeks and exhales. "Okay, I guess I'll start from the beginning."

"No shit."

His face does that weird twitch thing that happens when he's aggravated. I never said I would be pleasant.

"So, the real reason Leah moved down here was because her boyfriend Sam left her for her cousin, Emily. You remember her right? She visited during the summers and would be pretty hot if she didn't have that scar on her face…what was it, a bear attack?"

I give him the stink eye.

'Sorry, got a little sidetracked. Anyways, so Leah just picked up and left. She made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone cuz you know her, she's always had too much pride. So she was sitting in a motel room when she called me, and I told her that if she wanted a new change of scene she could just come down here and work at the dealership for me. It was fine at first, she would get pretty upset here and there but most of all she tried to but on a brave face. Then about a year ago she got an invitation for Sam and Emily's wedding and she sorta had a breakdown. She would be screaming like a banshee one moment and then she would be sobbing the next, basically just went bat-shit crazy. It was a real pain to work with her, but her ex-boyfriend was marrying her cousin, you know? You had to feel bad for the girl."

Yeah, I'm sure if her and my husband didn't have an affair I would feel a little sympathetic too.

"Fast forward a couple months and things at the dealership became pretty shitty. Business was starting to go down and I was laying off employees left and right; throw in the harpy Leah into the mix and I had one hell of situation. Things started to go downhill fast. Do you remember when I came home and we got into that stupid fight- what was it about, a corkscrew?"

"A can opener," I say. It was one of the only fights we've ever had.

"Yeah that was why I started staying at the dealership until late at night, I didn't want to lash out on you because I was stressed so I lied and told you we were just getting good business."

All these confessions of lies are leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. On one hand I don't really want to hear any more, but on the other I just want him to get to it, like ripping off a band-aid. Jake knows by now how to read my expressions and her starts speaking faster.

"There was one really bad night. I was at the dealership trying to sort through all the bills, and Leah starts breathing down my neck. She starts spitting at me, saying I'm a failure and all this other shit, and I just… _snap_. We start fighting hardcore. Awful things are being said, lamps and chairs are being thrown all over the place, and the next thing I know is were fucking on my desk."

The air is knocked out of me. That was no band-aid, that was duct tape on leg hair.

My eyes start to water. Jacob actually has the nerve to look frightened, knowing that I only cry when I get really pissed.

He tries to grab my hand and I snatch it back. "How long?" I demand.

"Every Friday for the past six months."

The tears are now freefalling.

"What? How could you do this!" My voice is an octave too high. I furiously wipe my tears off as to not gain any more attention.

"That's what I'm trying to explain! It was just sex Bella, just sex! It was angry, viscous, and pretty fucking twisted. It was a stress reliever for both of us. I could get all the hate and anger out of my system and just enjoy my weekend with you. Then by the time the work week became unbearable it was already Friday again. It was a sick cycle, and I tried to stop it so many times but it was just too much…just _too_ much_."_

His eyes become red-rimmed and I get sweet satisfaction as I watch a lone tear trail down.

"But why couldn't you just talk to me? I'm your wife Jake, were supposed to be in this together."

"Don't you see? I didn't tell you _because _you're my wife. I'm supposed to provide for you, it's my job. It was pathetic and I felt like a fucking failure."

"Your right, you are a failure, but it has nothing to do with money. You failed me when you chose to sleep with Leah." The words come out with more malice than I intend.

"I know baby, trust me I know. But it was like a drug to me, it was my form of heroin. I told my self each time that it would be the last, but when you walked in it was like I hit the rock-bottom that I needed. Christ, I can't even tell you how shitty I felt when I saw all the baby stuff."

This is the first time my pregnancy has been brought up. I feel as if we're in a metaphorical boxing match, one where you win by hurting your opponent the most. It was a tie last round but when it comes to my baby I am more than willing to knock him out.

"Bella, I sill want to be with you, never once did I even imagine my life any other way. I swear to god I will do anything you ask. Couples therapy, Lamaze classes, a life time of servitude… anything."

"Lamaze classes?" I quietly ask.

"Sure, sure," he grins.

"But you said you weren't ready for a baby?"

He reaches for my hand again, and I'm too tired to not let him. "I know this is the worst time possible, but I feel like this baby is our little miracle. It's like a fresh start. We can have a family and I can spend the rest of my life proving to you how sorry I am."

"So what," I laugh bitterly, "you cheat on me and I'm supposed to all of a sudden forgive you because you said _sorry_?"

"No, I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but we were meant to be together, and I'm not letting you go without a fight."

I rub my temples, trying to keep the approaching migraine at bay. I try to compose the words in my head so they will have the strongest effect but I know it's pointless. Jacob is fiercely determined, and once his mind is set there really is nothing I can do.

"Jake, I've had a lot of time to think about us. I honestly don't think you would've cheated on me if you really loved me, and now that I think about it, if I really loved you then I would've took the time to notice something was going on. I have no doubt that you are the same Jacob that I married, but that's the problem. I don't think we're meant to be together. I think we only made it this long because it was easy, a relationship built by convenience."

"You don't mean that Bell-"

"Yes, I do. We both were getting what we wanted in this relationship, but nothing more. We weren't living life Jake, we were just going through the motions. And even if you don't believe me, which I think someday you will, it doesn't really matter because the fact is you cheated on me, _repeatedly_, and that's something I can never forgive. You know what happened with Renee and Phil; I'm honestly surprised that you're even trying."

"I won't stop trying Bella. You're just saying all these things because you're scared, but you don't need to be. I'm not going to leave like Renee, and I know that I won't make the same mistakes."

"It doesn't matter what you say. I love you Jacob Black, but this all made me realize that I'm not _in_ love with you."

"Yes you are, and I'm not going anywhere until I get you to trust me again. I'm going to make sure you and our baby have the best possible life, and you'll remember why you love me."

"The only thing I want from you is to be a good father."

"I'll be the best, starting right now. When's your first doctor's appointment?"

"It was this morning."

"Oh," his face turns sullen, "I missed it."

"You weren't invited."

"S'okay, I'll be there next time."

"No, I don't think you will. Look, I'm still really upset. I don't think we should see each other for a while. I meant what I said, but your duties as a father don't really start for roughly six more months. I think that will give me sufficient time to recover from what you did to me."

"But I'll miss everything," he whines.

"I would say I'm sorry but I'm not. I'll send pictures and emails if I think it's necessary. I don't want to punish you, no scratch that I do but that's beside the point, I just need to do this my way. I think you owe that much to me."

He sighs and rubs the back of his neck, I can tell that he isn't too thrilled but relieved that he understands he should take what he can get. I don't think I have the strength to talk about this anymore anymore; it has easily been the most draining day of my life.

"I think I'm ready to leave now."

He nods and gets up to throw our cups away. He comes back and says, "C'mon, let's get you home."

"And by home you mean…"

"I mean home Bella. I'll take some stuff and just stay at the dealership until you want me back. I've got a pretty decent couch there."

I'm too tired to argue that I won't ever be taking him back. "Okay, I'll just sleep in the same room that I saw you two together, that's just fucking brilliant."

He grimaces, but I can tell its more out of frustration that his attempts at being a nice guy have been thwarted.

"Fine I'll take you to Alice's, but the baby stuff stays with me."

I almost want to laugh at his antics, like I'm going to store all that stuff in the tiny guest bedroom. "Sure, sure," I reply sarcastically.

The drive back to Alice's is quiet, were both too consumed in our thoughts to have a conversation. I'm still mad and hurt, and I have a feeling I will be for a long time. I'm just glad that this is all over and I can move on with my new life.

Well, it's _almost_ over. Edwards's car is still parked outside the house and I see

Jacob's jaw clench and his knuckles turn white from his grip on the steering wheel. "Is he the reason you say you don't love me?"

I just gape at him. I can't believe he actually has the audacity to ask that. I can feel the fury rolling in waves over my skin, and I open the door and step out so I don't slam his forehead into the steering wheel.

"I'll email you the picture of the ultrasound, and until I say so I want you to stay the fuck away from me." I slam the car door closed and stride back to house, angry that it had to end on such a sour note.

I storm into the house and see Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper, and Edward sitting in the living room waiting for me. I'm surprised they're all here until I look at the clock above the fireplace, which says it's already six-thirty.

They all look at me expectantly and I quietly say "I'm fine," while I rub the back of my left knee with my right foot- a sign Alice, Rosalie, and I created in college when we needed to have girl time.

Alice subtly nods and turns to the boys. "Edward was asking if there are any good sports bars in town, how about you guys go take him to the one on Broadway."

They all look confused but reluctantly agree, knowing that there's no point in arguing with Alice. They all start to leave, and I barely notice their goodbyes when Edward walks past and softly grazes my hand with his fingertips.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

We look like an episode of friends. Rachel is sitting on the recliner reading Cosmo while twirling her blonde hair, Monica is compulsively rubbing her hands on her suede couch in same direction so the material looks darker, and as Phoebe I am lying on the floor, twisting my head at odd angles so I can sip my virgin strawberry daiquiri through a straw without lifting it off the ground.

I received mixed reactions after I told them about Jacob. Alice was upset that Jacob cheated so much but also shocked that I felt that way about our relationship, but ever since she married Jasper she tries to only see the good in things, especially when it comes to love.

Rose on the other hand has always been my eternal pessimist. She was in a lot of bad relationships before she met Emmett so she could tell from the very moment she saw Jacob ad I interact that we weren't meant to be. She also bluntly added that she was expecting me to cheat first. At this point in time I kind of wish I did.

I'm enjoying the quiet. The girls could tell that I was done talking about it, and I don't need to hear their words of encouragement to feel comfort, their physical presence is enough.

"So Bella, what's the deal with Edward?" Alice asks with a mischievous smile.

I should've known she couldn't keep her trap shut for more than a couple of minutes.

"You know the deal Alice, Edward saved me during Bella Breakdown '09 and now we are friends."

"He's pretty cute, right?"

"No Alice, he's a goddamn work of art, what's your point?" I huff as Rose snorts. It was a rhetorical question, we all know what her point is.

"I'm just saying Mrs. Cliché-I-Love-You-I'm-Just-Not-In-Love-With-You, if that's really the case then maybe you should go for him."

"Jesus Christ Alice, unless this guy has some sort of freaky pregnant fetish I really don't think he's gonna want a piece of that. No offense Bella." Rose says.

I just shrug, it sucks but I'm not delusional.

"Oh don't be such a bitch Rosalie sex isn't everything. Edward is a good guy; he's perfect for you Bell's I can just feel it."

"Alice, Rose is right. It doesn't matter how nice he is, no man in their right mind would be interested in an emotionally challenged pregnant woman, especially a sexy young plastic surgeon. Besides, as of today I am officially a single parent. I don't even have the time to be thinking of anyone that way." It's not a complete lie, I _am_ a single parent. Shit, do I have to be divorced to be considered single? Okay, maybe it's a total lie.

Alice is bouncing with excitement and I can tell everything went straight over her head. Her _feelings_ are usually wrong, and we all stopped listening to her after she talked us into buying stock two years ago for some new invention called the Snuggie Blanket. I still want to kick her ass every time I see those damn infomercials.

"Whatever, you all are going to regret the day you bet against Alice. There's a reason he walked into your life the day your husband cheated on you Bella, its called fate."


	9. phone calls

"Hello?"

"_Bella, what the hell is going on down there?"_

"Charlie?"

"_For Christ sakes kid how many times do I have to tell you to call me Dad, I am after all your father. What's this I hear about you and Jake splitting up?"_

"Well _Dad_, Jake and I are splitting up."

"_What did you do?"_

"What the hell, what makes you think I did something?"

"_Probably because I was at Billy's house watching the game when a drunk Jacob called and was crying on and on about his broken heart."_

"And it didn't cross your mind that it could've been his own damn fault?"

"_Well, you are your mother's daughter…"_

"Not cool Dad."

"_You're rights Bells I'm sorry. Can't you guys work this out? Tell me what happened." _

"Dad, I really don't want to get into this with you, I can handle it by myself."

"_Oh really, handling things would be working on your marriage, and not throwing it all away after what I'm sure was just some little spew. I didn't think you were a quitter Bells." _

"You know what, fine Dad. You want to know what happened? Jake cheated on me with Leah Clearwater, several times. You of all people should know how that feels."

"_Mother fuc-"_

"Oh, and congratulations Grandpa, I'm pregnant."

click

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"_Yell-o?"_

"Honestly mom, who the hell answers with yell-o?"

"_Bella honey, how many times do I have to ask you to call me Renee. Do I look like a mother to you?"_

"Jesus Christ, what do you people want from me?"

"_What's that dear?"_

"Nothing Renee, I just wanted to see if you've heard the good news."

"_Ooh did Jake finally get me that Mustang convertible?"_

"Would you please stop thinking about yourself for five minutes?"

"_Well aren't you cranky. Are you PMS-ing"?_

"I wish"

"_Huh?"_

"I'm pregnant."

"_Is this a joke?"_

"No"

"_What are you gunna do about it?"_

"Well I'm going to have _it_ and raise _it_, obviously."

"_Baby you have options. How far along are you, it might not be too late."_

"You know my opinion on that stuff Renee."

"_God help you, I know. I just don't want you to make a mistake, you're still young."_

"Well that's real sweet Renee, and I'm not that young."

"_You know what I mean, I'm just shocked. I'm too hot to be a grandmother."_

"And there you go, what was that… two minutes?"

"_Oh hush. How does Jake feel?"_

"Um, he's excited I think. We're not really together right now."

"_What do you mean?"_

"Long story short, he cheated on me so I left"

"_Oh."_

"Yeah."

"_Was it a mistake?"_

"He says it was… it doesn't really matter."

"_Are you sure about this Bella?"_

"About the baby or Jake?"

"_Both, I guess."_

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"_People make mistakes all the time sweetie…"_

"And who exactly are you referring to?"

"_I suppose I deserve that. I just don't want you to be naïve Bella. If Jake is truly sorry then maybe it's worth working out. Nobody's perfect." _

"It's more than that Renee, its just over. I just want to focus on the baby right now."

"_I can't believe you're going to be a mom! You know I'll be there for you, right sweetie? I Love you."_

"God help me, I love you too."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"What!"

"_Whoa there tiger, what did I do to deserve that charming greeting?"_

"Edw- oh shit- hello? Edward, are you still there?"

"_Yeah…what are you doing?"_

"Sorry, I kind of dropped the phone. Um, what's up?"

"_I was just thinking about you and I was wondering if you wanted to go out and do something with me tonight."_

"Of course! I mean, I'm a little busy but I'm sure I can schedule you in. Okay, I don't really have a schedule but you get it. What I meant was-"

"_Bella?"_

"Yeah?"

"_I'll pick you up in 20." _

click


	10. black velvet

-14 weeks-

The past few weeks have been nonstop. Not only did I have to go to work and answer countless questions about my pregnancy, thanks to my morning sickness, but I've also had to deal with Jake and our lawyer. We all unanimously decided that it would be best if we only filed for legal separation, for insurance purposes and so I wouldn't be under any unnecessary stress during the pregnancy. It was obvious that Jake was hoping it would give us more time to reconcile. When he found out about my truck he gave me a car. The old Bella would have complained about being able to take care of herself but the new Bella is practical. However, I did end up taking whatever that car was to another dealership to trade it in for a little Toyota suv. It made me feel a bit better.

Oh, and there's also Edward.

We spend time together almost every day, and even on the days he has to check on the progress of his office he still takes me along. It doesn't matter what we're doing, whether it's watching a movie or going to a museum, we always have fun. He's slowly becoming one of my closest friends.

I just hope I can continue to keep pushing those pesky _other_ feelings aside.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

It's Friday night and we're sitting in Alice and Jasper's living room trying to decide on something to do tonight. Their house has become our group headquarters over the last few weeks, and even though it's probably because of its location I like to think it's because of me.

"What about salsa dancing?" Rosalie suggests. She and Alice clap their hands excitedly, while me and Emmett shake our heads and groan. Edward looks back and fourth between us with an amused expression.

"Babe, I look like a mega idiot when I try to dance, you know this. All this muscle mass doesn't exactly give me rhythm and flow."

Rosalie gives Emmett a sultry smile. "Really? I distinctly remember having plenty of that just this morning."

Emmett grins. "Yeah well that was also on a horizontal surface, well… semi-horizontal."

"Yup, and if you ever want counter sex again than you will take me dancing."

Well that shut him up. "Alright fine, but you owe me big time."

Rosalie gets out of her chair and saunters over to sit on Emmett's lap. She whispers something in his ear and judging by the way he squeezes her thigh, I'm guessing she found plenty of ways to repay him. Alice looks nauseous and Edward and I laugh at her.

"Alright, now that I'm thoroughly grossed out, that just leaves you Bella." Unfortunately for everyone else there is no one to offer me sexual favors in return for public humiliation.

"Nope. No way no how, not going to happen."

They all conspiratorially look at each other, and then I'm immediately surrounded by five pouty faces.

"Seriously guys, you think that shits going to work on me?"

Emmett scoffs. "You're going to be such a mean mom."

"Well that was unnecessary. I'm honestly surprised you guys are even trying."

"Wait," Edward interjects, "What's the big deal about going dancing?"

"You've obviously never seen me try to dance, it's rather unpleasant." Jasper widens his eyes and nods, "she's right."

Edward chuckles, "Oh Bella, haven't you ever heard that-"

"Edward, if you say "it's all in the lead" I will punch you in the junk."

He scowls. "Talk about unnecessary. How'd you know I was about to say that?"

"Puh-lease. All you young attractive guys have the same pathetic lines. I'm actually disappointed in you."

"You think I'm attractive?'

"That's the only thing you even heard, isn't it?"

"Yes it is. I think you should be grateful that this attractive guy will dance with you."

"Who said I'll be dancing with you?"

"Me."

"Oh well now that we have that cleared up… no."

Alice turns to Emmett and whispers loudly, "do you think this is some sort of comedic foreplay for them? Like, should they have a sitcom together or rip each others clothes off?"

I blush, and luckily Rosalie speaks up before things get awkward, "Okay Bella, I want you to _really_ think about this. Are you seriously going to deny me and Alice the chance to dance all gritty and sweaty with our sexy men?"

She's pointedly looking at me like she's trying to stress some hidden meaning, and then I get it.

_Sexy Men_

_Edward_

_Gritty and sweaty_

"Okay."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Forget counter sex, good luck having any sex at all once I castrate you."

"Come on babe, I said I was sorry."

Apparently Emmett thought it would be completely fine to just get the address of the first salsa club result that popped up on Google, which leads us to the reason why we are huddled in the back corner of the club _Palazzo _trying to steer clear of the other clubbers.

Because it's Friday night, and If Emmett would have actually looked at the goddamn website, he would seen that on Friday nights _Palazzo_ turns into _Transylvania, _Arizona's largest Gothic-Industrial club, with black lights and everything.

I'm pretty sure the only reason we got in is because with my pale skin and tight black dress, I look like a regular. Now that I think about it, I'm also fairly certain that the bouncer was wearing vampire teeth.

So wrong.

Rosalie is pissed, Emmett is sulking, Jasper and Edward are laughing, Alice is looking around the club in morbid fascination, and I have my hands over my stomach in a desperate attempt to block out the raunchy death lyrics from seeping into my baby.

Alice slaps her hand on the black leather sofa and stands up. "Look guys, we're too dressed up for the sports bar and the only decent clubs we know are all the way out in Scottsdale; we're here and we're hot so we might as well make the best of it," she turn to Jasper with a pouty sex face, "Jasper, is my big mean vampire going to dance with me?"

Jasper grins and starts snapping his teeth at Alice, and she runs into the crowd squealing.

So wrong.

Rosalie gets up too. "You know what, she's right. I did not spend 45 minutes getting my ass into this fuck-hot dress just so I could watch a bunch of freaks get their freak on."

"Hold on," she interrupts Emmett's dramatic fist bump to Edward, "Just because I would rather dance with you than Uncle Fester over there does not mean you're forgiven, got that?"

Emmett sullenly nods, but while she grabs his hand and leads him into the crowd he looks over his shoulder and winks at us.

Now it's just me and Edward, and we look at each other and awkwardly laugh. Fuck this, I decide. I don't care if I look certifiably nuts when I dance, he is wearing a leather jacket and taut dark jeans and _my god_ I would give anything to press my body up against his and for one night pretend that we're together.

Just as I open up my mouth to ask for a dance some bitch ass skank walks right past me and gracefully plops herself onto Edward's laugh. She leans back and purrs sexily, "Hello, I'm Bree."

Edward, being the gentleman he is, reflexively grabs onto her thigh to keep her from falling, and I watch in horror as I see his hand grip the bare skin at the top of her slit. Who knew that a floor length black velvet dress could be so slutty? Well, apparently her boobs do because they are practically spilling over onto Edward's face. He chuckles _my_ sexy chuckle. "Nice to meet you, Bree."

"I'm just going to get some fresh air," I say more to myself and push through the club to get to the patio outside.

The club is actually a pretty cool place, I notice as I sip my Shirley temple. The patio has it's own bar and is decorated in blue candles, and looking through the glass wall I can see the inside bar, the dance floor, and the cat-walk style balcony that overlooks it.

I see Emmett and Rosalie on the balcony, and she is busy swatting his hands away each time he puts them on her ass. Laughing, I look around more to find Jasper and Alice, and that's when I see them.

Edward and that succubus are grinding on the dance floor. Her back is pressed against him, and she is moving slowly up and down his body, with his hands on her hips and his cheek pressed into her fake black hair. His lips are moving and she lazily smiles. I imagine he's saying "I want you tonight" or something similar and my stomach twists at the thought of it

"I know," I say louder than intended to my belly as I rub it.

"Whoa there," I hear a smooth voice behind me. I turn around and there is an attractive man holding two glasses, "I was going to offer you a drink but it looks like you started the party without me."

I grimace. "Sorry about that, it's been a rough night."

"I'm Eric, and it must be pretty bad when a beautiful woman starts talking to herself. Do you mind if I keep you company?"

"Bella, and I don't mind at all."

He sits down on the barstool next to me and passes over a glass. "I figured rum and coke was a safe option."

"Perfect." I smile and pretend to take a sip. Even if I wasn't pregnant there is no way I would take a drink from a stranger.

"So gorgeous, you don't look like the vampire type."

"Hmm, you'd be surprised."

"Oh really?"

I laugh. "No, not really. Apparently salsa night is on Saturday." He throws his head back and laughs, and I take the chance to give him the once-over. He has sandy brown shaggy hair and is dressed casually in a plaid shirt and black jeans. "This doesn't look like your scene either, Eric."

He shakes his head. "Nah, my buddy chased after some chick he met at our frat party and dragged me along."

I pinch myself to keep from laughing. A college kid. I'd be more surprised if there wasn't GHB in that drink.

So wrong.

He leans in close to me and talks in my ear. "Look, since we both agree this isn't our thing, why don't we get out of here? Nothing shady, we can just chill out in my room."

I feel someone sit down on the other side of me, and just as I'm about to respond to Eric I hear the other person clear their throat.

"There you are, I've been looking all over for you."

I groan and turn towards Edward. He's looking at me with a smug smile. Eric tugs on my hair to get back my attention.

"Well what do you say, brown eyes?"

"I think-"

Edward interrupts once again by putting his hand on my stomach and taking my glass. "Honey, you know this is bad for the baby."

My cheeks flame in embarrassment while the color drains from Eric's face. He looks back and forth between my stomach and Edward, and then walks away without saying a word.

I flick Edward's forehead. "What the hell is your problem?"

He laughs and rubs the spot. "Me! I don't think he was referring to his hotel room, Bella."

"Please, I was just trying to have a little fun."

"Well have fun with me, let's go dance. Unless I'm too old for you."

_Don't sound jealous, don't sound jealous…_

"What about _Bree_," I sneer.

"Bree was a nuisance. I was about to push her off until someone thought it would be funny to ditch me with Elvira. Not cool, she felt like my grandma's couch."

_Oh_

"Yeah, I thought that was hilarious. Um, let's go."

I take his hand and we head inside. He pushes through the mass of bodies into the middle of the dance floor. He brings our bodies flush together, and he must notice my nervous face because he gently puts his leg in between mine, and he places his hands low on my waist so I can lean back. I try to focus on the music. It's surprisingly a little slow and sensual, no lyrics and a heavy bass. I close my eyes and tilt my head back, and we start to dance. At first we just slightly sway, but the more I get into the music the more confident I get. Before I know it we're slowly grinding against each other, our breaths are harsh and our skin is glistening with sweat.

He grips the back of my shirt tightly, and I open my eyes, surprised to see that he's already looking at me. As we stare at each other our dancing gets rougher, and I can't help the soft moan that escapes me. His response is to pull me closer, and just as I press myself harder against his leg the lights go out.

The music stops and we hear someone announce over the loud-speaker that it's time for the famous midnight black-light show. People start to clap and cheer, and just as upbeat electronic music starts the place lights up. Everything is glowing, especially the girls who start to dance on the balcony and bar, wearing tiny black one pieces and white thigh-high boots. The crowd goes crazy and that's when everyone really starts to dance. Edward spins me around with my back against him like with Bree, but I can feel how different it is just by the way he's gripping my hips. We're grinding now with a little bounce, and with a brave move I slide down Edward's body to the floor, and when I slide back up I forcefully grind my ass into his pelvis. He's now slightly thrusting against me as we move, and I feel electrocuted when I feel how hard he is. His face is buried into my neck, and I moan as I feel the wetness of his tongue.

The stage girls are now dancing with each other, and I focus on one pair who are dancing like Edward and I. As one girl moves her hand down outside of the other's leg, I take Edwards hand in mine and instead drag it down to the inside of my thigh. He grunts a sharp "Fuck" in my ear and I twist my other hand in his hair, bending his head back down into my neck.

It's the single most erotic moment in my entire life. My body starts to burn like fire from my toes up, and just as I think I can't take anymore I hear our names being called over the music.

Emmett and Rosalie are pushing people out of the way to get to us, and I see behind them Jasper carrying Alice on his back. Rosalie shouts that Alice is feeling sick, and it's just now that Edward releases me. I follow behind everyone to the exit of the club, too embarrassed to look at him, even though he guides me with his hand on the small of my back.

Rosalie and Emmett go home in her car, and I drive Jasper's car so he can sit in the back with Alice. Edward immediately passes out in the passenger seat, and I wonder how much he's had to drink, hurt that he probably was barely coherent while we danced. I look in the rearview mirror at Jasper. He's cradling Alice in his lap, whispering in her ear and stroking her hair. It's the only time I've ever truly been jealous of my best friend.

* * *

**Sorry if the club was cheesy but it's a real place and I just had to put it in.**


	11. mommy club

-16 weeks-

All I wanted was a green tea frappuccino.

I wake up this Sunday morning with cramped legs and itchy skin. I apply a disturbing amount of lotion all over, and as I put it back in the nightstand drawer I see I have a text from Edward. I shake my head as I read his standard _Entertain me, I'm bored._ That steamy night at the club didn't affect our relationship in the slightest. He still treats me like a buddy and I still secretly squeal every time I see him. Hiding my lust for him has turned into some sort of game to me. He'll say something or touch me innocently and in my head I make dirty comments to myself. I know that this is my way of deflecting the situation, but I would rather laugh than curl into a ball and weep over my pathetic crush.

I go downstairs into the kitchen, surprised when no one is there. I love Alice and Jasper, but I miss having my own space. Saying that to myself has me worried. I actually liked the fact that Jacob was never home, how am I going to feel when there's a kid attached to my hip eighteen hours a day?

I sigh and look in one of the lower cabinets to see if Alice has any tea. The angle creates a sharp pain in my lower back and I say fuck it, for the first time in months I'm going to have a nice relaxing day to myself. Fifteen minutes later I'm in Starbucks. The line is massive and if it weren't for the frappuccinos I would have given in and called Edward.

There's a woman yapping on her cell phone in front of me, and tugging on her hand is what I assume to be her attention deprived daughter. The little girl is probably around three, with curly blonde hair and big blue doe eyes; her face scrunches up when her mom shakes her hand off and I just want to squeeze her. She huffs dramatically and taps her foot with her tiny fists on her hips, and I can't help but laugh. She looks over at me and smiles, obviously pleased that someone notices her.

That's when I freak out. I've never really interacted with children before and I feel like this my first test for motherhood. I stand there and try to think of something funny to say, but when her face falls a little I puff up my cheeks and cross my eyes, praying to god that this kid doesn't think I'm lunatic.

She starts to giggle and I mentally pat myself on the back. The woman snaps her phone shut and looks at her giggling daughter with love in her eyes, and I feel like a major wench for judging her.

"They may be adorable, but they're pain in the ass," the woman says to me.

I laugh. "I just hope that mine's as cute as yours."

She smiles warmly at me, as if to say "hello fellow mother," and I feel like the new member of some sort of club.

"How old is yours"

I pat my stomach, "I guess technically 16 weeks."

She looks surprised. "Four months, I don't believe you."

I nod.

"When I was four months I was already wearing maternity pants."

"I guess I'm just blessed," I say, immediately regretting saying that. Her smiles turns into a scowl, like I'm some unfit mother because _she_ was fat and I'm still a happy size four. Then I frantically start going over what I've been eating and how much exercising I do a day and that's exactly what I need right now, some bitch making me think I'm starving my baby. I leave Starbucks and get in my car, muttering to myself that I didn't want to be in her stupid mommy club anyways.

Fifteen minutes later I'm on the phone with Dr. Aro. He says he can see me after lunch.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I'm watching a movie when I hear the front door open, taken aback (and admittedly a little excited) to see Edward walk in.

"What the hell are you doing in my house?"

"Well hello to you too sunshine. And this isn't your house you freeloader."

"Shut up, I'm pregnant." God, I'm going to miss saying that.

He rolls his eyes and plops onto the couch next to me.

"No seriously, how'd you get in here?"

"Alice gave me a key in case of emergencies."

"What's the emergency?"

He scowls. "Apparently you are. Alice missed your call at the movies, and she called me when you wouldn't answer your phone."

"Yeah well she deserves it. She bitches about going with me to my next appointment and here I am having to leave in half an hour and her ass is at the movies!"

"You're in a pleasant mood today kitten," He laughs and pats his legs, "Tell Dr. Edward all about it."

So I do. I rest my head in his lap and tell him about that stupid lady that has me all worried. He says he's sure everything is fine, and I think about what my cheek would be pressing against if I just moved my head back a little. I am a sick, sick person.

"And Dr. Aro is mean to me and I don't want to go by myself."

He starts to run his hands through my hair and I bite my lip.

"I'll go with you."

"What?"

"Yeah, I mean it's not like I have anything better to do. Plus it's been a while since I've conversed with another doctor."

"Well look at you all Dr. Hoighty-toighty."

He pulls my hair. I have to restrain myself from making some sexual innuendo out loud.

"Alright you can come, but I swear to god if he has to shove that thing up my cooch again you're sitting in the waiting room."

His voice cracks slightly when he says "sure."

My day suddenly seems a little bit better.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

The first thing Dr. Aro does once he steps into the room is glance at Edward with a raised eyebrow. He looks at me and I swear to God he smirks a little… what an asshole. He knows I'm married because I introduced him to Jacob at Esme and Carlisle's anniversary, and it's never a good thing when you gyno thinks you're a slut. After awkwardly explaining that Edward is a friend and also a doctor, he smiles and his whole demeanor changes. Typical doctor, they all treat you like shit unless you also have a Ph.D.

I explain to him that I'm worried about my weight, and he tells me that I have indeed gained a couple pounds, a statement that I've never thought I'd be happy to hear. He asks if I want to just do my second ultrasound now instead of waiting for four more weeks. I of course say yes.

Edward gets up to leave, but Dr. Aro laughs and tells him we're doing transabdominal and Doppler ultrasounds today. I'm relieved, but as Edward sits backs down he still looks uncomfortable. I'm about to say he can go if he wants but I'm distracted when the cold gel hits my stomach. Dr. Aro places the device at the bottom of my belly and he frowns. He then moves my underwear down a little to find a better spot and I thank the baby Jesus that I shaved today. Edward loudly exhales and I blush but play it off.

All of a sudden I hear a fast _whoosh whoosh_ sound. I don't know if it's loud or if I'm completely tuned to it but it's the only sound I hear. It's perfect and my heart squeezes at every little beat. I don't even realize I'm holding onto Edward until I feel his thumb tap along with the rhythm on my hand.

"160 bpm…perfect." I hear Dr. Aro say. I sulk when he turn it off and starts to set up the monitor, I want to hear more. He then puts on the transducer and moves it around my stomach and I practically purr at the messaging sensation.

I look at Edward and his expression seems a little off. I tell myself that I can give the poor guy a break and not cry when I look at the screen. I heard the heartbeat, I know for a fact there is a baby still in there. No big deal.

But then I look at the screen and I just can't help it. There's a head and tummy and legs and hands and feet and it's the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

I try really hard to pay attention to what Dr. Aro is telling me, but I get sidetracked and try to count the toes. I think about whether I should get a 3D ultrasound, but then I decide it's like peeking at your Christmas presents. I like the fact that all I can see right now is this ominous tiny baby, it makes it more exciting.

Dr. Aro tells me that the baby is five ounces, a normal weight. I sigh in relief and squeeze Edward's hand. He's looking at the screen in wonder, and it's the first time I've ever seen him as a doctor instead of my goofy sexy friend.

"Can you tell the sex?" I ask.

Dr. Aro opens his mouth but then I say, "No wait, don't tell me."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes…no…I don't know?"

He is clearly not amused. "Okay, I think I know but would it help if I told you that my estimation won't be as accurate this early?"

"Yes." I'm a planner, and when I'm giving birth I really don't want to be disappointed if I have to take back all the gender colored clothes.

We talk some more and he asks Edward where he studied. He says that he has read about his father, and that once his practice opens up to let him know. I'm entranced when Edward talks about his work. He may joke about it, but you can see that he truly loves being a doctor. We leave the hospital and I notice that Edward has gone quiet. Once we get in my car I turn to him and apologize.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry if that whole thing was uncomfortable for you. I really did try to keep my emotions in check, I swear"

"Don't be. I admit I was having a guy moment back there, but seeing your baby on screen was pretty…fascinating."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Do I get one of those pictures?"

"Why would I give you one?"

"Because I'm the godfather."

"No you're not, Jasper is."

"No way, I'm your best friend."

"No you're not, Alice is."

He pouts, so I give him one of the ultrasound pics.

"Edward?"

"What?"

"I'm glad you were there."

"Me too."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I'm actually not dreading the day when I walk into work the next morning. I spent last night showing everyone the ultrasound tape, and the euphoric feeling I still have cancels out the Monday blues. I even called Jacob, and our conversation was mildly enjoyable. I'm humming to myself when Garrett, our most obnoxiously talented staff writer, walks up to my desk. I immediately remember why I hate my job.

"How's it going, Isabella?"

I tell him repeatedly that I prefer Bella, and he always replies that Isabella sounds much more sophisticated and mature. So ostentatious.

"Well it _was_ going quite well, thanks for asking."

He wipes dust off of my picture of Charlie and I want to bit his finger off.

"So, funny story. I was looking at the new Audi's at your man's dealership when I saw him flirting with a pretty girl with black hair. They looked pretty…_close_."

"You're right Garrett, that's hilarious." _Play it cool_. "That's just Jake… always friendly with his employees." My laugh comes out nervous and shaky.

He obviously doesn't buy it. "Well I think he's a fool for letting you slip away. How about we talk about it over dinner?" He says that last part loudly, obviously wanting the rest of the office to see me swoon. Well, it was good while it lasted. Now the gossip mongrels in HR will be passing around the word by lunch that not only am I knocked up, but my husband is seeing someone else. I give Garrett my best dirty look and wonder if he even got the "Bella's expecting" memo. I gag a little.

"Thanks, but my schedules pretty full for a while."

He leans back and dramatically sighs. "Yeah me too, Newton's sending me over to D.C. to do a piece on the healthcare reform."

I know that was his way of saving face, but as he walks away I can't help but admit he struck a nerve. We're almost the same age and yet he's traveling the world while I'm answering phones. I wonder where all my drive went. I worked hard to get my degree, and when I got this job I expected it to be temporary. I would somehow prove that I could be a good writer or editor and eventually they would see my talent. Somehow along the way I stopped trying, happy enough to have this mediocre job as just something to do with my day. I can't even remember the last time I wrote.

Five months. Things with Jacob are calm so now I need to spend my time working on my career. During lunch I buy a moleskine. It's a small step, but I feel proud once my pen hits the paper.

* * *

**It's a short but necessary filler, my apologies. I promise that things will start to heat up soon.  
Oh, and I know that ultrasounds are performed by technicians. But the medical stuff is painful enough to write, and I figure it's Aro... he can do whatever the hell he wants.**


	12. i do

-20 weeks-

"Bella"

Someone is sitting on my bed, whispering my name and shaking my arm. I _just _found a comfortable position to sleep in and I refuse to wake up, so I pull the covers closer to my chin and pray to God that they go away.

"Bella"

Nope, no way… I don't care that the person attached to this heavenly voice has been the star of my dirty dreams for weeks, I'm warm and snuggly and at the moment he's just not worth it.

"Bellllaaaaaa."

With a huff, I open my eyes and sit up.

"What Edward, what the hell is so important that you have to wake me up at this ungodly hour? Jesus Christ the sun's not even up yet!"

I glare at him until I realize that he isn't even looking at me, well, at least not at my face. I look down and realize that my sudden movement has caused the comforter to slide off my torso and pool around my waist. My newly developed tummy bump is sticking out but when I Iook back at Edward his gaze is fixed a little higher.

He's staring at my chest.

He's staring at my boobs that gave grown a whole size and are now obscenely too big for the small red cami I'm wearing and wow, my room is pretty cold this early in the morning and the way he's looking at them is NOT helping.

I should be embarrassed. My nipples are sticking out like miniature ice cream cones practically saying "Edward, please lick us" and hell, he's probably getting a little peek at them due to the amount of boob spillage that is occurring.

But no, I'm not embarrassed. I'm fucking excited.

I inhale dramatically and puff up my chest like a porn star.

He gulps and looks up at my face.

I lick my lips.

He wimpers.

I run my fingers across my collar bone sensually.

He shuts his eyes tightly, and then opens up one eye a small amount like he's checking to make sure the girls are still there.

I can't do it. I don't know whether it's his teenage boy reaction or my ridiculous attempt at channeling my inner Jenna Jameson, but I just start laughing.

He narrows his eyes at me. "That wasn't fair."

"What?" I ask while still laughing.

"You know what! I drive all the way over here to show you a surprise and what do you do? You dazzle me with…with your big boobs!"

I'm practically hanging off the side of the bed now in my fit of giggles. "Edward! Did you just say my boobs dazzle you?"

"Laugh it up, Swan," he says while grabbing my hands and pulling me back up.

I just keep laughing and get up to use the bathroom. As I start to walk away I hear Edward groan. I look over my shoulder to him in confusion, and he just tilts his head down to my matching boy shorts. I smile to myself and sashay a little, and then I say in my best sultry voice, "Its Mrs. Swan-Black to you, Dr. Masen."

I yelp when I feel a hand swiftly slap my ass cheek.

I go into the bathroom and look in the mirror; I'm surprised by my reflection. My cheeks are flushed, my hair is wild, and my belly and full hips are a nice contrast to my small frame. I feel very feminine, like a real woman. I turn around and unashamedly look at my butt. With the extra weight gain and my new Pilates routine, it has a nice and firm shape to it. I smile when I see a large red handprint; the color matches the little strawberries on my shorts.

I walk out of the bathroom and run into a very sleepy Alice and Jasper. Alice reaches up and covers Jasper's eyes when she sees me, and instead of being angry that I'm whoring around in front of her husband she laughs and tells me I'm going to be such a milf. With an even bigger smile on my face, I walk into my room to grab descent clothes. I'm afraid that I went too far out of the "friend zone" when I see Edward isn't there anymore, but then I hear him rummaging around downstairs.

I walk into the kitchen and see his body bent, looking intently for something in the fridge. I give myself a few minutes to enjoy the view, and then I ask, "What do you feel like eating?"

He gets up with a plastic container in his hand, and my knees almost buckle when he grins crookedly at me.

"Strawberries."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"So what's the surprise?" I ask when we start driving in his car. He doesn't tell me, but when I see the _Welcome to Scottsdale_ sign I get it. I clap my hands and bounce up and down excitedly.

"It's finished?"

"Yep," he laughs. "Esme called this morning and told me it was all done."

I don't even wait for the car to be fully parked before I jump out and run to the building. There it is, in big white letters on the glass doors.

_Scottsdale Cosmetic Surgery_

_Edward A. Masen III, M.D._

Edward unlocks the doors and I hastily pull one open to go inside.

"The reception area," he points out. I'm about to sarcastically reply to his obvious statement but I decide to let him have his fun when I see the happy look on his face.

The room is bright and luxurious, with dark tiles and crown moldings. There's a seating area with plush brown leather chairs and steel tables, adorned with glass sculptures. There's a semi-sphere reception wood and steel desk under fluorescent lights, and behind it is a large abstract mural of a nude female.

"Wow. Esme did a good job decorating."

"Yeah, she really did," he agrees. He then takes my hand and pulls me to more rooms.

"Surgical room."

"Recovery Suites."

"Non-surgical room."

"Examination room."

"And this," he says as he opens a wooden door, "is my office and the consultation room."

I can immediately tell that this room is all Edward. The dark wood furniture and tan chairs gives the room a warm and cozy feeling. I walk up to the wall covered in degrees and certificates. Most are for Edward, but I see a couple other names.

"Tell me about your staff."

"Kate Denali," he says as he points to a degree. "She's my anesthesiologist…you met her once, remember?"

I remember. She's the pretty strawberry blonde he introduced me to during a meeting with his contractor. At first I was worried, but she was very professional the whole time. Plus, I think she's a little too old for Edward.

"Ben Cheney, physician's assistant. Made out with Angela Weber, aesthetician, after getting drunk at our last dinner meeting."

"Ooh, sounds juicy."

He rolls his eyes but laughs. He looks almost paternal when he talks about his staff, and I tell him I'm glad he found good people to work with.

"Oh I almost forgot, I hired Kate's younger sister as the receptionist. I haven't met her yet but she gave a pretty good phone interview."

I hope she got the ugly gene in the family.

I then walk to the other side of the room and look at his books. They're the typical medical books, but at the very bottom I see a familiar blue book, _The Little Prince_. It's one of my favorite childhood stories, and I bought it while shopping with Edward one day to read to my baby.

He runs a hand through his hair and shrugs. "I don't know… just in case someone brings their kid along."

I nod and sit down at his desk. I look at a picture he has of his parents, and even though I've seen one before I'm still surprised by how good looking they are. He has Elizabeth's hair color and green eyes, but he got his distinguished looks from Ed Jr. I don't know whether to be happy or mad at the fact that I will still be lusting over Edward into our 50's.

The next picture is of our group taken at Edward's birthday dinner. His arms are thrown over me and Rosalie with a huge drunken smile on his face. As I look at it I feel overwhelmingly guilty. If he hadn't known the Cullens after I walked out on him he never would've been a part of _us_. I honestly can't remember what it was like before he was here, and I really don't want to.

The next picture makes my breath hitch. It's a picture of the two of us taken a couple weeks ago. It was when I was still obsessing over the size of my stomach and I would make him measure it every day. He's holding the tape measure around my stomach, I'm pouting, and his head is thrown back in laughter after lying to me that it shrank an inch.

Edward puts his hands on my shoulders from behind and kisses the top of my head. It's my favorite sign of affection from him, even though in moments like this it makes my heart hurt.

"You're my best friend Bella," he softly says, "I couldn't have gotten through this without you."

I stand up and hug him. He holds me close and I say, "I feel the same way Edward, you know that…right?"

He pulls back and holds my face in his hands, "Yeah, I know."

I smile, "so what, should we get matching bff necklaces or somethin'?"

He pinches my cheek. "You sure know how to ruin a moment Swan, and what about Alice?"

"Fuck her, Rosalie can have her."

He laughs and takes my hand to leave. As we walk back to the car I say, "If you tell Alice I said that I'll murder you in your sleep, Masen. And for the last time, it's _Swan-Black_."

"Not for long," he says while opening the car door for me.

"No," I agree, "not for long."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Edward said he wanted to enjoy his last free day, so we decided to bum around at his place. We're watching some mindless drabble on tv, and I'm trying not to fall asleep while he massages my sore feet.

"So do you have a lot of patients this week?" I ask with my eyes closed.

"More than I expected. I've been distributing business cards and putting ads up all over, but it's mostly because my parents have been putting out a good word for me."

I look up at him when I feel his hands get rougher. Edward's been reluctant to discuss his family, but I really want to know more about his past life.

"Edward, tell me about your parents."

He pauses and thinks for a few minutes. "There's really not much to say. High school sweethearts, married after college, then had me while my father was at medical school."

"What did your mom do?"

"She likes to call herself a stay at home mom, but I remember her being home even less than my father most days."

There is a sadness in his eyes that I've never seen before. I picture Edward as a child, playing with his toys by himself while a nanny watches over him. I wonder if his past escapades were more for human comfort rather than sexual gratification.

"Was that hard for you, growing up that way?"

"Honestly, the money and toys more than made up for it. Elizabeth and Ed Jr. may not have been the most loving parents, but I'm still luckier than a lot of other people out there."

I can tell he doesn't truly believe what he says but he also doesn't want any pity, one of the many ways we're similar.

"I'm sure they're really proud of you, moving all the way out here and opening up your own practice."

"It hard to tell with my parents. My father still hasn't forgiven me for not becoming a surgeon, and even though my mother has spent thousands on her face she usually sides with him."

"They _are_ proud of you," I say more firmly, "and so am I."

"I don't know, I guess we'll see when they come visit in a few months. There's a charity ball for _Doctors Without Borders _in Scottsdale, you're all invited of course."

We sit in comfortable silence for a while. I'm sure Edward is thinking about his parents and I'm trying to figure out how the hell I can fit in a ball gown.

"I am too." He breaks the silence with a small smile. "Proud of you, I mean."

I grab on his arm to pull myself up. "Why?"

He puts his hand on my stomach and starts to rub slowly. He's looking down at it when he says, "Every day Bella, every day you amaze me with how strong you are."

"It's not strength Edward, it's self preservation."

He looks up at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I guess the way I grew up was the exact opposite of you. Renee and I never had any money, but I always knew that I was loved. It wasn't until I was… I don't know nine or so, that I started looking at her like a friend instead of a mom. We were somewhere in California, living in a small apartment. She was dating Phil at the time, but he was so busy traveling and trying to get signed to a minor league team that he didn't really have any money to help us out. Anyway, so we're sitting there eating dinner one night when the power goes out. I got really scared but she just laughed it off. Instead of being upset that she couldn't even pay the electricity, she had us bring all our blankets out into the living room and we spent the night making shadow puppets with flashlights inside a fort. I think that was the most important thing my mom has ever taught me…"

Edward doesn't try to make me explain any more, he just gathers me in his arms and waits while I sort out what I'm trying to say.

"Sometimes when I think about Jacob or the baby, I get so sad and scared that I don't even want to get out of bed," I say against his chest, "But it's like that night, it happened and I can't change it, so instead of wasting time dwelling on it I might as well make the best of what I have and get through it."

"_Chi la dura la vince,_" he says.

"You speak Italian?" Dear Jesus, please tell me he speaks Italian.

"Only a little, that was something my grandmother would always say to me- _he who perseveres overcomes_."

I playfully pat his cheek. "You know, that's kind of sexy…now I see how you get all the ladies into your bed at night."

He chuckles, "Among other things. She would've loved you, you know."

"Your grandma?"

"Yeah, she was like you- fierce with a lot of spirit. Except she probably would've given you shit for your name."

"Isabella? What, she wouldn't think I'm pretty?"

"Of course she would, and it means beautiful. It's your last name; she would always say that a woman only uses a hyphen if she doesn't truly love her husband or her family has more clout."

Huh, I take a moment to think about that. I certainly thought I loved Jacob at the time, but I guess there was a part of me that was too stubborn to let go of my last name and give myself to him fully. Okay, we really were doomed from the start.

"When did she pass away?"

"When I was around sixteen. It was really hard; she was like a mother to me."

"What about your parents, would they like me?" I don't know why I'm so nervous to hear his answer, it's like I _need_ that validation.

"My mother seems stand-offish at first but she has a sensitive soul, I can see you two talking for hours about literature. My father on the other hand, he doesn't really like anybody."

I wonder why he feels so differently towards his mother and father. I'm afraid to ask him but I do anyway.

"I could never really blame my mother for never being around. I think being stuck inside our house all day with me just reminded her of what she was missing."

"What was that?"

"A good husband."

"Edward? Your dad… I mean, did he ever-"

"Yeah Bella, he did," he interrupts, "when your that wealthy it's kind of expected."

I nod. I never truly understood why Edward was so nice to me the day we met until now.

He strokes my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "I really hate him for what he did."

"Your father?"

He gives a sad smile. "Sometimes, but I was talking about Jacob."

"I can't really hate him, we both made mistakes. I can still hear my best friend in there sometimes when we talk, and no matter what happens, because of this baby we'll be connected for life."

He frowns but he knows I'm right. "Yeah, but I can still hate him."

"By all means," I laugh, "go ahead."

He smiles again but it's still off. "I've done a lot of fucked up things in my life Bella, but I would never cheat on someone. You believe me, right?"

Yeah, I really do.

"I do."

* * *

**A little fluff with a lot of progress...  
And I now have pictures on my profile relating to the story**


	13. face mask

-Week 22-

It's been five days since I last saw Edward, the longest I've ever gone since meeting him. He's so drained from work that all he does now is go home and sleep once he leaves the office. We still call each other at least once a day, but it isn't the same and I just miss him.

Today is his first break from work so the boys are spending the morning golfing while us girls have a spa day at Alice's. I have this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, like I'm nervous. I think being around Edward everyday has made me desensitized to the effect he has on me, and now that I haven't seen him in a while I'm afraid that my friend façade will slip…or that I'll end up humping his leg.

The good thing is that with the baby and my friends I haven't really had a chance to be lonely. The baby is big enough to where I can feel a soft tickling sensation when it moves or kicks, but the bigger it gets the more back pain and lack of bladder control I get. Even when I sneeze I pee a little, something that _really _amuses Emmett and Jasper.

Alice and Rosalie have been busy planning my baby shower/ birthday party that's in a few weeks, so the boys have been on pregnant lady duty. I try to tell them that I have a lot of energy now, but they insist that I only leave the couch when I have to. It's too sweet for me to complain, and I love how excited everyone is for our group's first baby. My kid's going to be spoiled to death…and I think I'm okay with that.

Last week I was getting ready for my first Lamaze class when Emmett came in my room. I was honestly fine with going by myself, figuring that there would be at least one other single mom, but when I started to leave the room Emmett stopped me.

"Let me go with you." He pleaded.

"Why would you want to go?"

"Jazz is watching some lame show on the history channel…I'm so fucking bored!"

Here's the thing about Emmett- he gets bored very easily. He's like a big kid, put him in front of a football game and he'll be occupied for hours, anything else and he'll lose interest within minutes. I love the guy, but if I want any chance at making a new mommy friend then he needs to stay at least thirty feet away from me.

"Emmett," I tried to say as sternly as possible, even though watching a 250 pound mass of muscle act like a ten year old was highly entertaining, "this is for grown ups only."

"But I need the practice."

"Practice for what, there's no way in hell your going to be in that delivery room."

"Yeah like I would willingly go in there, I'm still scarred by that nasty ass documentary you and Alice made me watch. I mean practice for me and Rosie."

I was surprised enough that Emmett was considering any future with Rosalie, let alone having a baby with her, so when he put it that away I couldn't really refuse. I begrudgingly let him come, praying to god that he could keep it together for an hour.

We got kicked out after fifteen minutes.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"So you guys are getting pretty serious?" I ask Rosalie as I'm washing off a cucumber for our face masks. She nods her head a little, but I see the corner of her mouth lift up into a smile.

Alice stares at her, waiting patiently. We both know that if you want Rosalie to talk about anything remotely emotional it has to be on her terms. It took a while for Alice to warm up to her, saying she didn't want her big brother dating that "frigid bitch," but after a couple margaritas one night we fell in love with her.

Rosalie drops the bowl she's holding and turns around to face us. She crosses her arms and shrugs. "He asked me the other night how many kids I want."

Alice immediately runs over to hug her, but Rosalie just pushes her off with a laugh.

"Calm down Alice, its not like he was asking how many kids I wanted with _him_."

Alice scowls and smacks her head. "You're such a Debbie Downer, I swear to god Rosalie. Why can't you just accept the fact that my brother freaking loves you and you're going to get freaking married and have beautiful gigantic freaking babies and-"

"Alice," I interrupt while laughing, "Slow down. That big vein in your forehead is about to burst."

She laughs and rubs her forehead. "Whew, that was a close one. But seriously Rose, why can't you just believe that he loves you? I know my brother and I can tell that you're going to be around for a long time."

"Okay, but what if we're wrong. What if I start planning this dream wedding and picture all our babies running around in my head and all of a sudden he breaks up with me?"

I think she's about to hyperventilate, so I walk over to her and grab her face in my hands.

"Rose."

"Bella?"

"One day you're going to give birth to a twelve pound baby with blue eyes and adorable dimples and you're going to look back on this day and see how stupid it was to doubt Emmett's love for you."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

Her frown slowly releases and she shakes it off. "Okay, but if you bitches are wrong I'm killing you both, you got it?"

Alice slowly raises her hand. "Um, what if we just kill Em instead?

We all look at each other and say in unison, "Deal."

I turn to go back to the sink but Rosalie stops me. "Not so fast Bella, it's your turn."

"What about Alice?"

"Alice is boring."

"Hey!" Alice interjects with a pout.

"Ugh fine. Alice, how are you and Jasper?"

"We're good Rose, thanks for asking."

"How's the sex?"

"Delicious."

"Predict any babies in your future?"

"I'm not ruining this figure… no offense Bella."

"None taken." Even though there kind of is.

"All done." Rose says with an arrogant smile. "So Bella, how's Edward?"

"He's fine."

"Oh, yeah? You guys are really close now, right?"

"Yep. He's the best."

"So tell me Bella, when exactly are you two going to fuck?"

"Rosalie Hale!" I yell with a red face as they both start to crack up.

"_Come on_ Bella, you seriously can't tell me that you haven't thought about it, I know he has." Alice says with that annoying "duh" look that makes me want to rip her face off.

"I know," Rosalie says, "Every time you guys are in the same room I feel like I'm going to get knocked up too from all that sexual energy floating around."

"What are you guys talking about? All we do is make fun of each other and joke around."

"That's what you guys do _together_ Bella, but when your not paying attention there's only one word to describe the way he looks at you, and it's sex. We all know you like him, but you honestly can't say that he isn't at least attracted to you, right?"

I could lie to them and make this all go away, but I don't really want to. I feel pretty smug after learning this new information, so I slowly smile and the girls go crazy.

They're practically begging me to say what happened, so I tell them all about that night at the club and our playful flirting the morning he saw me in my underwear. I also replay the little things that Edward does, like how his arm is always wrapped around my waist when we walk in public or the way he puts his hand under my shirt when I ask for a backrub.

"Look, he's a guy. I'm sure the bigger I get the more he'll lose interest in me. In a couple more months he'll probably be thinking of me like a little sister."

Rosalie sighs, "I still say pregnancy fetish."

"Okayyy, scratch that. But even though he's attracted to me that doesn't mean he wants to be with me. We all agree that he would be crazy to get involved with a pregnant-almost-divorcee."

"I Know!" Alice throws her hands up in the air. "Why the hell did you have to go get pregnant?"

Before I can protest Alice walks up to me and starts to rub my tummy, "Auntie Alice didn't mean it baby, I'm just frustrated."

I scoff. "You'refrustrated? I'm the one in love with my best friend."

The girls gasp with wide eyes and I clamp my hand over my mouth. I have no idea why I just said that but before I can really process it I hear the front door open.

"Eddie my man, you have to go out with her!" We hear Emmett say from the living room.

"Emmett I already told you, I'm not starting anything with my receptionist…that's just asking for trouble."

They continue talking but we can't hear what they're saying over the noise the golf bags make as they hit the floor, so we slowly creep up to the edge of the kitchen to listen.

"Fuck looking professional Edward, that chick is like Cameron Diaz hot, you just don't turn that down- Jasper, help me out here."

"No Way," Jasper chuckles, "I guarantee you the girls are listening right now."

We all run back to our previous positions before they walk in the kitchen. Emmett and Jasper say hello to their girls and when I see Edward head towards me I turn around and start slicing the cucumber. I feel my face heat up and I don't know whether it's from anger or embarrassment. I feel so stupid right now, letting myself think for even a moment that Edward could want me like I want him. Why would he want me when he can have any other woman?

I feel him behind me, probably waiting for me to stop and hug him like we always do but I just slice harder. I can't touch him right now; if I do I will surely break.

He eventually gives up and leans back on the counter beside me. I can feel him staring at me so I take a deep breath to calm down and try to drown out Emmett's voice as he tells Rosalie all about the hot receptionist.

"Did you girls have fun today?"

I put the knife down and turn to him, hoping to act normal. "Yeah, it was a nice."

"What are you going to do now?"

I hold up a cucumber slice. "Face masks."

He slowly tilts his head down and eats the slice from my fingers, keeping eye contact with me the entire time. My body is telling me to lean forward but my heart is telling me to step back, so that's what I do.

"And after?" He asks, looking a little confused.

And this is the moment where it all goes downhill. The worst part is that I know; I know I shouldn't say this. I know it's out of jealousy and I know it will only cause more problems but yet I can't stop the words from leaving my mouth.

"I'm going out to dinner with Jacob."

I can't look at him as I say this, so I divert my eyes to look at everyone else. They're all staring at us, and I wonder how long they've been listening.

I can feel the tension radiating from Edward, but I'm too scared so I look at Alice and Rosalie and plead with my eyes for help. They both just shake their heads in disappoint.

I hear the counter make a creaking noise and out of the corner of my eye I see that it's from the stress of Edward's tight grip. I think of ways I can turn this terrible idea into one big joke but after what seems like hours he clears his throat and moves away from me.

"You know what Emmett, your right. I'm going to call Tanya."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I walk into the restaurant towards Jacob and he stands up from the table, pulling out my chair for me. It's a gesture he's never done before and I can't help but smile. He thanks me for asking him to meet and instead of saying he should thank Edward and _Tanya_,I politely say your welcome.

After Edward went outside to call what I presumed to be Tanya on his cell the girls and I went upstairs. They asked me if I was fucking crazy and I told them the truth; it was out of self-preservation. The longer I had this stupid fantasy of us being more than friends the more my heart would break when he found someone else. They didn't try to argue anymore with me and spent an hour doing my hair and makeup, hoping to salvage any progress we've made by making him jealous. I looked in the mirror when they were finished and for the first time I just felt fat and ugly. It wasn't at all Edward's fault but a small part of me blamed him for making me feel that way.

Luckily Jacob was so excited I called that he said he would drop the plans he had tonight. I didn't even bother to ask if those plans were with Leah and simply told him where to meet me.

"You look beautiful Bella." He says with a sincere face.

"No I don't," I sigh. "I look pregnant."

"I know, and it's beautiful."

It was a cheap shot, but Jacob always knew the exact thing I needed to hear.

"Thank you. Jake… I don't want you getting any wrong ideas here."

"I know Bella. I'm just glad that you're talking to me in person, that's progress…right?"

In all honestly, I've been perfectly fine with our weekly ten minute phone calls. I'm still not ready to forgive him, but I do see that we need to start working on our relationship.

"Yeah...maybe we can work on being friends again?"

"Sure Bells, I would love that. But I already told you I'm not giving up on us."

"Jake there is no us. There's me and then there's you and Leah."

"Leah is nothing Bella; I don't know what to say to make you believe that."

"Well maybe you can say that my co-worker didn'tsee you two looking all chummy together at the dealership."

"It's complicated."

"Uncomplicate it."

"I don't know what to do Bella, she's fucking psycho. I can't fire her because she'll threaten sexual assault. I can't be too harsh with her or else she'll fuck with the books. I swear to god I haven't touched her that way since you left, but I seriously can't get her away from me. The only thing I can do is act that I still like her and pray to god the tribe will take me seriously and get her back to Washington!"

By the end of his rant he's red faced and out of breath. It really makes me laugh. I'd be completely stupid to believe him but I know all too well that there was always something wrong with Leah. Jake being threatened by his mistress is sweet, sweet vindication.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Oh, I think it fucking priceless." I laugh.

He tries to look affronted, but once I see the small tug of his smile we both just start cracking up. After a couple minutes we're clutching our stomachs, wiping the tears from our eyes.

I get up to use the bathroom, and as I walk out of the hallway I see that Jacob is still smiling at the table. I don't know why but I lean back on the wall and just watch him. Our waiter puts down our food and silverware and Jacob frowns. He reaches over to my side and starts rearranging everything- my drink in the top left of the space, the food dish in the middle, and the silverware in the bottom right. The fact that he remembers how I like everything to be placed when I eat makes my heart tug. He's still in there, my old friend. Somehow he just got lost.

The rest of dinner is easy going and enjoyable. We don't talk about anything too serious, mostly reminiscing about childhood memories. I tell him that I'm writing again and he's thrilled, saying he'll be the first one to buy whatever I publish. We talk about the baby and argue about different names. It get's a little tense when I tell him I refuse to have a different last name than my child, and he eventually aggress that _if _I still want a divorce then I'm more than welcome to name it Swan, something he highly doubts will happen. As we say our goodbyes he asks if he can kiss me goodnight and I of course say no, but when he asks if he can come to my next appointment I say yes.

I'm in a really good mood when I drive back to Alice's, but it instantly deflates when I see Edward's car still in the driveway, and a little red Porsche parked next to it.

I sit in my car for a couple minutes and debate on what I should do. I could say that I'm tired and go straight to my room, but everyone will know it's because I'm upset. I could act pleasant and nice towards Tanya and show Edward that his love life doesn't affect me, but I don't know if I can go through with it. For a second I even contemplate staying the night at some hotel and pretending I went home with Jacob.

I suck it up and get out of the car, figuring I'll know what to do once I get inside. When I open the door everyone gets quiet. I take a second to look around. Everybody is relaxed on the sofas with shot glasses in their hands. The woman sitting next to Edward is no doubt gorgeous, but not what I was expecting. Her green dress is curve-hugging but modest, and her strawberry blond hair is in an elegant up-do. I'm disappointed that she's not the slut I was picturing in my mind.

I timidly wave high to everyone and Tanya stands up and walks over to me.

"You must be Bella," she says as she extends her hand.

I hesitate but shake it. "And you're Tanya."

She smiles, pleased that Edward has mentioned her.

"Edward's told me so much about you and I have to agree, your positively glowing."

I look at Edward but he's looking down at his shoes. I say thank you and sit down next to Alice. The conversations resume and I stare at the alcohol in everyone's hand with jealousy.

Rosalie is animatedly talking to Tanya about something, probably her car. She isn't the type of person to get caught up in others people drama and I don't mind, knowing the Alice is fierce enough by herself. I jokingly warn Alice about her vain and she attempts to smile, but she whispers in my ear that she already hates her. I questioningly point to the shot glass, which is something we don't usually drink here and she says loudly, "Oh, Tanya brought us some bottles of vodka." She smiles sickly sweet at me, telling me to act nice.

It's a strange gift to bring to someone's house so I turn to Tanya. She opens her mouth but instead Edward answers for her.

"Tanya's father distributes vodka throughout the U.S… she's Russian."

She's foreign… of course. Don't hold back Edward, its not like you're breaking my heart or anything. I don't know whether he's deliberately being an asshole or if he's just clueless. I guess that explains how a receptionist can wear designer clothes and drive a Porsche.

"Oh wow!" I exclaim. "I went backpacking in Moscow with my husband after we graduated."

I just smile even wider when Edward scowls at me, Check mate you bastard.

Tanya excitedly asks me about my trip and I've never been more thankful that I'm addicted to the travel channel because that was total bullshit. We flew to Florida to see Renee and Phil.

Edward turns her attention towards something else and I study her more closely. She's almost too perfect, like an airbrushed model. Her lips are plump and her nose is small and straight. I sneak a look at her breasts and they are full and perky. I snort at the irony and Jasper looks over at me with a smile, obviously knowing what I'm laughing at.

Tanya puts her hand on Edward's knee and I see him tense. He looks at me as he moves his hand towards hers. I expect him to push it off but instead he interlocks their fingers together. I roll my eyes and stand up to go get a drink, angry that I can't get up from a chair as gracefully as I could a week ago.

I get a bottle of water from the fridge and when I turn around Edward is standing behind me with his arms crossed.

"How was your date?" he sneers the word date and I chuckle at the hypocrisy. I take a gulp of water, buying time to decide what I should say.

"Fine. How was yours?"

"So that's it Bella, your ready to take him back just like that?"

I sigh. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh really Bella? Then enlighten me, because I thought the woman who became my best friend was stronger than that."

I hear that ugly friend word and I see red. "Where do you get off Edward, really? You're such a fucking hypocrite. 'Oh Bella I need real people in my life'… yeah, because I'm sure Tanya was born with that nose."

He clenches his fists and spits through his teeth, "She had a deviated septum."

"Oh yeah? What about those tits?"

He shakes his head and sarcastically laughs. "I was hoping to find that out later tonight."

All at once the anger I have is replaced with a much deeper, darker emotion. I use all the energy I have left to say, "Get out."

"This isn't your house Bella, you can't kick me out. Or did you forget that you had to leave your home when your husband decided he would rather fuck his secretary?"

A sob catches in my throat and I cover my hand over my mouth. His face falls and he takes a step towards me. By this point everyone has gathered in the kitchen entrance and when I shake my head no Emmett walks up and claps Edward on the back.

"Come on man, its time to go home."

Edward softly says my name but I turn around to brace myself on the counter. After I hear everyone else leave I sag down to the floor. Arms encase me from both sides so I don't fall and they sit down with me. Alice and Rosalie hold me until I shed every tear from my body.


	14. tell me

-Week 24-

I am surrounded by green. Green balloons, green cupcakes, green onesies and socks… green green green.

I told Alice I wanted everything to be green for my baby shower because it's gender neutral and was my favorite color as a child, but now as I look around the color only reminds me of Edward.

Edward, who hasn't spoken to me in two weeks.

We both acted like assholes that night, but I can't help but feel that he should be the one to make the first move. It seems like all I do now is wait for his apology. Life still goes on, I still go to work, write, and hang out with everyone else, but my cell phone is constantly by my side. Emmett told me he's just been really busy with work. We both know that was a lie.

"So tell us, what's the worst part of being pregnant?"

I'm pulled from my thoughts by Victoria, a woman Alice works with. As I look at all the women surrounding me I realize just how detached my life became when I was with Jacob. I can count the people here who are solely my friends on one hand, the rest are mere extensions of Alice and Rosalie. It's a depressing thought, but the giant pile of gifts on the dining room table makes up for it.

"The increased libido, hands down."

They laugh with me and I hear one woman ask, "And how is that a bad thing?"

"Well it's a bad thing when you don't have anyone to reap the benefits with."

They laugh again, but some give each other uncomfortable looks. Apparently it's too soon for the single mom jokes.

Rosalie rolls her eyes at them. "Don't you worry Bella, the toys I got you will make up for any man."

I wink at her joke but I really hope she's serious. I'm pretty sure that I've grown a new hymen by now.

We move on to the baby shower games, and although some are clichéd and weird I actually enjoy myself. Alice sneaks in the dirty diaper game, which I specifically asked her not to, and I watch in disgust as grown women lick chocolate poo off diapers. I get her back when I put tequila in the bottles for the chug race. I may not be able to enjoy a nice beverage but that doesn't mean my guests can't.

We're in the middle of unscrambling baby words when we hear a car pull up outside. Alice goes to the window to see who it is and she starts laughing. Rosalie does the same. Intrigued, the rest of us jump up to see what's going on.

Well, everyone else does except for me. I'm still trying to get out of this recliner while shooting the back of their heads my fiercest dirty look. Alice rushes over to help me when she realizes I'm not there, and right as she pulls me up I hear someone ask, "Oh my, who is that?"

Now, Emmett and Jasper are attractive guys, but there's only one man that I know of who can cause that reaction. It's the sultry and out of breath voice, the voice that may be saying something simple but really means, "where have you been all my life?" I know that voice well because even after four months I still get it. Frequently.

I look at Alice and she nods. She takes my hand and leads me to the window, pushing everyone else out of the way.

Emmett's jeep is parked outside and he and Jasper are leaning against it with their arms crossed. Edward is facing the house and staring at it, he looks a little…afraid. In his hands is a tiny box with a big goofy bow.

He looks down at the box, then up, and then he turns around and walks back to the jeep. Emmett and Jasper both turn him around and push him back towards the house. This happens at least three times before someone asks for us to explain.

"Well," Alice says, "that delicious piece of man right there is Edward. He used to be a good friend of mine from Chicago and met Bella when he moved down here. Bella, as we all know, recently left her husband. Edward helped Bella get over it and now Bella and Edward are best friends. Got it so far?"

They all nod their heads and I brace myself as she continues.

"So, Bella always liked Edward as more than a friend, but she didn't think he would ever feel the same way. But what Bella doesn't realize is that Edward does like her, but he's a typical man. Edward doesn't understand his feelings for Bella, so he gets frustrated and acts irrationally. One night Bella got really jealous, so she stupidly tried to make Edward jealous. Long story short, Edward acted like a dick and hurt Bella's feeling. Poor Bella."

The women all say "Ohhh" and give me sympathetic looks. I stare at Alice and she smiles. I make a mental note to never ever let her tell bedtime stories to my child.

Victoria hits my arm and points to the window. "Look, he's finally coming!"

We see Edward determinedly march up to the door so we run back to our seats. We try to make ourselves looks as normal as possible and the door flies open. Edward looks around the room and his eyes widen, but when he sees me he gets that resolved look back on his face and walks over to me.

He doesn't say anything, just shoves the gift at me. I slowly take the box and look up at him, but he runs his hand through his hair and stares at the ground.

I take the box and carefully unwrap it, still a little confused about what is happening. He sighs and taps his foot impatiently, which makes me smile and unwrap it even slower. He chuckles softly, and I decide that I never want to go this long without hearing that sound again.

Inside the box is a sterling silver baby rattle. I pick it up and become engrossed by how smooth and beautiful it is. It's almost disappointingly plain, but as I look closer I see a small cursive engravement. Two simple words that make my heart swell and my eyes tear up: _Precious Love_.

I take a deep breath and set the rattle aside. I don't know how, but I know that something else is in this box. Sure enough, underneath the tissue paper is a matching bracelet, except this one is big enough to fit my wrist. I slip it on and read the engravement that's in between two small diamonds. _Beautiful Love_.

I look up at Edward and before I can say a single word I'm pulled out from the chair and into his arms. He's squeezing me and whispering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" over and over again in my ear.

I pull back from him and bite my lip, just now remembering that we have an audience. Edward blushes and gives a little bow, "ladies." They all timidly wave back, giggling like schoolgirls. He smirks; clearly loving his effect on women. I roll my eyes and grab his hand to go outside, knowing that we need to have a serious conversation.

He helps me sit down on the patio bench and we swing silently, still holding hands. After what could be minutes or hours, he turn to me and shrugs, simply saying, "I really am sorry."

"For what?" I ask him to clarify.

_For wanting her?_

_For not wanting me?_

_For reminding me that my own husband didn't want me?_

"For saying what I said. Bella…I don't know…I mean I guess I was just so mad at you."

"I don't understand Edward. Why were you angry? What made you react that way?"

He solemnly shakes his head and looks to the side. I want to shake him and scream.

_Tell me Edward; tell me that you feel the same way. Tell me that you can't see me with anyone else but you. _

But of course, he doesn't. He tells me that he thought I was making a bad decision. He tells me that he didn't want me to take Jacob back like most women, and that he was acting that way because he wants more for me. Because he wants me to be strong, for me and my baby.

I silently sit there and think back to when Alice and I were around fourteen. She told this kid James that she had a crush on him, but he said he already liked another girl. He spent the whole lunch period making pros and cons list with his friends, and after school he asked Alice out. I told her she was being stupid for liking that jerk and didn't talk to her for days.

She thought I was jealous, I thought she was an idiot.

So in a way I can see where Edward is coming from. When the people we love make what we think are wrong choices it can be frustrating, no matter how childish or serious it is. Especially for someone so smart, and arrogant, like Edward.

"But Edward, you need to realize that you can't say hurtful things to force people into thinking like you, it just doesn't work like that. If you tried talking with me instead then I would've told you I'm just trying to work on a friendship with Jake, nothing more."

"I know Bella, I swear I didn't mean it and I'll keep telling you I'm sorry until you believe me. But you have to work with me here; I'm not used to having close friends- especially not with girls."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It just means…you know. Women are more…what I mean is -"

I laugh and hold up my hand to stop his rambling. "I know, I know. Sometimes we're a little emotional and bitchy…especially when we're jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yeah."

"Of what?"

_Of other women who can touch you and kiss you and taste you…_

But instead of telling the truth I pretend to pout. "Of people who can steal my best friend away from me."

"God you're such a girl," he groans and wraps his arm around my shoulder, "and no matter what happens, you'll always be stuck with me…Got it?"

I nod and he kisses my temple.

"Thank you for the gift."

"You like it?"

"I love it."

"Love it enough to forgive me?"

_yes_

"Maybe."

"Maybe…I can work with maybe."

We sit there for a little while longer until I get the guts to ask, "So Tanya…she seemed nice."

"Yeah, she is."

"You two seemed to really hit it off."

"I think so."

His voice is almost monotone when he says it. He doesn't seem excited or happy, just resigned.

"So you're not going back to Jacob, right?"

"No, of course not."

"Good."

I roll my eyes at him and he laughs. He stands up and pulls me out of the chair, and once I regain my balance he smiles and says, "By the way, her lips are fake too."

My mouth drops open and I poke him in the chest. "I fucking knew it!"

He shakes his head and grabs my finger to place a small kiss on it, which makes me blush. He laughs even harder and drags me back inside.

Emmett and Jasper are in the living room playing with the baby toys and making all the women laugh. I pat Edward's head and tell him to go play with his friends while I sit down with Alice and Rosalie, who are watching their guys in both embarrassment and amusement. They don't need to ask me how our talk went, they can tell by the smile on my face.

A couple hours later everyone starts filing out of the house, congratulating me as they walk out. I plaster a smile on my face and tell them thanks for coming, even though I really mean thanks for the gift. After the last person leaves I lock the door and turn around to inspect the damage.

There's wrapping paper, streamers, and bottles all over the place, and Alice and Rosalie are staring at the room in contempt. I tell them that since they threw the party I would clean up, and Edward scowls when I force him to help.

I gather up all the trash to throw away in the kitchen, and when I see Edward inquisitively inspecting a baby bottle by the sink I hide behind the refrigerator.

He has an adorably curious look on his face, and starts to shake it around and squeeze it. He looks from side to side, like he's checking to see if anyone is around. Satisfied, he brings the bottle up to his lips. He takes a drink, and then promptly spits out the tequila all over the counter.

I can't hold it in anymore and laugh harder than I ever have in my entirely life. He gets startled when he hears me, but instead of making up some lame excuse he just holds up the bottle and smiles sheepishly.

And that was the moment I knew that I was definitely in love with Edward Masen.

* * *

**Can you forgive Bffward?**


	15. break free

-Week 26-

"I'm telling you Alice, boiled eggs are evil."

"_Well that explains the name deviled eggs..."_

"I'm sorry, do you think this is funny? I just spent my whole lunch hour throwing up an egg salad sandwich."

"_I just don't understand how a boiled egg is different than a scrambled egg… or a fried egg, or eggs benedict-"_

I'm standing in the elevator clutching my stomach, wondering why I even brought this up in the first place. I let out a loud burp and shrug as the man next to me glares.

"Yeah well I don't understand how I'm still burping up the taste of the ice cream sandwich I ate last night… I guess some things just can't be explained."

"_That's disgusting."_

I leave the elevator and walk to my desk, noticing a yellow post-it note attached to the computer monitor.

"Hey Ally I have to go, Newton needs me in his office."

"_Great, did you put Garrett's cell phone in jell-o again?"_

"For the last time, I thought it was his calculator. It's not my fault these people have never seen an episode of The Office."

"_Hey, remember how you got Newton to forget all about it by hiking up your skirt? You're such a whore."_

I look down and sigh. I can barely see the tip of my shoes under my stomach, let alone my skirt.

I hang up the phone and let myself into his office. I stopped caring about formalities within the first week of working here.

He's sitting in his fancy leather chair with the back facing me. He always does this. He thinks we can't tell that he's in the chair and that the element of surprise when he swivels around to face us will cause our knees to buckle in fear. What he doesn't realize is that his over-gelled four inch hair spikes give him away every time.

Michael Newton, the bane of my existence.

I clear my throat and tap my foot impatiently, but instead of turning around he speaks.

_"I tune out the instructor when she starts giving her anti-epidural speech. I figure that if it's completely acceptable to take a Tylenol for a headache then I should be able to relieve the pain of a stretching vagina. The other couples are raptly listening to her likes she's announcing the second coming of Christ so I pass the time by studying them._

_It's disconcerting how easily you can categorize pregnant women into two extreme groups- what I like to call The Crowd Pleasers and The beggars. The Crowd Pleasers are the quintessential perfect pregnant woman, the one who only gains five pounds, has a healthy glow, and who can still find the time and energy to apply mascara and wear knee high leather boots. These women will never ask for a backrub and will constantly repeat, "I just love being pregnant."_

_Then there are The Beggars, which happen to be my favorite. These women will leave the house in what they wore to bad last night, have a slight fuzz of facial hair due to the increase of hormones, and will walk into public restrooms barefoot. You can see it in their eyes every time you look at them, the constant plea to "just get this thing out of me."_

_Today I'm wearing skinny jeans with a ratty old t-shirt. There is mascara and blush on my face and tonight I'm forcing Edward to give me a foot massage. I guess I'll always be average."_

The chair slowly starts to turn and I grab onto the door frame to restrain myself from pummeling Newton to the ground. He faces me and hold up my notebook with a cocky smile.

"You know, there's some good material in here."

"That's nice, maybe you can explain to me where you get the right to snoop through my personal belongings."

"I'm sorry, I needed a file and it was just lying there."

He doesn't look sorry at all. I wonder if anyone will believe that I only attacked him in self-defense.

He must see the resolve to kill on my face because he stands up and puts his hands in the air.

"Look I really am sorry, but I have an idea. How would you like to write your own column?"

"Is this a joke?"

"I'm serious. Right now our lowest demographic is women in their twenties and I think this," he holds up my notebook, "could be our saving grace."

"But I don't know anything about writing a column, that's basically a journal."

"It's perfect. Funny and edgy, dealing with real people and real issues. You can be a modern day independent heroine, like Carrie Bradshaw. Who knows, throw in that love triangle and we might be able to get some teen readers too."

"You watch Sex and the City?"

"I hand you your own column on a silver platter and that's all you have to say to me?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just trying to process this." I take a deep breath and think. I know this is the opportunity of a lifetime, but the idea of my personal life being written down for the world- well, southern Arizona, to see makes me nauseous.

Newton busies himself by making a phone call. I'm still debating when he writes down on a piece of paper and slides it over to me. I pick up the paper, see the numbers next to the dollar sign, and Newton hangs up the phone.

"Well?"

"Okay I'll do it, but on one condition. No love triangles."

"And why is that?"

"Besides the fact that there is no love triangle, I'm not really interested in letting Edward know I love him through the newspaper."

"So you really love him?" I'm a little worried by how excited he sounds.

"Apparently. I take it you haven't gotten to that part yet," I sneer.

At least this time he has the decency to look ashamed. "Right, well we'll have all the papers drawn up for you by the end of the day. That's all for now."

I leave his office and before he can close the door I ask, "Hey, what should I call it?"

"I don't know, something witty or catchy? Alliteration is always a nice touch. Just remember, I want you to focus each article on the big stuff, not just the pregnancy… things that all women can relate to."

I sit back down at my desk and tap my pen on my notebook, knowing that I won't be able to write another word down until I think of the title. I flip through the pages for inspiration. I read about my first encounter with Edward with a smile on my face and I get it.

_Monumental Moments_

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Hit me."

"Frosting?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

I poke Edward's forehead and place the frosting dipped vanilla wafer in his outstretched hand. These have become my staple food when I'm either stressed out or feeling down- okay, I guess I'll eat them in any mood- but right now I especially need it.

"Any luck?"

I shake my head no and harshly flip through the pages of my notebook. "I'm just trying to find the balance between what experiences I want to keep to myself and what other women would enjoy reading."

Edward lifts his head from my lap and turns so he can look at me. "I guess I can see where you're coming from, but has anything that personal really happened?"

Oh Edward, if only you knew.

"I mean you already got the o.k. to write about what happened with Jake."

I nod. That was an interesting conversation. Jacob really wasn't too keen on having his infidelity made public, but then he made the mistake of smugly stating that if it weren't for him I wouldn't even have this column. When he realized he basically told me I should thank him for cheating he took out a pen and signed the release form without another word.

Edward stands up to get a book to read and I roll my eyes when he also comes back with his ipod and the giant headphones attached to it.

"Don't roll your eyes; you'll be thanking me when your kid turns out to be a music prodigy."

"You know, your interest in my child's future is starting to freak me out. Your not one of those baby snatchers, are you?"

He plants the headphones around my stomach and lightly taps it. "Is it so wrong that I want the best for my future godchild?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that Jasper is the godfather?"

"Fine, would you prefer it if I were the uncle?"

My eyes widen and I yell no too quickly. He smirks but doesn't say anything, just puts his head back on my legs and starts to read.

A while later I'm in the middle of writing a sentence when I feel a light thump from inside me. So far the only movement from the baby I've felt have been little flutters so I wait to make sure it's not something stupid, like gas. Sure enough I feel it again and I can actually see the bump form on my stomach.

I reach over and grab Edward's hand. "Holy shit Edward, come here come here."

He awkwardly twists around so he can sit up and I place his hand on my stomach. When he feels it he snatches his hand away in surprise.

"Don't be afraid," I laugh and put his hand back on, "it's just kicking."

"Wow," he says as we feel the kicks with our hands laced together. After a minute or so it stops which makes Edward frown so he slowly lifts up the bottom of my shirt. He lightly runs his fingers over me and goosbumps spread across my stomach. He raises an eyebrow at me so I tell him his hands our cold. We both know that's a lie.

He presses firmly below the original spot and the kicks start again. He's so thrilled that he taps along with it, forming their own song.

He looks up at me with a smile when the kicks finally die off.

"What song was it listening to?"

"I don't know, I had it on shuffle." He picks up the ipod to look and starts laughing.

"Tell me," I whine but he's laughing too hard to answer. I huff in frustration and take the headphones off.

"Edward Masen if you had my baby listening to rap music I'll kick your ass," I say as I place them against my ear.

My mouth drops open when I hear Freddie Mercury sing the words "I want to break free."

"Oh my god, my kid is a fucking genius!"

Edward nods his head and laughs. "And it has good taste in music."

He plays the song again and we share the headphones. I try not to look at Edward when it says "I've fallen in love," but I do anyway. Edward is staring right back.

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asks.

"Are you kidding? That's all I've been thinking about for the past week."

"Really?"

I tilt my head at my notebook and groan. "I was a complete mess that day."

"Yeah, you really were," he agrees with a chuckle, "but then I heard your Queen ringtone and I knew you were a keeper."

"Well thank god for that," I laugh.

"When did you know?"

"When did I know that I would be stuck with you?"

"Yeah."

"Oh gee I don't know, it definitely wasn't when I saw your ugly old man car."

"Did you just insult the Volvo?"

"Yep."

I see his fingers slowly creep towards me so I bolt off the couch, but he grabs me around the waist and I fall backward on him.

"Take it back," he says and starts tickling me.

"Never!" I yell which makes his fingers dig even harder. I try to maneuver myself so I can climb over the arm of the couch but he pins my legs with his knee. He's tickling so hard that I just start flailing my arms around so he grabs onto my wrists to hold me down.

I'm laughing and wiggling around to free myself but stop when I look up at his face. His eyes are shut and his jaw is tense. It's just then that I notice how close his body is to mine. He's straddling my legs and his arms are lying over the side of the couch against mine. His body is curved so there is no pressure on my stomach which makes his faces just inches away.

I lay there, panting, and when he opens his eyes his pupils are so dilated that I see little green. It's so intense that I drop my eyes down to his lips- so full and soft and inviting. We're breathing harder now. There's a faint buzzing noise in the background but I lose focus when Edward softly says my name. I arch my back in response so my chest presses up against his. He pushes back.

Then his eyes widen and he jumps off of me. He leans over the other side of the couch, reaching for his vibrating cell phone. I sit up and shake my head to clear it.

"Fuck, I'm late."

"Late for what?"

"I'm supposed to be meeting up with Tanya right now for dinner."

In the past two weeks I've learned to compartmentalize my jealousy towards Tanya. Whatever I hear about her I promptly lock it up in the back of my brain and never think about it again. Ignoring it all together may not be the smartest idea, but it works for me. Combine that with all the time spent writing and thinking about my column and hopefully I will forget about this problem with Edward as well.

"Oh, have fun."

He kisses my forehead in goodbye and rushes out the door.

* * *

**Yes, we will understand what's going on in Edward's head.  
****  
100 reviews- I love you dearly. **


	16. second home

-29 Weeks-

"Okay, I'm going to weigh you now."

I step on the scale and close my eyes; maybe if I can't see the weight gain then it doesn't exist. The nurse hums and pushes the tablet thing. I cringe each time she moves it. Funny, months ago I was begging for some extra pounds and now I just want it to stop.

She smiles and silently writes down the number on my chart, obviously knowing that I would rather be kept in the dark. Unfortunately, she's not the only one standing next to me.

"Twenty five pounds? Damn Bells!"

"It hasn't even been five minutes and I already regret calling you."

Jacob is still laughing but lucky for his groin he at least has the common sense to apologize.

"I'm sorry; even if you gained two _hundred_ and twenty five pounds you would still be beautiful."

The nurse and I roll our eyes. I'm pretty embarrassed to be associated with this moron so I hastily say, "We're not together anymore." She quickly smiles and nods in approval. I ignore Jacob's scowl.

Ten minutes later I'm sitting on the exam table, waiting for Dr. Aro. Jacob is occupying himself with a plastic fetus model. I have to bite my cheek to keep from screaming obscenities when the baby slips from his hands and rolls across the room. Of course at that very moment Dr. Aro swings open the door. When he looks down I prepare myself for a lecture, and I'm a little horrified when he kicks it back to Jacob like a soccer ball instead.

Jacob sloppily puts back the baby and stands up to shake Dr. Aro's hand.

"Nice to see you again doctor. I don't know if you remember me but I'm Jacob, Bella's husband."

Dr. Aro smiles and I shiver. It's not friendly, it's an "I will fuck this shit up and thoroughly enjoy it," smile.

"Please excuse me, I'm slightly confused. I thought the other man with Isabella was the father?"

I smack my forehead and groan. Jacob still has his 100 watt smile plastered on his face but I can see his confusion.

"Nope, you must be mistaken. I'm positive that little guy in there is all me."

Dr. Aro turns to me and strokes his chin. "And I'm positive another gentleman accompanied you to the last ultrasound. Do tell, Isabella. Who was the charming young doctor you introduced me to?"

I can almost literally see the light bulb turn on above his head.

"That guy…Bella…you took that guy before me?" Jacob asks with clench fists.

For a minute I do feel extremely guilty. Jacob has been trying really hard to repair his damages and it must feel awful to find out that another man has been more involved in your child's life. But then I remember why our relationship needs to be fixed in the first place and I straighten my spine.

"Now is not the time, Jake," I spit through my teeth.

Dr. Aro chuckles and tells me to lie down as if nothing even happened. I forget that I'm pissed off at this guy when we start going through the standard procedure and questions- Any headaches? Yes. Any nausea? Ocassasionally. Any Bleeding? No. Any discharge? Ew.

Jacob is sulking in his chair and glaring at the wall, but I can tell by the way his head is cocked that he's really listening. Dr. Aro is in the middle of telling me that the baby is in the head down position when Jacob asks, "What's the possibility of it being a twin."

Dr. Aro raises his eyebrow and answers Jacob like he's explaining addition to a seven year old. "Well, we would have been able to tell if there were multiple fetuses a long, long time ago."

If anyone is an idiot here it's me, I never even thought of his twin sisters Rachel and Rebecca. Jacob still looks unsure so I gently point out, "You would have seen another baby in that ultrasound picture I gave you."

"Well I don't know about this stuff," he huffs, "maybe it was hiding."

And just like that, the little resentful Bella I have inside of me shrinks down even more. I guess I just have a soft spot for clueless men.

We wrap up the appointment and Dr. Aro reminds me, "From now on we'll have check-ups every two weeks, and hopefully in eleven you'll be giving birth."

I smile and nod, but as I adjust my shirt it really hits me. In less than three months I'm going to have a baby. A living breathing human will be coming out of me in eleven weeks. October November and BOOM, there's December. I'm not ready, it's too soon. Oh god, I think I'm starting to hyperventilate.

"Okay Baby, I need you to breathe with me." I confusedly look up at Jacob who is rubbing one arm while Dr. Aro checks my wrist's pulse on the other. Why are they crowding me? What's happening? I take deep shaky breaths with Jacob as he counts "One, two, three, four…"

Dr. Aro gently places my wrist down and frowns, "Isabella, I think you just had a mild panic attack, has this happened before?"

I shake my head.

"You need to tell me if this occurs again, do you understand?"

I take another deep breath and nod. Jacob is still rubbing my arm and the friction is irritating me. I shrug his hand off, "Jake, can you go wait outside?" He looks concerned but thankfully leaves without a word.

"Dr. Aro, I don't think I'm ready."

He smiles, and this time it's understanding and kind. "I know it's a scary thing but trust me, you'll be fine."

"But eleven weeks, that's like two days after Christmas. It's _so_ soon. And what If I go into labor earlier than that? What if I go into labor on the 25th, will you even be here? Oh no, are you going to take a vacation?"

He takes my hands in his and bends down so we're at eye level. "You need to calm down and continue breathing," he firmly says, "your baby needs you to stay relaxed and it needs oxygen, okay?"

I breathe more and get control of myself, "Okay, I'm sorry."

"I assure you I will be available whenever you need me. You and your baby's health are the most important thing to me, alright?"

I nod and for the first ever I give Dr. Aro a hug. He just stands there tense with his arms at his sides but I don't care, it makes me squeeze harder. He laughs and gently pries my arms off, taps my nose with his finger, and walks out the room.

Yeah, I guess I have a soft spot for men who care about my baby too.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

The drive from the hospital is quiet. I wait for Jacob to bring up the Edward issue but every time he opens his mouth he promptly closes it and sighs. I can tell he doesn't want to get in a fight and that he doesn't want to ruin the progress that we've made. I start to wonder when enough is enough. When are you supposed to forgive some after they've hurt you? Is it possible that you can be just as callous by making them wait too long?

I take out my notebook from my purse and jot these questions down. Even though my column is still in that new stage it is gaining a loyal following. It would be nice to hear my readers' feedback on this.

"You know, Sue makes me send her a copy of all your articles."

I put down the notebook and twist so I can see his face. Not the conversation I was expecting but good enough.

"I really miss Sue, how is she?"

"She's doing pretty well. Seth has his first girlfriend and she's all emotional about it."

I smile. I'll never understand how a nice lady like Sue could give birth to such an evil harpy like Leah Clearwater.

"And Billy…he really misses hearing from you too, Bells."

I bite my lip. I didn't even think of how anyone else would feel about our separation. "I'll call and tell them I'm sorry. I just wasn't ready to hear how upset everyone is with me."

He laughs bitterly. "Are you kidding me Bella? They all love you. Me and Leah on the other hand were almost fucking disowned."

"I'm sorry, if I thought that they would find out about my column I wouldn't have written about all that stuff." No matter how hurt I was, I could never try to drive a wedge between Jacob and his family and friends.

"I was the one who told them Bella," he quietly says.

This surprises me. I always imagined a heartless Jacob that would blame the situation on me.

"Why?"

"I won't lie, at first I made it seem like you left without a good reason, but not because I was mad," he rushes after he sees the look on my face, "it was because I was ashamed of myself. When I realized you weren't coming back I broke down. I couldn't stand having you be blamed for my stupid mistake."

I'm sick of traveling back down this road but I can't stop myself. "It really was a stupid mistake, Jake."

He nods. "The worst mistake I'll ever make."

"Oh I'm not sure about that, you still have plenty of time left to make some more," I pathetically joke.

"No Bella, I almost lost you and our baby. There's nothing worse than that."

"Jacob, I need you to understand something. No matter what happens to us, unless you commit some atrocious crime I will never keep you from our child, okay? I want more than anything for you to be there for them."

I should have said that he _did_ lose me but I don't. It's selfish and cruel, but a small part of me is glad that Jacob is still fighting for me, even though it's a lost cause.

"Yeah, you keep saying that Bella, but how am I supposed to believe you when some other guy is coming with you to the shit I should be there for?"

By now were already parked outside Alice's house, and of course Edward's car is sitting in the driveway, taunting Jacob. For the first time I really wish Edward could be somewhere else.

"I get that your upset about that, I really do. But I'm not going to apologize for bringing along a friend when I needed some support."

"Is that all he is, a friend?"

"Do you really want to go there?"

"Nope not at all, but I'm going to anyway."

Just the way he says that make me laugh. I forgot how stubborn we could be together. For some reason fighting like this feels really good. I think it reminds me of how we used to act as teenagers.

"Come on Bella, I'm being serious," he whines and laughs at the same time.

"Trust me Jake, we're just friends. Edward isn't exactly the settle-down-with-a-woman-who's-carrying-someone-else's-baby type of guy."

"Whoa, is any guy that type?" he laughs.

"No, I don't think so," I grin, "and besides, he's been dating someone for the past month."

"Well good for me, and I know I'm the settle-back-down-with-the-love-of-my-life-who's-carrying-my-baby type of guy."

"Is that so?"

"Oh Yeah."

I'm a little worried that we're on the verge of flirting, but luckily Jacob doesn't seem to notice.

"But your at least attracted to the guy, aren't you? I guess he is pretty sexy," he deadpans.

"Well I'm sure he'll be flattered when I tell him that."

"Nah, he drives a Volvo. I'm sure his head is big enough."

I laugh and tell him I'll call later in the week while opening the car door, eager to end the day on a good note, but Jacob reaches over and closes it.

"Wait, don't go yet. I want to give you something."

He reaches in the back and pulls out a small basket.

"Sorry, I didn't know how to wrap it."

I look inside and see a bunch of Seahawk football baby memorabilia. There are plush blankets and adorable onesies and even a mini plush football.

"I was in that baby nursery you started putting together for like an hour, trying to think of what I could get. I saw this online and knew that our little guy should represent."

"What if it's a girl?"

"Well that is incredibly sexist," he exclaims in a high pitched voice, making fun of when we were kids and I tried playing football with the boys at La Push beach. Another memory that tugs at my heart.

"No seriously, I have a gut feeling it's a boy but if it turns out to be a girl I will just have to find something else. But the football stays," he sternly adds.

I laugh and tell him it's a great gift, even though I'm absently rubbing the silver bracelet on my wrist and thinking of the perfect matching rattle.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"I used to run track."

"Really? You dont look like the type."

We're in the middle of our motherhood movie marathon and tonight's movie is _Juno_. After forcing myself to watch hours and hours of birthing documentaries Edward decided that I needed some comedy. We're saving _Knocked Up_ for last, that crowning scene still freaks me out.

"Yeah, I even had the Paulie Bleeker shorts and everything."

I laugh and try to picture teenage Edward in those running shorts. Then I start picturing mini Edward bouncing around in said shorts. I don't know if I'm disturbed or turned on.

"I almost got a scholarship for Northwestern."

"Almost?"

He wiggles one of his feet that are lying on my knees.

"See that scar? I fractured my ankle jumping off a roof at a party."

I roll my eyes and lean over so I can see the scar but my stomach stops me. I end up rocking back and fourth to get some momentum and I don't realize how ridiculous I look until Edward starts cracking up. I pull his leg hair and push his feet off me.

I narrow my eyes at him. "Not funny."

"Hilarious."

I take our pizza box into the kitchen and shove it in the recycle can. There's the typical sharp pain in my back when I straighten up that makes me gasp. I rub my lower back with tight eyes and when I open them Edward is in front of me with a worried look.

"My back hurts," I shrug.

At first he looks relieved, and then he shakes his head and sighs, "Fine, go get ready."

I practically squeal in delight and walk up the stairs as fast as possible. I go into Edward's guest room that I've claimed as my second home and grab the extremely large t-shirt I stole from Emmett out of the dresser.

I climb into the bed and burrow under the covers right when Edward walks in.

"Scooch over, you're taking up too much room."

"Stop flattering me, you're too kind," I drawl sarcastically. I shut up when he throws me a pointed look.

He lies down behind me and gently slides my shirt up. He presses his palms on my shoulder blades and I jump at the contact.

"Your hands are too cold."

He chuckles and rubs them together. I sag at the warm sensation when he places them back on me. He starts the familiar circuit: shoulder blades, spine, and lower back. I can't help but moan as his thumbs knead the sore muscles.

"Too hard," he softly asks.

"It's perfect."

He massages the same path again but this time after my tailbone he puts his hand on my hip. I hold my breath and wait for his apology. He doesn't say a word. He firmly squeezes my hip once and then rubs it in a circular motion. He continues down to the curve of my waist, then up to my ribs. He fans out his fingers and presses them down hard, like he's trying to indent them between each rib.

I expect him to stop there but he doesn't, just goes higher and higher until his thumb lightly grazes the underside of my breast. I bite my lip because I know this is wrong but Jesus Christ it feels so right. He touches me the same way again, one more time, and then his hand slides off.

"Bella?" He's breathing heavily.

I already know what he's going to say. "That was inappropriate," or "I shouldn't do this to Tanya," or even "I don't want you to mistake my feelings for more than friendship." I close my eyes and try to regulate my breathing. If he thinks I'm asleep he won't have to say anything.

And despite my racing heart and scattered thoughts, I do succumb to sleep.

When I wake up in the morning the empty spot next to me is still warm.

* * *

**Please nominate your favorite underrated fanfiction at the Indie TwiFic Awards...I need new stories to read.**


	17. it's time

**FAQ**

**Why is Bella being nice to Jacob? **Because I have a helluva lot more respect for men and women who try to keep a friendship  
with their estranged partner for the sake of the children, instead of constantly acting out of spite. I don't see it as being nice, I see  
it as her trying to work things out the best way she knows how, which is trying to go back to the days when they were friends first  
before anything else.

**What is Edward thinking? And Tanya, wtf? **Okay, so I know as fanfiction readers we are not used to the unknown since we are  
usally able to read different point of views, but I need you to trust me that it will all work out. My goal of the story was to be  
realistic, not overly frustrating, and I'm sorry if I have failed. But even though I love your critiques as much as your praise, I will  
write this story the way I intended to. Have faith.

**Pictures are on my profile.**

* * *

-31 Weeks-

"How many are in your party today?"

"Just one," I tell the host with my head held high, as if dining by myself in a swanky brunch café is something I do regularly.

He grabs a menu and asks whether I would prefer to sit inside or outside, but before I can answer I hear my name being called.

"Bella? Bella is that you, over here!"

I wonder if I could get away with ignoring the voice, but as I look around the other restaurant patrons are staring at me so I turn to the left with a fake smile on my face.

There Tanya is, forcing the woman at her table to move over. Before I can politely decline the host leads me over and places my menu down on the table.

"Would you like to join us Bella?" She asks, as if I even have a choice.

I tell her thank you and sit down as gracefully as possible. They are looking at me with both looks of apprehension and curiosity and I fidget with my napkin.

"Oh, let me introduce you! These are my friends Jane and Chelsea, and I'm sure you've already met my sister, Kate."

Jane and Chelsea both politely nod their heads at me, but I'm grateful when Kate gives me a warm smile.

"It's nice to see you again Bella," Kate says. I tell her the same and my anxiety lessens, I knew I had a good feeling about her.

I ask Kate how working at the practice is going and she laughs. We talk about how crazy and disorganized everything was the first few weeks, and we even joke about how Edward will pinch the bridge of his nose like an old man when he gets stressed.

Tanya is looking at her menu with pursed lips while we talk, and I know I should include her in the conversation but I decide not to. With my luck she probably has all kinds of sordid stories involving sexual escapades and supply closets. I'd rather not take that chance.

Suddenly Tanya puts down her menu and pats my hand excitedly, "Speaking of Edward, just the other day the girls and I were talking about your column. We all love it."

"Well thank you, I'm glad you like it," I tell them, a little worried that talking about Edward automatically reminds Tanya of my column. I try to calmly tell myself that I've been extra careful when it comes to writing anything about him, but then again maybe she's able to sniff out that purely platonic bullshit like a Russian hound dog.

The waiter comes by to take our order and I'm grateful for the interruption. I choose to ignore the look that Jane chick gives me when I ask for sausage links on the side of my French toast.

"I don't know how you do it," she tells me once the waiter leaves. "If I found out I was pregnant I would literally die." The other girl nods her head in agreement. I wonder if she even knows how to talk.

"Yeah, and on top of that being alone!" Chelsea adds.

I guess that answers my question.

Tanya rolls her eyes at her friends. "Jane, the only reason you would die is because you wouldn't be able to fit into your true religion jeans anymore, and Chelsea, it's obvious that Bella doesn't even need a man… unlike someone who just woke up in a stranger's condo."

I look at Tanya and my lips curve upwards without my permission. I'm starting to lose all hope that she even has one bad quality. Damn.

"Anyway, that story you wrote about Emmett going to your birthing class was so hilarious, I just about died!"

What is it about rich people and dying? My fingers itch for my notebook but I tell them to be good. I can't help myself from picturing their faces after reading my version of this little rendezvous, maybe even spitting out mimosas all over their morning paper. I mentally flick the little devil off my shoulder; it hasn't even been that bad.

Actually, I even start to enjoy myself. Jane and Chelsea keep to their selves while I laugh and joke around with Tanya and Kate. We talk about our childhoods and movies and literature, and even though I love my friends it's nice to have a conversation with people who don't know everything about you.

"So Bella, are you excited for Friday night?"

"Yeah, I can't to wait to see Edward's costume," I tell Tanya, feeling guilty once the words leave my mouth. I feel like I should make some sort of apology, even though we aren't doing anything wrong.

Luckily enough she seems to know what I'm thinking. "It's okay Bella; Edward told me that you guys had been planning this for a while. I'm just going to hit a few Halloween bashes with the girls and then I'll steal him away later, is that okay?"

Did she seriously just ask me if she could spend time with her boyfriend on Halloween? God this is so fucked up. I've been spending so much time trying to either ignore her or hate her for being with Edward that I haven't even once considered how she might be feeling. Here she is, having to share her boyfriend with his close friend who just happens to be a woman. Even if she only thinks I'm safe because I'm knocked up, she still must be a freaking saint.

My stomach churns when I think about our behavior, the flirting, the massages, the bed sharing (even though Edward said he simply "fell asleep"), and I think about Jake and Leah. I may not be the "other woman" but I've gotten pretty damn close. I'm a little disgusted with the both of us.

I decide that it's all stopping right here, right now.

"It's perfectly okay," I tell her, forcing myself to mean it.

She smiles and picks up her fork, but then she places it down and turns to me with a nervous expression, "Do you mind if I ask what you are going to do about the charity benefit?"

I've been asking myself the same question. The _Doctors Without Borders_ charity ball is in two weeks and I obviously will be the only one without a date. I wasn't sure if I could handle standing by myself while Edward twirled Tanya around on the dance floor, but now I realize that whether I can handle it or not, it's time that I start to try.

"I'll be flying solo this time, Tanya."

And who knows, maybe next time I won't.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"Come out, I want to see it."

"No, my legs are too pasty. I'm putting the jeans on."

Edward groans from the other side of the door. "Hey, if I have to wear these ridiculous shorts then you can show a little leg too."

"It's not a little leg, it's a whole lot of leg."

"Really?"

"Edwaaard."

"Look, Jasper just said the vein is starting to show. I'm sure you and your legs look perfect and Alice is about five seconds away from kicking our ass, so can we please just go?"

I tug down the hem of my skirt one more time and open the door, coming face to face with Edward's shirt.

"You know, you won't be able to have any children if Jacob every sees that."

"Oh come on, you have to admit it's funny."

"Okay, it's a _little_ funny; now stand back so I can get the full effect."

Edward taps his foot impatiently but complies.

I can't believe he had the balls to walk out of the house. He's wearing bright yellow short-shorts, a matching yellow sweatband around his head, and that ridiculous maroon shirt that says "Real Men Make Twins."

I look down at my slinky shirt, protruding belly, tweed skirt, and plaid sneakers. Yeah, we rocked this shit.

"Bleeker, you are the cheese to my macaroni."

"Right back at ya Juno, now for the love of god can we leave now?"

I laugh and we hurry out the door to my car where everyone is waiting for us.

Jasper rolls down the window from the driver's seat. "Sorry ya'll, Miss O'Hara's skirt couldn't fit in the back."

Edward opens the door for me but I tell him to go in first so I can sit on his lap. I sigh impatiently when he says no.

"It's not a big deal Edward, it will be for like fifteen minutes," I tell him, trying hard to not care that the idea of me sitting in his lap obviously offends him.

"Do you know what could happen in fifteen minutes, Bella? Your not going anywhere without a seatbelt."

"Don't worry, we got it," Rosalie yells from inside. I climb into the car with a smile on my face. I buckle in and laugh at Rosalie who's sitting awkwardly on Emmett's lap, trying not to hit her crown on the roof.

"Rosalie, only you can make Princess Peach look slutty."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment."

"Nice 'stache Mario."

"Gracias!" Emmett says in an exaggerated Italian accent.

"It's grazie you moron," Edward says.

I lean over so Emmett can punch him and peak my head through the front seats to look at Jasper in his military uniform.

"No offense Jasper, but you don't look a thing like Clark Gable."

"Well I'm supposed to be Jude Law from _Cold Mountain_, but _somebody_ refused to wear a blonde wig."

"_I never heard of such bad taste_," Alice quotes in her spot-on southern accent.

Jasper puts his hand on her knee and tries to squeeze it through her giant skirt. "That southern accent is doing crazy things to me, sugar."

She pushes his hand off. _"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar."_

I look at Edward and we both shake our heads. We're going to be listening to that all night.

"So what exactly are we doing?"

"Dad signed us up for the pediatrics ward, you know helping with the games and stuff," Emmett answers.

"That's all?"

Rosalie huffs. "Well gee Bella, if you would rather go party it up than volunteer to help sick children at a hospital, be our guest."

"Calm down you whore; I just thought we were taking my car so you all could drink."

"Nah," Jasper says, "you just get the best gas mileage."

"I'm glad I could be of service to you, don't all thank me at once," I mumble sarcastically.

"You know Bella, I would ask if you're on the rag but that's clearly not the case," Emmett jokes.

I expectantly look at Edward and lean over so he can punch him.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"I always hated this game," I tell Edward as we watch a kid try to pin the tail on a werewolf.

He misses it by a mile but I give him a hand full of candy anyway. "Everyone always got a big kick out of watching clumsy Bella run into a wall."

"You're probably just exaggerating. Here, try it right now. "

I give him a dubious look but let him blindfold me anyway. I step away from him when his hand brushes against my neck, but he grabs my shoulders and pulls me back.

"What are you-"

"Please, that thing's like two feet away," he scoffs and starts spinning me around in circles. He stops when he counts to twenty and lightly pushes me in the right direction.

"Don't worry, I'll tell you if you're about to hit a wall."

I take hesitant steps with my hands outstretched in front of me, wondering why this is taking so long until I hit something with my hands and hear a crash.

I rip off the blindfold and look down at my sneakers, which are now covered with juice from the plastic cups I knocked down.

I scowl at Edward who's laughing his ass off, surrounded by a group of giggling children. He high fives the little boy next to him and walks over with a roll of paper towels.

"I'm sorry, that was just too good to resist," he laughs and bends down to clean up.

"You're not really sorry at all, are you?"

"Nope."

I feel weird just watching Edward on his hands and knees, so I grumble and use the table to support myself as I lower myself down.

We try to clean off the floors silently for a few minutes, until we hear, "Um Bella, I think you're giving all the boys here a free peep-show."

I curse under my breath and look over my shoulder, "Oh, hey Tanya."

Edward laughs and helps me up then walks over to Tanya, who's dressed in a cheerleader uniform, and gives her a hug. I awkwardly stand behind the table, fiddling with the cups.

"Do I even want to know what you guys were doing?"

I shake my head no but Edward decides to tell her all about. She laughs when he laughs, and he grabs her hand when she pokes him in the side.

I stand there and watch how they interact with one another, surprised at how far their relationship has progressed. It hits me hard in a place deep down in my gut, but nonetheless it's the wakeup call I need.

"Bella?" I hear her ask. I didn't even realize they were staring at me.

"I'm sorry," I say, "I just zoned out a little."

"That happens to me all the time. I said us girls have to stick together, right?"

"Right."

"Okay, well I'm going to go show Tanya around," Edward breaks the awkward silence, "so I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"And we should do brunch again sometime soon."

"Okay," I smile.

Edward looks at me curiously but allows Tanya to drag him into the crowd.

Seeing that another volunteer has taken over our game stand and not knowing what to do with myself, I walk over and ask the door greeter if she wants to take a break. She gives me the big bag of candy gratefully and runs to the restrooms.

I hand the candy out with a smile but I'm in a daze. It isn't until a woman pushes a child in a wheelchair up to me that I really focus.

I bend down a little so that we're at eyelevel. "Hello, what's your name?"

"Heidi," she answers bashfully, staring at my candy bag like it's the Holy Grail.

"Happy Halloween Heidi, I'm Bella."

"What do you say Heidi?" Her mother asks.

"It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you too Heidi," I return and she squeals in delight when I give her the whole bag

"Thank you. Momma can I go say hi to my friends now?"

Her mother looks worriedly at her but nods her head. Heidi places the bag in her lap and rolls away. I slowly stand up with my hand on my back and the mother says, "I take it by the look on your face that your stomach isn't a prop."

I laugh and shake my head, "Nope, 31 weeks."

"Your first."

"Yes."

"Don't look so scared, it will be fine," she laughs while following Heidi and her friends around with her eyes.

I watch as Heidi makes a makes a move with her hands, almost like she would be tucking hair behind her ear if she had any. I'm extremely curious but I don't know how to bring it up.

"Cancer," she answers my silent question.

"How long?"

"Almost a year."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

She smiles when Heidi beckons her over and she turns to me.

"I meant it when I said everything will be fine. As long as you have that little boy or girl to love it will all be worth it. Good luck with everything Bella."

"You too."

She walks away and I lean against the wall, thinking about what she said. I search the room for all my friends, watching as Alice and Jasper feed each other candy, Emmett and Rosalie hold hands while talking to other parents, and even as Edward and Tanya laugh with a group of kids.

I'm alone in a room full of joy and laughter and yet the only thing I feel is hope. Hope that if these sick children and their parents can still find a way to have joy in their life, then with the love of my friends and my child I surely can find a way too.

Emmett catches my eye and makes his way over to me.

"You okay?"

"I'm great."

"What are you looking at?"

"I'm just watching my best friends."

"Aww Swan, I'm truly touched."

I smack his arm and move down the wall so he can lean with me.

"She's pretty cool, isn't she?"

I don't need to ask who he's talking about. I look up at him and nod.

"Yeah, I was afraid of that."

I bark out a laugh. "Me too Em, me too."

"So that's it, you're just going to give up?"

I put my hand on my stomach. "I'm not giving up anything, in a couple months I'll have more than I'll ever need."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I _need_ to believe that."

He wraps his around my neck and kisses the top of my head. I close my eyes and let myself enjoy the comfort.

"I leave you alone for one minute and you're already making moves on someone else," Rosalie yells. I laugh and look up, seeing everyone else walk to us.

"Edward and I are taking off," Tanya says, "I was telling everyone that you all are more than welcome to come with us."

I look at my friends but they're waiting for my answer.

"You guys can go; I think I'm going to stay here."

Alice walks up to my side and links her arm with mine. "If you're staying we're all staying."

Edward and Tanya say their goodbyes and we watch them as they head for the main doors. He opens the door and looks back at us, waving goodbye one last time.

"_I wanted you! I wanted you desperately but I didn't think you wanted me_!" Alice shouts. We all look at her and laugh.

"That's awfully kind of you Scarlett, but I'll always only think of you as a friend."

"_I love you, I do."_

"I love you guys too."


	18. three choices

-33 Weeks-

"So, seven more weeks."

I turn from the car window and look at Jacob. His eyebrows are furrowed and his fingers are tapping at the steering wheel, like he's nervous. He's been acting this way every since he picked me up for my appointment this morning. I should ask him what the deal is but today I'm just too tired to care.

"Yeah."

"Are you scared?"

"Of course I am." He nods his head but doesn't say anything.

"Are you?" I ask. I want his answer to be no. I want him to tell me that there is nothing to be afraid of, because as much as I hate to admit it, his positive attitude is one of the few things that have kept me going.

"A little."

I'm just now realizing that we have been taking turns and passing traffic lights on roads I haven't driven in months. My heart is racing but his answer is vague and I need to know why he's scared.

"Why?"

He stops the car and turns off the ignition. He stares at the keychain in his hands and so do I. I refuse to look anywhere else. He finds the lone gold key on a chain full of silver, and then he looks at me.

"I'm afraid that it's always going to be like this. That every time something big happens I will never be able to _really_ enjoy it, because I'll just end up having to leave again. Bella, I don't think you realize how hard it is for me to drop you off every time we see each other, how can I do it when the baby is actually here?"

I don't say anything. There isn't anything I can say because he's right. I try to picture our lives in five or ten years. I can see a black haired little boy, opening Christmas presents with one parent in the morning and repeating it all over again with another parent at night. I imagine him coming up to me and asking if he should call his new step-mother mommy, too. No, it's not the kind of life that any mother wants for her child, but I don't know what to do.

"I don't know what to do."

"I know Baby, neither do I. But for now, just please come inside with me."

I'm shaking my head before he even finishes the question. It's more than I don't want to; it's that I don't think I can.

"Please, I need to show you something." He's pleading with me now and I want to say yes. I want to show him that it's not a big deal but it is. I thought I would never have to set foot inside this house again.

It takes one more "please" for me to open the car door. I keep my head down as we walk slowly down the rocky sidewalk. I hear the door unlock, and then I'm standing in our foyer.

"It looks different," I tell him, because it does. The walls are still tan, the floor is still tiled, my plant is still dying, but something is off. I look to my right and the living room is arranged the same way. I look to my left and the hallway is still covered in pictures.

"I haven't really touched anything out here, it's… the bedrooms that I wanted to show you."

I wonder if he's trying to torture me. Why would I want to see the room I started putting together for our baby, and the other room that caused all this to happen? Frustrated, I decide to follow him down the hallway, thinking that the sooner he shows me whatever it is he wants the sooner I can get out of here.

We stop in front of the master bedroom, _our_ bedroom. He puts his hand on the door knob and looks at me with a worried face. I tell him to open it and prepare myself for the onslaught of memories from that day, but it never comes.

I can't even recognize the room. Instead of red walls they are grey. Instead of mismatched secondhand furniture they are cherry and brand new. Instead of the king size bed on one wall it's on the opposite. The only familiarity is our black and white wedding picture, resting on the nightstand.

"I know it's not enough to erase anything, but I'm hoping that it's a good start. Hell, I'll even buy you a new house if you want me to."

I don't know what to say. I don't want to say thank you but out of practice I open my mouth anyway. Luckily he stops me before I can say anything.

"Just…don't. At least not until you see the other one."

This time he follows me across the hall. I don't even pause when we reach the newly painted white door; I immediately let it fly open. I have just enough time to take a look around the room before I start to sob.

It's anything and everything that I once imagined it to be. A matching crib, rocking chair, armoire, and dressing table. Plush green blankets and pillows. Little matching snuggly stuffed animals. Bright wooden flooring and a shaggy green rug. Three clean white walls and one with a mural of a little prince, standing on a planet in front of yellow stars.

I feel strong hands rest on my shoulders and I turn around. "It's perfect," I cry and he grabs me in his arms, cradling me to his chest. He strokes my hair and softly whispers, "No, it's not perfect. It's not." I nod against his chest, my nose rubbing along his sternum and feeling the wetness of my tears.

Jacob tilts up my head and looks me straight in the eye. He looks angry when he says, "No Bella, it's not perfect. It should have been me. I should have came home to find all this and my beautiful wife waiting for me. And I fucked it all up, I know I did, but God I don't know what else to do. I want you back so bad, I want my family. I can make it so, so good if you just let me."

"But Jake-"

"No, just listen. I don't want to hear you say that you don't really love me, because I don't believe it. I think you've just been trying to convince yourself of that and I get it, I really do. But I saw the look on your face when I opened that door; I saw all the pain that I caused you. If you didn't love me then you wouldn't be hurting this bad."

I feel the heat of his hands surrounding my face, see the sincerity in his deep brown eyes. I suddenly envision a new future, one where Jacob is holding a little baby in that rocking chair while I hang up tiny clothes in the armoire. I see a small boy splashing around in our backyard pool while Jacob and I drink lemonade on the porch. A small part of me knows that it would be good. That just like before, there would be no fighting and it would be easy. That even if I don't love him, I could get past that if it meant my child could have a perfect life.

He's looking at me now like he wants to kiss me. I don't know if I will stop him. But then I remember how much pain I was in that day I walked in on him with Leah. I think of the small hole in my heart that's just starting to finally heal. I can't risk ever feeling like that again, and I actually hate myself for it.

"I can't."

His arms fall and he nods. I can't tell whether he's upset or just resigned, but the look he gives me makes my stomach drop so I look away. He sighs and tells me to go wait for him in the car, that he'll take me home in a minute.

The drive back to Alice's is quiet and somber, as expected. There are so many things running through my mind but when the car stops I ask him the least severe.

"How did you know to make the nursery look like that?"

He shrugs dejectedly. "You had magazines clippings all over the place," he laughs, "I can't even believe I never noticed any of it before. I guess that shows…well, never mind. Oh, and I had a little help, too."

"Help, like a decorator?"

"Not quite." He points to the window and I see Alice, sticking her head through the curtains.

"Really?"

"Trust me, I was surprised too. But I'm glad I was desperate enough to risk being murdered, because she obviously said yes."

I don't know how I feel about that- hurt, betrayed, grateful. I decide to wait and make up my mind when I hear what Alice has to say.

"Well, Thank you…for everything," I tell him, trying to show that I really do appreciate all that he has done, even if it's too late.

"Sure, Sure. Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Just promise me that you'll think about it, what I said earlier."

I tell him yes and get out of the car. I don't see how I could not think about it.

I walk in the house and into the living room, where Alice is waiting for me. She's sitting cross-legged in the recliner with an anxious expression. Seeing her look so small and childlike makes any fight I had left in me drain out. I'm too tired, both physically and mentally, to be mad at her so I lie down on the couch and wait for her to speak.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for a lot of things but I'm not sorry for helping Jacob."

Hearing that, a million scenarios start to run through my head of what she could be sorry for. Confused, I ask her to clarify.

"Have you ever noticed that we never talk about what's going to happen after the baby is born?"

"No. Not until now."

"Yeah. I mean, as much as I hate to say it we don't have enough room for you and a baby. Of course Jazz and I would sleep on the couch for you, but we both know you would never want to burden us with a newborn. So that leaves the option of you finding your own place to live, but you haven't thought of that, have you."

"No, I haven't. But Alice, what does that have to do with you?"

"I think, and please don't get mad at me for saying this, but I think subconsciously you've been waiting for something, or I guess someone."

At first I don't understand what she's trying to tell me, but I get it when I see the look on her face.

"Edward. You think I've been waiting for Edward? You know I've never expected anything from him."

"Do you honestly think that? Because it makes sense. You've grown so close in such a small amount of time, he's always here for you, and you admit that you love him. I know you, Bella. You're so stubborn and strong willed; you could never admit to yourself that you have feelings for someone if you truly believed they were unattainable."

I can't even begin to process what she's saying, so once again I ask, "Like I said, what does this have to do with you?"

"Because a part of that is my fault. This whole time I've been pushing you, saying that you two were meant to be and that it's 'fate.' I just wanted you to be happy, and you aren't happy."

"I'm happy," I argue, not believing my own words.

"No you aren't, every time Edward walks away or mentions Tanya I practically see the joy drain out of you. And you know what, if you really think that you and Edward have a chance then fine. If you want to stay here after the baby is born then okay, we can work with that. And if you ever decide that you want to go back to Jacob, then alright. I promise that I'm going to support you and not interfere no matter what, as long as it makes you happy."

"But why did you help Jacob, is that your way of telling me that you think he will make me happy?"

"No, I helped Jacob because I knew you would want that room to be perfect. I'm not saying you should choose him but I do see that he's sorry, and I do know that if Jasper ever cheated on me I would be hurt and I would be upset, but eventually I would forgive him."

"But you and Jasper, that's different."

"Why, because we love each other? Bella, can you honestly say that you know for a fact that even if Edward never walked into your life you would still be here instead of with Jacob?"

I wish I could say yes. Yes, even if I didn't have some small hope that Edward would rescue me on his white horse I would still believe that I didn't love Jacob. But I can't say that, I feel like I don't know anything anymore.

"You're right, I have three choices. I can stick around and wait for Edward and hope that he will someday feel the same way. Or I can try and make things work with Jacob and hope that things will be different this time. Or I can do this whole thing by myself and pray to God that I'm strong enough. But Ally, what if I make the wrong choice? It's not just me that has the potential to be hurt anymore."

"I don't know Bella, I realize now that I can't tell you what to do. But I know that you'll make the right choice."

"Really? Because I'm not so sure. I've had seven months to figure all this shit out and what do I have to show for it, a new job? How can I possibly make anymore decisions in just seven weeks?"

She leaves the room and comes back with a box of tissues. Then she helps me up so she can sit next to me.

"Thanks. I'm so sick of crying."

"Maybe it's just your pregnancy hormones."

"Well it's shitty time for those to finally start acting up."

She laughs and leans over to hug me. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You have an amazing job, you finally gained some independence, and no matter what you choose, I know you'll be a better person because of all this."

We hear the front door open and I wipe my eyes, not wanting Jasper to see me like this. I blow my nose one more time and tell Alice, "I hope so. I'm just so sick of this back and fourth thing. Every time I finally feel confident in my decisions something always happens that makes me second-guess myself."

"Welcome to motherhood!"

We look up and see Esme, smiling at us with a garment bag in her hands. Alice jumps up to greet her and I stay on the couch, waiting for her to make her way over to me- one of the joys of being pregnant. She kisses my cheek and sits next to the fireplace where she hangs the bag on the mantle.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"

"I'm fine Esme. Just doubting my abilities as a mom and as a decent human being- you know, the usual. What's in the bag?"

"Well, I was shopping in Scottsdale and I found this darling maternity boutique," she stands up and unzips the bag, "I thought this color would look lovely on you, and that it would be perfect for the benefit."

Out of the bag falls a beautiful floor-length gown. It's satiny midnight blue with wraps around the waist.

"Oh Esme, it's perfect."

"You like? It's okay you can tell me the truth, and if you already have a dress I completely understand."

"I do already have one, but this makes mine look like a redneck prom dress."

"I'm very glad to hear that. And I'm guessing that you don't want to talk about what's bothering you, am I right?"

I'm sure if I told Esme about my problems she would be able to offer me all her maternal wisdom, but Alice is right. No one but me can make this decision.

"You know I love you Esme, but right now I think I'm all talked out."

"That's perfectly fine. Why don't we ladies spend the rest of the day planning our hair and makeup, hmm? Let's show our men just how lucky they are."

I look down at my stomach and pudgy fingers. "Good thing I don't have anyone to impress."

Esme reaches up to wipe a residual tear off my cheek and then takes my hands in hers. "What ever you say, sweetie."

* * *

**I was planning on writing the benefit but it would have been too long, so sorry for the lack of Edward. Buckle up kiddos, things are gunna get rough.**

**And thank you to whoever nominated me for the Indies, I could just kiss you. **


	19. silent prayer

**The week that won't end! Next chapter should be up either tonight or tomorrow.**

**Pictures on profile.**

* * *

-33 Weeks-

"Esme found a couple houses for me to go look at this weekend."

We're in Alice's master bathroom, getting ready for the benefit. I'm sitting in the vanity chair, trying like hell to hold still. Rosalie is busy painting my nails on my left side, and Alice is rolling my hair in hot curlers on my right.

"Are you sure you don't want something more temporary, like an apartment?" Alice asks while looking at me through the mirror.

"No, nothing temporary. I'm giving myself two weeks to get my shit together. Whatever decision I make is the one I'm going to stick with."

Rosalie looks up at Alice with raised eyebrows but neither of them say anything else. I don't blame them, at this point I barely believe myself.

"So," I think of something to change the subject. "What kind of fancy limo will be taking us to this shindig?"

"Didn't you know Darling," Alice exclaims in a posh voice, "We're going to a ball, not the senior prom."

Rosalie nods her head. "And don't say shindig, you sound like my great-aunt Ethel."

I jerk my hand so she messes up the polish. I smile as she glares at me.

"Okay, well I know we're not arriving at the Scottsdale Plaza in my Toyota…"

"Apparently it's in vogue to show up in our flashiest cars. My parents are letting us borrow the Mercedes and Edward has his Ashton whatever -"

"It's an Aston Martin," Rosalie grumbles.

Alice rolls her eyes, "Sorry, his _Ass_-ton Martin, so now we just need to figure out who goes with whom."

Alice starts to fidget with her fingers and I immediately tell something's off. Then I realize that she said the _Mercedes_, which means her and Emmett are probably peeing themselves with excitement over driving Carlisle's most prized possession. So unless I want to split everyone up and look completely obvious, I'll just have to ride with the golden couple. Delightful.

"You four take the Mercedes. I can go with Edward and Tanya."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. When did Edward get a new car?"

Rosalie looks at me skeptically. "It's his car from Chicago. His parents brought it down with them."

They're both looking at me now, like it's somehow my job to know these things. "Yeah… we haven't really talked much this week."

"Maybe he's just been busy," Alice says with a sympathetic face.

Rosalie snorts. "Sure, he's been busy playing Russian roulette with a certain blonde."

"Rosalie Hale!" Alice scolds. Rosalie shrugs at me but doesn't apologize. I wave Alice off before she works herself into a tizzy.

"It's okay Ally, she's right."

I sit there and think about what tonight will be like. I can easily picture Edward and Tanya schmoozing it up with Scottsdale's elite, but when I imagine the rest of us it gets a little murky. I try to word my thoughts carefully. "We're not exactly going to blend with the crowd tonight, are we?"

Luckily they both know exactly what I'm saying. "Are you kidding me? Not with Rose and Em's PDA and mine and Jasper's love affair with open bars."

Rosalie and I shake our heads and laugh. We've both experienced first hand how Alice and Jasper like to take advantage of free drinks.

"Don't forget about my oh-so chic flip flops," I add.

"They're not flip flops they're Prada sandals," Alice stresses. Then I hear her mumble under her breath, "I still think you could have worn high heels for one night."

I point to my stomach with one hand and flip her off with the other.

"Well aren't we a classy bunch."

Rosalie dismisses me with her typical "Fuck 'em." I wish I had her attitude, but I can't shake the feeling that tonight isn't going to be a good one.

"So Bella, what should we expect of Dr. and Mrs. Masen?"

I turn to Alice and try to put together all the little pieces that Edward has told me. "Well… they're both pretty smart, very elegant, a little standoffish-"

"So they're the typical rich bastards?" Rosalie cuts me off.

Eh, I'm not going to lie. "Exactly."

"I'm sure they'll love Tanya."

"Of course. They'll be planning a June wedding at the Ritz by the end of the night."

Rosalie fake gags and Alice sighs. "Bella, are you sure you'll be okay tonight?"

Sweet Alice, always sees straight through my self-preservation sarcastic bullshit. Do I think I'll be able to stand watching Mr. and Mrs. Ed Jr. drool all over the perfect Tanya? Definitely not. Is it too late to back out now?

Absolutely.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I put my last earring in and take a step back to check the overall appearance. The dress is a little snug at the top but it flows in a tasteful way over my stomach. The material feels good on my sensitive skin, so even though I'm more bare than usual, I feel extremely comfortable. I place a hand over my teardrop necklace and relax even more. Jacob got me this jewelry set for our first Christmas as husband and wife. Just thinking about the memory puts a small smile on my face. I don't know what this says about my feelings, but tonight I need all the help I can get.

Alice knocks on the door and comes in. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah, I just need my clutch." I grab the bag off my bed and walk to the door. Alice stops me with her palm raised and says, "Wait."

"Did I forget something?"

"Not a thing. I just wanted to let you know that no matter what happens tonight, you've never looked prettier."

I smile and start to tear up. "Thanks Ally."

"Your welcome. And I know that we decided she was 'nice,' but I'd just like to throw out there that Tanya's dress is too small and the color looks like baby poo."

I laugh. "Okay Alice, if bashing Tanya's wardrobe makes you feel better then by all means. Just try to watch that mouth after you get a couple champagnes in you."

She deviously smiles and I swear I see her eyes flicker.

"I don't know what evil ideas are running through your mind right now but they need to stop."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

I say a silent prayer and nudge her out the door and to the stairs. "Let's do this."

The dress is a little too long so I hold my head down and keep my eyes trained on my feet. I tightly grip the banister and take slow, careful steps. If I can just make it down the stairs without stumbling then this night will be off with a good start.

I smirk in triumph as I take my last step, and just as I'm about to raise my head I bump into a hard body. I look up to see a smiling Edward.

"You okay?"

"Oh! Hi."

He grins. "Hey."

"How…how are you?" I don't know why I feel so awkward all of a sudden, but I have a feeling Edward is enjoying it.

He puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs. "I'm good."

I follow the motion of his hands and I get too sidetracked to respond. His grey tuxedo pants are deliciously snug in all the right places. I fantasize about pulling down that silly fly zipper with my teeth. My eyes roam up to his tailored jacket and his white dress shirt that leaves the hint of a broad, strong chest. His black skinny tie is practically begging me to wrap it around my fist and pull him closer.

I hear a throat clear and my eyes unglaze. Edward is biting his lip and silently chuckling. There is no chance that I can talk my way out of this one. I have never been so embarrassed.

I have never been so turned on.

"You clean up good, Masen."

"Why thank you." He grabs my hands and takes a step back. "You're absolutely gorgeous, Swan."

I don't bother correcting him. It may be my imagination but his eyes are intense as he says this. The look is so severe I can practically feel it down to my bones.

"Umm guys, I think we're going to be late."

I peer over Edward's shoulder and see that Emmett and the rest of the group are in the room with us. Emmett and Jasper are grinning at me and the girls are fanning themselves with their hands.

I blush and reluctantly let go of Edward's grip. "Where's Tanya," I ask.

"Oh, she's in the car taking a phone call."

"Okay," I say, feeling my nerves start to settle back in. "Well, I guess we shouldn't keep her waiting."

We all walk out the front door and go our separate ways. I follow Edward to the sleek black car at the end of the driveway. Tanya waves through the front window but I'm not paying attention to her. I'm picturing myself sitting on the hood, the perfect height for Edward to stand between my legs and align himself _right there_.

"What do you think?"

I snap out of my thoughts and look up at Edward. Jesus, I need to get a hold of myself.

"I think it's a nice ride, Dr. Masen." I didn't mean for my voice to sound so breathy, honestly.

He smiles and looks at the car. Then his eyebrows scrunch and he looks back and fourth between me and Tanya. I see the dilemma on his face so I put my hand on his arm to stop him. "Don't be ridiculous Edward; I'm sitting in the back seat."

He nods and walks to the driver's side. "Okay, but you're sitting behind me, it's safer."

I shake my head and stand next to him as he opens the single door. I expect him to reach down for the lever under the seat but instead he just pushes a button on the side panel. The seat slowly scoots forward with a low hum.

"Very impressive."

"That's my girl."

Luckily, I'm able to catch myself before I cheekily ask, "I thought I was your girl?" I don't think Tanya would appreciate hearing that.

I take Edwards hand and slide into the seat as daintily as possible. Tanya snaps her phone shut and turns to me.

"Hello again, Bella."

"Hi Tanya."

"You look lovely this evening."

"Thanks, so do you." Alice is wrong, her yellow dress doesn't look like baby poo. It's actually a lovely shade of vomit.

"Have you seen Edward's parents yet?" I ask, hoping I won't have to witness the first meet and greet.

"No, they arrived late last night so Edward hasn't even seen them."

Edward starts the car and pulls out of the driveway. Even though I already know the answer, I ask him anyway. "Are you excited to see your parents?"

He scoffs. "Thrilled."

"Oh Edward, I'm sure you're just exaggerating. You haven't seen them in six months."

Uh-oh. Abort mission Tanya, abort! She obviously hasn't delved into his childhood yet. I see his grip on the steering wheel and I _almost_ feel bad for the girl. I lean back and get comfortable, not too ashamed to admit that I'm excited for some drama. Unfortunately, he doesn't say anything and simply turns on the radio. Typical Edward.

If Tanya noticed the shift she hides it pretty well. Instead, she freshens up her lipstick in her compact and then faces me.

"So Bella, I'm guessing this is your first charity gala?"

Ouch, I wonder how Detective Tanya figured that one out.

"Yep, it sure is."

"Well, if it gets to be too much you can always tag along with Edward and I."

As I'm about to make some snarky comment Edward laughs, "Don't worry about it Tanya, Bella can easily handle herself." He looks at me through the rearview mirror and winks.

"Of course you can, sorry."

Once again, I'm here molesting her boyfriend with my eyes and she's the one apologizing.

"No, I know what you meant. Thank you for the offer."

We sit in comfortable silence. I rest my head against the seat and close my eyes. I let myself enjoy the feel of the car. Edward's driving is fast but confident, turning and swerving with ease. Just as I'm about to fall asleep Tanya suddenly says, "Who knows Bella, maybe you'll find yourself a handsome doctor."

My eyes snap open. Without my permission, they glance up at the mirror. Edward's starring right back, holding my gaze. I inwardly count to five, and then I look away.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

After another tense twenty minutes we finally arrive at the Scottsdale Plaza. I'm surprised to see a group of photographers outside the entrance. After leaving the car with the valet we start walking down the metaphorical red carpet. Tanya and I are on each side of Edward, and I can't even imagine what this looks like. A few shots snap here and there, but then we hear someone ask, "Dr. Masen?"

Edward turns around and politely nods, then cameras start flashing all at once. Tanya smiles politely behind Edward, but I'm too shell shocked to move a muscle. Even though I shouldn't be surprised that a doctor is being noticed at a doctor's benefit, I still have to remind myself that this is real.

After a minute Edward turns back around and places his hands on our lower backs, and we continue down the aisle. I hear Tanya mention something about good exposure, but I'm in some sort of a daze.

We walk into the doors and Tanya immediately takes off after spotting some friends. I start to follow the line of people but Edward stops me.

"Bella, are you alright?"

I look up at him and slowly nod. "Yeah, I'm just… is this something you're used to?" There's a feeling deep inside my chest, almost like…betrayal. What other parts of Edward has he kept hidden from me?

He gently grabs my arm and pulls me to the side. "This, this right here, it's just business. You know _me_."

Of course he understands how I'm feeling, he always does.

"Sorry, this is a lot to take in."

"Don't be, to be honest I wasn't really expecting anyone to even know who I am… I guess my father's been spreading the word."

His eyes are downcast. I put a palm to his chest, hoping to give some comfort. "You seem worried."

"I'm used to them, just please; don't pay attention to a word they say. Actually, you should just avoid them."

I move my hand up, right over his heart and smile. "Don't worry, if I can take Dr. Aro then I can surely handle the Masens."

He laughs, "You may be right." He then places his hand on top of mine and squeezes. "Let's go, the sooner we start this the faster we can leave."

We stand back in line and wait to be checked in. We tell the host our names, and he signs us off and then directs us to the Valencia ballroom.

The courtyard outside the Valencia is lit with candles and dangling crystal lights. In the center is a string quartet, and off to the sides there are chairs and a large dance area under a trellis. The sky is just light enough for the scenic mountains to stand out, but dark enough for the candles to cast a warm glow. There's the perfect amount of people gathered outside, not too little and not too much.

"I know what you're thinking," Edward whispers in my ear.

"Oh really, and what's that?"

"There's no way I'm going to fend for myself. You have to come inside for at least dinner, then you can stay out here all you want."

I give my best pleading face. It doesn't work.

"Come on, and don't leave my side until we find the rest of our group."

I huff, "I'm not a child Edward. I think I can manage a few adult conversations."

"And what if I want you near me for my sake, not yours?"

Well, I can't really argue with that.

We walk into the ballroom and I'm immediately overwhelmed. The room is full of tuxedoes and sparkly dresses.

"We'll head straight for the tables. Hopefully not too many people will stop us."

I can't even see the tables over the mass of people, just the raised platform with the band. Out of desperation I grab onto Edward's hand and let him pull me through.

A few people do stop us, just for idle chit chat and congratulations for Edward. I smile politely as Edward introduces me, but luckily enough no one really pays attention to me.

We finally come to the dining area, so I let go of Edward's hand and look for our friends. I spot Rosalie and Emmett across the room, standing and waving at us. We make our way over to our table for ten.

"Holy fuck, isn't this amazing?"

I laugh at a wide eyed Rosalie. Now that we've reached the table I'm calm enough to actually look around. There are chandeliers and flower arrangements and waiters carrying trays of champagnes in red vests.

"Yeah, this is crazy."

Edward chuckles at us and pulls my chair out for me. As I start to sit down we hear, "Hello, son."

We all turn around. There they are- Ed Jr. and Elizabeth Masen, complete with impeccable clothes and blank faces. Next to them is a slightly older woman, who has grey hair and a kind face.

"Mother, Father. It's good to see you again."

"You too Darling." Elizabeth's tone is quiet.

Edward looks at me and puts his hand on my back. "Bella, I'd like you to meet my parents, Dr. and Mrs. Masen, and this is our long-time family friend, Dr. Randall."

I'm reeling over the fact that Edward has to introduce his parents by their surname. The three of them nod their head at me, and in what seems like slow motion, I see their gaze travel down to my stomach.

His father looks at Edward with hard eyes. "Edward, you didn't."

I look up at Edward, who seems just as confused as I am. Then I see his eyes widen and he sputters, "Oh no, it's…not mine."

Ed Jr. pinches the bridge of his nose and Elizabeth looks like she's about to faint. Edward shakes his head and scowls. "Will you two let me finish? This is my _friend_, Isabella."

I pathetically smile. "Dr. and Mrs. Masen, Dr. Randall, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Dr. Randall smiles back at me. "And it's a pleasure to meet you dear. Please, call my Charlotte."

I wait for Edward's parents to ask me to call them by their first names. They don't.

"And you can call me Bella."

Edward and his parent's are in some sort of a starring contest, so I awkwardly turn around and seat myself. Emmett and Rosalie are looking at me in disbelief. I mouth, "I know," and ask them, "Where's Alice and Jasper."

They laugh and point at the bar. I see Alice practically perched on Jasper's lap with a pink drink in her hand.

Now the rest of them take their seats. Edward pulls out Charlotte's chair next to me and then sits across the table, next to his parents. I'm a little confused until I see the place cards. I lean over and discreetly switch my card with Alice's so I don't have to move. I hear Charlotte quietly laugh.

"Sorry, I'm sure that's not very proper." I say, then put a hand on my stomach. "It's getting a little hard to keep moving up and down."

She tells me not to worry and then we make small talk about my baby. I really like this woman, especially when I see her sneak dirty looks at Ed Jr. Alice and Jasper eventually joins us and introduce themselves. Charlotte asks Jasper if he by chance knows the Whitlocks in Raleigh and he says, "In fact I do, they're my cousins." They then start namedropping so I zone out and focus on Edward. He's talking to his father with a frown. Judging by their postures the conversation is serious. Elizabeth is just sitting there, starring at them with a demure expression.

I watch with baited breath as I see Tanya emerge behind them. Edward and his father stand up like prefect gentlemen. She shakes Ed Jr.'s hand and leans down to kiss Elizabeth on the cheek. She straightens up and says something with a smile, and the three of them start to laugh.

I finally realize that I never even had a chance.


	20. so predictable

**Apparently this story has become my worst nightmare. You know, the kind of story with the ridiculously dragged out heart fail that just becomes frustrating and annoying? I guess since I know how this sucker ends I never really noticed it. Eh, if you don't want to keep reading I can't blame you. If you're willing to stick around, I'll try my best to make it worth the wait.**

* * *

-33 Weeks-

"Jesus Mary Joseph, what the hell is this?"

I watch Jasper prod our entrée with a disgusted face. Always polite, Alice takes a small nibble, places her fork down, and then starts silently laughing. Rosalie is shaking her head and Emmett just looks downright pissed.

"My man, what's going on here?" Emmett gestures to the waiter.

"That would be foie gras with mustard seeds and spring onions in duck juice, sir."

"Oh okay, thanks for clearing that one up," he sarcastically grumbles. Rosalie rubs his back; she knows that a hungry Emmett makes a mean Emmett. "Don't worry Babe; we can get a burger on the way home." I see Ed Jr. narrow his eyes at her. In a bold move she glares right back. The right side of his mouth twitches, and the expression he's wearing is almost similar to…respect? I am both confused and completely fascinated.

"Is something wrong with your meal, sweetie?"

Charlotte's like your nice grandmother, the one who sends you twenty dollars every birthday and you just can't say no when she invites you to lunch. I look down at the meat slab and gelatin substance, and then I run a mental list of all my stored pregnancy excuses.

"No, it looks delicious. I'm just really sensitive to the smell."

She nods in agreement. "I know exactly what you mean. When I was pregnant I made my husband change bath soaps every week."

How adorable. I just want to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. Just looking at her makes me feel guilty for never calling my gran.

"Hopefully you enjoy desert."

I do, but not just because of the mouthwatering crème brulée. I don't know whether it's from the champagne or the happy full stomachs, but the tense atmosphere begins to relax. Ed Jr. engages Emmett in what looks like a pleasant conversation, and I think I even see Elizabeth smile. I mainly talk to Charlotte and Jasper, but occasionally I'll shout to Edward over the table.

"Twenty bucks says the first auction item will be a yacht."

"How clichéd do you think we are? And who buys a yacht in Phoenix?"

It doesn't escape my notice that Edward categorizes himself with the upper class when he says "we." The same Edward Masen that drinks tequila out of baby bottles and sings drunken renditions of "Bohemian Rhapsody" at karaoke bars.

"Trust me Edward, this is_ Snobsdale_, you don't need a lake to own a yacht."

"Alright, it's on."

The waiters clear our tables and the lights dim. A screen drops down the main stage and sad music fills the room. A slideshow plays, showing photos of starving children lying on the ground, babies with cleft palettes, and doctors performing surgeries in white tents. It's certainly depressing, and I can't even begin to imagine what these selfless doctors go through, but something about this whole display just isn't sitting right with me.

The lights turn back on and a man walks on the stage with a microphone. He briefly describes the mission statement and achievements made by _Doctor's Without Borders_, and he thanks us for our participation.

"Without further ado," he says, "Here are the items we have collected for the silent auction."

That was it, a ten minute slideshow with a five minute speech? How is this supposed to be a charity benefit if I barely even know what I'm benefiting?

"You seem troubled, Isabella."

My eyes widen and I look at Ed Jr. I can't even believe that he remembers my name.

"No, not troubled. I'm just thinking.

He seems amused. The rest of the table goes silent.

"Care to share?"

No, no I would not. That's why I was thinking and not speaking out loud, obviously.

"I was thinking that this seems more like a party for the rich and less like a charity event."

"Oh really, and how so?"

I see Edward shake his head no and I wish I never even said anything. But then I tell myself that maybe he's not such a jerk, maybe he just appreciates strong people who speak their mind. I try to channel my inner Rosalie.

"I get that these events are good for networking and exposure, and I'm sure the auction will raise money, but together this all seems useless."

He looks angry. It's definitely too late to stop now, my mouth starts to run on its own.

"I mean, the food alone must have cost at least a thousand per person, and then you add the ballroom price, the decorations, the musicians, the open bar…it really adds up. I'm just wondering how many people we could've helped with all the money spent on this night alone. Doesn't it seem ironic that we're spending money to raise money?"

He leans back with raised eyebrows. "My, you certainly have a big mouth for such a small women."

"Father-"

"Settle down Edward, this is just a friendly debate. Now tell me Isabella, how would you suggest that we raise the millions needed to help these underdeveloped countries?"

Indeed, what the hell do I suggest… bake sales? He must know that I have no idea because he doesn't give me time to answer.

"So what's really useless, spending a small amount to raise a lot, or standing back and judging those who are at least trying?"

I feel my face flame up. I have no words.

"Now, I've listened to you and your friends' snide comments all night, and frankly I'm tired if it." He stands up and takes his wife's hand, "Come Elizabeth, let's make our bids."

My lips start to tremble and my eyes water in embarrassment. Edward abruptly says, "Don't," and walks to my side of the table. Jasper gets up to let him sit and the rest of them quietly leave.

"Don't cry over what he said, it isn't worth it."

"He's right, I'm so stupid!"

Now he's laughing at me. "You're not stupid, silly girl."

"Yes I am. I should've just kept my mouth shut."

"Now where would be the fun in that?"

"Shut up, that's not funny."

He laughs again and puts something in my hand. I look down to see a one hundred dollar bill.

"What, is paying off girls that cry because of your father something you're used to?"

"You'd be surprised. You were a little busy when the speaker listed the 30 foot yacht."

"Told you so, but why are you giving me a hundred dollars?"

"Well for one I'm trying to distract you, and we snobs don't usually carry twenties."

I know he meant for it to be a joke, but hearing that brings on a new wave of guilt.

"I'm sorry! I'm an awful person. I didn't mean to offend anyone, I swear."

"You need to calm down. I told you he was an asshole, just forget about it."

"He is an asshole," I mumble.

"And if he didn't want to know what you had to say then he shouldn't have asked," he argues.

I nod and straighten my spine. "Yeah! It's not my fault he can't handle other opinions."

He smiles at me. "Do you feel better now?"

"A little," I laugh. "I need to go freshen up."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"To the restroom?"

"Well, not inside…"

"No, I'm fine. You should go find Tanya."

"Do I have to?"

"Edward! That's a horrible thing to say." Please, tell me more.

"I know. She _is_ really good at the whole networking thing, I'm just not in the mood. Swear to God, if I ever start acting like these people you'll slap me across the face." He actually does seem worried.

"Oh, it would be my pleasure. But like you said, it's just business, right?"

"Right."

"By the way, I'm keeping all that money."

"Yeah, I should've known better."

We share a smile and then leave the table. I make my way over to the bathroom while Edward finds Tanya.

I look in the mirror, wipe the mascara from under my eyes, and tell myself to get over it. When I leave the bathroom I suddenly realize that I have no idea where anyone else is. Should I go look at the silent auction and see all the things I can't afford, be the awkward loner who drifts from group to group, or be the sad girl that hangs out at the bar? Knowing my friends, I choose the bar.

Sure enough, right after I order my water I spot Rosalie and Emmett walking towards me.

"How you holding up kid?"

"I'm fine, just telling myself that it wasn't as bad as it felt."

Emmett pats my head. "Nah, that was pretty rough. What on Earth were you thinking, going up against Daddy E. like that? Even I figured out that you shouldn't mess with him."

"I was trying to be all confident and strong like Rosalie."

They both stare at me incredulously. "Seriously?" Rosalie questions. "Bella I'm a bitch, anyone can see that from miles away. That right there was like watching a Chihuahua try to attack the mailman. It just doesn't work."

"Whatever, I'm over it. I'm surprised that you two are over here instead of Alice and Jasper."

Emmett orders a margarita. "Yeah I'm doing the drink runs now that the bartender cut Alice off."

"You must be a proud big brother."

"Couldn't be prouder. Come on, let's go find those two before they cause a scene."

We walk through the dance floor, by the silent auction, and around the band. After a couple minutes Emmett jokes, "If I were an Alice, where would I be?"

I think about Tanya's dress and I laugh. "She's either with the worst dressed or the best. Where do you want to start?"

We all agree. "The worst."

I grip Emmett's arm and stand on my tippy toes to look over the crowd. I see sequins and magenta next to the chocolate fountain, and a flash of curly blonde hair. "I don't know abut an Alice but I'm pretty sure I found a Jasper."

After passing a couple people I notice that Alice is waving her hands at the women animatedly, and Jasper's shoulders are shaking with his face buried in Alice's hair. We get closer and I hear, "I mean seriously, isn't that itchy? You should be careful when you walk next to those candles outside."

"Hey Ally, what are you doing?"

"Oh hey guys! I'm just having a convo with this nice woman. What's your name again? Wait never mind, I don't really care."

I grab Alice's arm and apologize to the very livid woman. To Alice's defense, that can't be comfortable.

"Really Alice, already?"

"Oh come on, don't be so boring you Boring Bella. Ha, how's that for alteration?"

"You mean alliteration?"

"Same thing. Jasper Baby, are you okay?"

Jasper sleepily nods from his headrest on Emmett's shoulder. Rosalie asks me if I can handle her while they take Jasper back to the table. I make the mistake of saying yes.

"So help me Alice, if I ever have a second wedding the bar will be closed because of you two."

"Puh-lease. The only way that will happen is if Edward gets his head out of his ass, or should I say Tanya's?"

"Cute Alice, real cute. Let's not mention any of this to Edward, okay?"

"Hmm we'll see. Hey is that Elizabeth? Elizabeth!"

Several people stare when Alice shouts, and I don't know whose face is redder, mine or Elizabeth's. She lightly smiles and waves.

"Isn't Edward's mom just so pretty? But why does she look so sad…let's go cheer her up!"

I don't even fight her on this. I figure Edward's parent already hate me.

"Hello girls, are you enjoying yourselves?"

"We're having so much fun. Where's Edward? We looove Edward."

"He's here somewhere. I'm so glad he decided to meet up with you Alice, you two were such good friends."

"Oh yes me too, and especially Bella. He met Bella just a couple days before he came to my house, isn't that crazy?"

Elizabeth looks at me in a puzzling way, like she's trying to figure me out. "What a nice coincidence."

"Very," I agree. "You're son has really been a great addition to our group, and he's such a good friend to me." I'm only trying to suck up a _little_ bit.

"That's Lovely. I've been trying to get him to go up and play the piano tonight; it's been too long since I last heard him. The pianist is taking a break right now, maybe you can convince him?"

"I can do it. Bella, stay right here while I go find Edward, promise?"

"I promise."

Alice leaves and I try to think of something to say. Elizabeth takes a sip from her champagne and flips her shiny auburn hair over her shoulder.

"I love your earrings," I tell her.

"Thank you. They were a gift from Ed's mother."

"Edward has told me about his grandmother."

"That surprises me. His grandmother's death was very hard on him. You must be close. "

"He's my best friend," I simply tell her.

"Are you two ladies talking about me?"

I look around Elizabeth and see Alice dragging Edward by his elbow.

"I was just telling your mother how much I can't stand you."

"Well that's unfortunate, here I was thinking you were my closest friend."

Alice rolls her eyes. "Okay, we all know you guys are the bestest of friends blah blah blah. Edward, if you're really Bella's best friend then you should play her the piano."

"Bella would never make me do that."

Alice cups her hands under her chin and turns on the puppy eyes. "Please Edward."

He chuckles until he sees Elizabeth do the same thing. "Oh Edward, would you? For me?"

"Now that's just low."

They all look at me, Elizabeth and Alice expectantly and Edward pleadingly. It seems I have no choice. I open my eyes wide and stick out my bottom lip. "Pretty pretty please?"

"I hate you all."

"Don't be so dramatic. You used to play at my dinner parties all the time."

"Mother I was ten." He bashfully puts his head down but I catch the blush.

"It doesn't matter how old you are. You're still my baby and I'm still you're mother, now go."

Edward slouches his shoulders and starts to walk away. He turns around and says, "What the hell am I supposed to do? Just walk up there and start playing?"

"That's exactly what you're supposed to do, it's not like anyone will notice. And watch your mouth."

He scowls and keeps walking. Elizabeth watches him with a smile. I'm amazed at how she is acting now compared to her somber self earlier. It's obvious that the change occurs because of her husband. I don't blame her.

"Excuse me," Alice says, "Looks like the bartenders are switching shifts."

I don't stop her, I'm too focused on watching Edward step on the platform and sit at the piano. He places his hands on the keys, takes a deep breath, and begins to play.

"You seem surprised."

I listen to the familiar silky notes and watch his fingers fly across with ease. "I knew he could play," I tell her, "I just didn't know he could _play_."

"Yes, Edward likes to try and forget anything that has to do with his home life."

"May I ask why?" I ask her, even though I can guess.

"I'm sure he has his reasons. I know more than anyone how easy it is to get sucked into this lifestyle."

I want to ask her how she does it. How she's able to live with such an awful man when she's obviously not happy. For the first time I'm wondering who's stronger- the woman who stays or the woman who leaves.

"All I can say is I'm glad he found a new start here. Look, here comes Charlotte and Tanya."

"Elizabeth, it looks like you finally got him to agree."

"Actually Tanya, I think that was all Bella."

"I'm not surprised," she says, and I tell myself I imagined the sarcastic undertone. Charlotte stands next to me and closes her eyes. "Chopin. My favorite."

"So that's how I recognized it. Edward has the baby listen to this all the time." The three of them look at me, and I realize how intimate that sounded. I open my mouth to explain but Elizabeth stops me. "Of course he does, I did the same thing."

I don't want to look at Tanya so I turn back to the piano. Edward finishes the last notes with flair and stands up. He bows gracefully as people clap. I'm sure he hated that. Tanya begins to walk towards him but Elizabeth says, "Why don't you come with me Tanya, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine over…there." Tanya nods her head and I'm left with Charlotte. We both watch as Edward gets stopped by groups of people on his way over to us.

"You love him," she says.

I don't try to deny it. "Is it that obvious?"

"To everyone else except the one person that matters."

I look over at Tanya. "I don't think it matters at all."

To my confusion she laughs at me. "I thought you were smart."

I frown. That was a little uncalled for.

"Oh honey you're just like me, and that's a compliment. We're a rare breed, you and I. We both need it."

"We both need what?"

"You know, _it_. The epiphany, our moment of clarity. The sun shines and the stars align and we just feel it. It can big or small, but you'll know."

"But what will I know?"

"In this instance, you'll know that you can't live without him. That it doesn't matter what happens, you have to at least try."

I look back at Edward and we make eye contact. Without stopping our gaze I ask, "When did you have yours?"

"35 years ago, when I stopped the love of my life from boarding the train to St. Louis. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but it did."

"And it worked?"

She holds her left hand in my view. That platinum ring says it all. I'm about to reply but Edward is finally standing in front of us.

"Because that wasn't embarrassing at all."

"You were wonderful Edward," Charlotte tells him. "I'm going to leave you two kids to yourselves now. Bella, make sure you get my contact information from Edward, we must stay in touch."

"Absolutely." She kisses my cheek and whispers good luck. I tell her thank you.

"She likes you, "Edward says.

"Of course she does, who wouldn't?" Well, besides his father.

"You're right. Are you tired yet, do your feet hurt?"

"No, not yet. I could use some fresh air though."

"Well let's go outside. I did make you a deal."

"Stay here, you don't have to come with me."

"Bella I want to."

"Okay."

We walk through the doors and the cold air gives me the chills. He looks down at me and says, "Here, take my-"

I walk away before he can finish. "I'm not taking your jacket Edward," I call over my shoulder. "You're so predictable.

I walk to the dance floor and past the single couple. I can feel him behind me before I hear him ask softly in my ear, "Predictable, huh?"

"You heard me."

He reaches around my stomach, grabs my hand, and spins me into a dip. He laughs as he pulls me back up.

"You should have seen your face."

"You can't just go flailing a pregnant person around like that!" I look down and notice that my hand grabbed his lapel to keep from falling. I uncurl my fingers and smooth it down, but he places his hand on top of mine.

"Flailing. That's a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

He places his other hand on my waist. "Well maybe a little," I distractedly murmur.

"Dance with me," her softly says.

"I can't dance."

"You have before, and you are now."

I suddenly realize that my other hand has placed itself on his shoulder, and we are in fact swaying slightly to the music.

He looks down with a grin. "Well this is different."

I laugh at the space between us that my stomach occupies, but then my mood turns more serious.

"Are you happy, Edward?" I ask, because I need to know. I need to know that at least one of us has our life figured out.

"I guess so. Are you?"

"I will be." Despite everything, that isn't a lie. I know everything will all work out. It's getting there that's the hard part.

But I never said I was patient. I stare, hard, into Edward's eyes. My eyebrows furrow and my eyes squint. Maybe if I concentrate hard enough I can force _it_ to come.

It doesn't.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He's smiling, but I can tell he thinks I'm crazy.

I panic and smack his forehead, probably a little harder then necessary.

"There was a bug."

He stands back and rubs the spot. "Thanks for that…I guess."

"Your welcome, maybe I just saved you life."

"From a bug?"

"It could have been a bee. What if you're allergic?"

"I've been stung by a bee before."

"But these are Arizona bees, it's completely different."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. You really know how to ruin a moment."

I sigh. "I know. You wanna head back inside?"

"Sure."

We head back inside and see everyone sitting at the table. Rosalie and Emmett look bored and Alice and Jasper are practically falling asleep. Tanya tells Edward that his parents left and that they'll see him in the morning. She doesn't look happy with him, and she won't even look in my direction.

Rosalie smiles at me. "Hey Edward, I think me and Em had a little too much to drink. Can we ride with you so Bella can take the tequila twins home?"

Edward says yes and Tanya looks relieved. I don't remembering seeing Emmett even take one sip of champagne. I wonder what I missed.

Rosalie and I link our arms with Alice while the boys take care of Jasper. When we fall back far enough I ask Rosalie, "What happened?"

"I have no idea. But Tanya obviously didn't like whatever Mommy Dearest had to say."

"But that's weird. It looked like Elizabeth loved Tanya."

"Think about it. Tanya's like the Elizabeth version 2.0, right?"

"Yeah but isn't that a good thing? Wouldn't you want your son to date someone like you?"

"Maybe if I liked myself."

I think about it. She does have a good point.

"When did you become so smart?"

"You got the brains Bella, but I have the common sense."

"What about me?" We look down at a half-lidded Alice.

"The Beauty?"

She nods her head and smiles. We both roll our eyes but we can't help laughing.

"How am I supposed to get these two inside?"

We're standing outside the Plaza entrance now, and Rosalie hands me the valet ticket.

"Just leave them inside with the car keys. I do it with Emmett all the time."

After a few minutes of fumbling and curse words, we finally have Alice and Jasper in the back of the Mercedes and I'm sitting behind the wheel. Edward helps me adjust the seat, then he tells me to drive safe as he shuts the door.

Almost an hour later, thanks to my careful driving, I leave trash bags and water bottles in the back seat with the keys on Jasper's lap. I go upstairs, take off my dress, and get comfortable in bed.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

_Do any of you believe in that A-ha moment? The moment where that light bulb turns on and with the snap of your fingers you tell yourself, "There it is, there's my sign." God, wouldn't every decision, every major life change be easier if we could just know?_

_I don't know if I believe in it, but I do believe that if it was meant to happen it would have by now. _

I put down the pen and pick up my phone.


	21. no regrets

"_Hello?"_

"Hey Renee, it's me."

"_Hi baby, are you okay?"_

"Yeah I'm fine. I just felt like talking to you."

"_Oh, well what about?"_

"Nothing in particular. How's Florida?"

"_The weather here is perfect. That reminds me, Phil has to travel for work in December so I can be with you for Christmas too."_

"Okay, that should be fine."

"_Good, at least now I'll hopefully be there if you're a week early."_

"You really want to be here?"

"_Of course I do, I was just shocked when you told me. You never really mentioned babies before."_

"I know, but I'm excited."

"_And you should be. How's everything else?"_

"It's better. Mom, can I ask you something serious?"

"_Okay…"_

"Do you have any regrets?"

_"What kind of regrets?"_

"You know what I'm talking about Renee."

_"I suppose I do. Hmm, I admit that I've made a lot of mistakes, but in the end I have you and I have Phil, so regrets? No."_

"Oh, okay."

"_Do you want to talk about it?"_

"No, that's really all I wanted to know. Actually, I think I'm going to call Dad now. I should warn him that he has to share his week with you."

"_That will be interesting."_

"It always is."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"_Do you have any idea what time it is?"_

"Well hello to you, too."

"_Bells?"_

"Hi Dad."

"_What's wrong?"_

"Why does everyone keep asking me that? Can't a girl call their dad at…11:30?"

"_I guess so…"_

"Anyway, how are things in Forks?"

"_It's good. Things got a little crazy here when Leah moved back. Man I hate that girl."_

"She came back?"

"_Yeah- Jake didn't tell you?"_

"No, I guess we haven't been talking lately…"

"_Doesn't seem like there's been much progress."_

"Actually Dad, that's kind of why I'm calling you. I know we never do the whole serious conversation thing, and after we hang up we can just pretend this never happened, but I was just wondering…do you have any regrets."

"_Ha, do you want me to count? Can you at last narrow it down a little?"_

"Mom, I'm talking about Mom. Do you regret taking her back?"

"_I can't tell you what to do Bella."_

"I know you can't, but this is something that I've always wondered."

"_Okay, if you're sure then the answer is no. I was pretty torn up after I found out, but I did what I thought was best for you. I can't regret that."_

"Even though she just ended up leaving you anyway?"

"It took a while, but looking back on it now...well, I'm glad that I at least tried."

"Okay, thank you."

"_These things take time Bells, I know you just want to jump right in."_

"You know me so well."

"_That's my job. Is there anything else?"_

"No, I think that's it. Wait! Mom is going to be down here for Christmas, too."

"_Is this a joke?"_

"Very funny."

"_Is she staying in a hotel?"_

"You know I can't ask her to do that."

"_You're killing me here, kid."_

"I love you, Dad."

"_Yeah yeah, I love you too."_

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"_Yeah?"_

"Hey."

"_Hey there, what are you doing up this late?"_

"Oh you know, just having trouble sleeping."

"_If I come over I can help you with that."_

"You think so?"

"_Yeah."_

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"_You know I'm joking. Now why don't you tell me the real reason why you're calling."_

"I…I wanted to say that I realized tonight how much I miss you. I don't like the way things have been between us lately."

"_I know, me too. I'm sorry I've been so distant this week, I've just been…busy."_

"Yeah, I figured."

"_Next week, pick the time and place and we'll go there, just you and me. It will be like old times. What do you think?"_

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

"Okay, I think I'd like that. Goodnight Jake."

* * *

**Would you believe me if I said the big moment is almost here?**


	22. don't think

-34 Weeks-

"So you didn't like this house because…."

"It just didn't feel right."

"Alright then."

It wasn't just that house, I didn't like any of the past 6 houses we looked at today for that same reason. On paper, all the houses Esme found should've been perfect for me. They had the hardwood floors, the bright windows, the big backyards, but none of them gave me that "home" feeling. The same feeling I got when I saw mine and Jake's house for the first time.

I miss _my_ home.

"And you don't want to look at condos?"

"No, I need a backyard. That's the main priority." At the very least I can give my kid a backyard.

Esme sighs. I'm sure she's feeling just as defeated as I am. "These are all the houses for sale in Tempe that I could fine in your price range, but…"

"But what?"

"I did see a house listed earlier this morning that I think you would love."

"So… why aren't we looking at it?" Either Esme's not as smart as I thought she was or there's something she isn't telling me.

"Well, why don't we see it first and then we'll talk about it."

"Okay, I trust you."

We get back in her Buick and drive down the 101. We make small talk about my pregnancy and her and Carlisle's plans for their 30th anniversary, but other then that the drive is quiet. It must be a mom thing- knowing when your children need some time to think. I wonder if I'll be like Esme, the strict but understanding parent, or god forbid like Renee, the kind of mom that worried more about being best friends than curfews. Or maybe even like Elizabeth, the mom who clearly loves her child but couldn't deal with the rest of life.

"Were you and Elizabeth good friends?" I ask.

Esme turns on the blinker to switch lanes and takes a minute to answer. "In a way. We were amiable because of Ed and Carlisle's friendship, but other than that we didn't talk much."

Instead of asking why such a nice man like Carlisle is friends with that awful person I ask, "What was Edward like when he was a kid?"

She laughs. "He was such a broody little thing."

This makes me smile. "Really?"

"Oh yes. I remember the first time I saw him, it was at one of Elizabeth's famous cocktail parties. He was quietly sitting on a sofa between his parents like a miniature grown up, drinking what I hope was juice out of a scotch glass."

I think about Edward's polite and subdued manner with his parents at the ball. I can picture a younger Edward acting the same way all too well.

"I don't exactly know the ins and outs of upper society, but is that normal?"

"From what I could tell, no. Usually the nannies or even the maids would keep the children occupied. Carlisle always got a big kick out of how serious Edward was, but I just felt sorry for him."

Nannies and maids, I can't even imagine.

"Of course that all changed once Alice got a hold of him," she continues with a chuckle, "She actually had to explain to the poor boy what a mud pie was."

I laugh along with her and mentally store this new information in my Edward file. The more I learn about Edward's past the more I can't believe that my Edward is the same person. Esme must be thinking the same thing because she muses, "It seems like leaving Chicago was best for him."

And for me, I think to myself.

"Well her we are," Esme announces as she turns left into a small suburban neighborhood. "It's a quiet neighborhood, but in a perfect location. It's farther from Alice and Jasper's house than you're used to, but it is closer to downtown."

"Closer to downtown, that's good." We don't need to point out what, or who, is located in downtown.

"This is cute," I say when pull into the driveway of a small white house.

"It's on the small side, roughly around 1200 square feet, but the bedrooms are a good size."

"The outside is nice, I like the palm trees."

"I'm surprised. You wouldn't be one of those obnoxious people that wrap Christmas lights all the way to the top, would you?"

"Of course I would."

She laughs. "I should have known. Let's see if you like the rest of it."

We walk inside and Esme takes me through the living room, dining room, and kitchen. She points out the new stainless steel appliances, the decent travertine tile (_much easier for toddler clean ups_), and new double paned bay windows. We walk out the sliding glass door and see the backyard, which is just a big square of dirt and stray weeds. Not exactly what I had in mind, but expected in Phoenix.

Back inside to the bedrooms. The plain master bedroom, its ensuite bath with a porcelain claw foot tub (_have I thought of having a water birth_?), a smaller bedroom that can easily fit a crib and changing table, and an even smaller den with built in book shelves.

"What do you think?"

"I think it's…charming." The house is plain and nondescript, but that's what I like about it- a fresh palette, a new plate. There are some things I like, some things I don't, but overall I can see myself chasing a little two year old through it. It still doesn't exactly feel right, but it feels good.

"Yeah, I like it."

"I knew you would."

So spit it out, what's the catch."

"Let's talk it over in the kitchen."

We go into the kitchen and sit on the counter barstools. She pulls out a white envelope from her handbag and says, "Here are the leasing agreements."

"Leasing agreements? If I do this then I want to buy."

"Just think about it."

"No, I don't need to." My voice comes out too harsh, but why can't anyone see that I don't want to think anymore? I still have a week left to make my decision, and if it's enough for me then it should be enough for them. "You think I should do this?"

"Honestly, yes. As your realtor I know that the interest rates will be through the roof with your none existent credit and small down payment. As your friend and parental figure, well…I can't help but think that you're rushing."

"You think I'm rushing. I only have six weeks left, shouldn't I be?"

"Yes and no. I can see why you feel the need to rush, but it just isn't enough time to decide on buying a house, or decide on dissolving a marriage." She holds her hand up when I start to interrupt her, "Yes, you've known about the affair for months, but we both know you procrastinate."

Yes, I do know that. I reluctantly pick up the leasing forms.

"Here's why I showed you this house. The owners just bought a second home in Denver, and they aren't sure if they want to sell this one. They would like to do a month-to-month lease, which means that you can change you're mind whenever you want. Also, since the home is already paid for they are kind enough to rent for a smaller price, so you can take the time to earn some credits points and save for a bigger down payment. I really think this would be the best decision."

Of course she's right, and of course I don't want to admit it. I knew that buying a house was rash, but I'm tired of living in this limbo. I feel like if I just rent a house, then I'll have all the time in the world to put this Jacob decision off. That wouldn't be fair to either us, or the baby.

I make myself a compromise. If I choose to end my marriage, then spending 200k on a house as a single mother is the last thing I should do. But my choice will still by made by the end of this week. I chose to get married on a whim, so even taking more than an hour to think on this is pretty fucking responsible.

"Okay you're right, I'm sorry for snapping at you. If I do decide to end things with Jacob, then I would love to move into this house."

"_If _you decide that, then I think this house would be a very smart choice."

"Wait, why did you say _if_ like that? Are you trying to tell me something? Do you think that the 'if' is pointless, should I stay with Jacob?"

She shakes her head and laughs at me. "Oh Bella, I didn't mean anything by it. And don't give me that look, I'm not going to tell you what to do."

I sag against the counter and sigh. "Damn."

"Language please."

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I wake up the next morning with dark circles beneath my eyes and a pounding headache. I made the mistake of calling Jacob before I went to bed, pretending to forget what time he was picking me up for our pseudo date tonight. I guess that after all the house shopping I just wanted to hear the comfort of his voice. Then I started wondering what that meant and before I knew it I couldn't get my mind off my big decision. Trying to sleep was just a waste of time. I tossed and turned and tried to count sheep, but it kept repeating like a broken record.

Jacob

Jacob

Jacob

Even now, six hours later it's still there. What should I do? Should I give him another chance? Would that make me weak? Would it make me a better parent? Would I even be able to take care of a baby by myself? What if I lose my job?

I throw my pillow over my face and yell in frustration. This isn't working; I'm too tired to think. I need to get my mind off of it. Get up and do something. It's not procrastinating, it's avoiding insanity.

One week

One week

One week

That's what I'll do, I'll pack. Because no matter where I go I will definitely be going somewhere. This is good, this is doing things ahead of schedule. I get out of bed and put on my Nikes under my flannel pajama pants. I don't waste time brushing my teeth, that will only give me another two minutes to think. I walk downstairs and into the garage. I push dusty gym equipment and a rusty space heater out of the way so I can reach the stack of empty boxes piled against the corner. I grab as many as I can fit in my arms and trek back upstairs. More boxes, down the stairs then up the stairs. Wait, I need scissors and packing tape. Down and up.

I put the boxes together and line them along a wall in my room. Then I debate if I should do this fast or slow. Slow will give me time to think, but if I finish everything too fast then I'll really be fucked. I choose both.

Clothes are too easy, too simple. I don't fold I just throw. Same with my books and dvds. The junk drawer in the desk can be slow, I need to decide on what I should keep and what I can throw away.

I want to keep everything. From the ultrasound copies to the Macy's receipt, they're all memories of living here. A ticket stub to the Blondie concert in Tucson, when I forced Edward to sing "Call Me" with all the middle aged women. A little uncooked kidney bean with a smiley face drawn on it that Jasper gave me while we made chili one night.

I'm not dying and I'm not moving across the world, but I still don't want to go. I have to go. Where am I going? Stop thinking, more packing.

I don't know how many hours it takes, I'm on autopilot. I do know that there are seven full boxes, and a duffel bag full with a week's worth of clothes and my journal. I also know that I probably have more stuff downstairs, but my mouth is dry and my stomach is rumbling. I need water and food, and then I can pack some more.

Back down the stairs, but this time I stop in the middle. My eyesight turns fuzzy and a sharp pain stabs my temple. I feel faint. Think. Now I need to think. This can happen, it's common. Sit down and put my head between my legs. Take deep breaths.

_inhale  
_

_exhale_

My stomach growls again. I should always be eating. Why didn't I eat?

_inhale_

_exhale_

I won't feel better unless I get something to eat and drink. The kitchen is just a room away. I stand up slow and grip the staircase railing, aware of how dangerous this is. I walk down a couple steps, wipe my sweaty palm on my pant leg, and continue down.

The room is starting to spin. I just need to make it to the refrigerator.

I do.

Think Bella, think. I need calories and I need sugar. Do we have orange juice?

We do.

I take slow, small sips. I feel a little bit better, but just in case I walk across the kitchen and pick up the cordless phone. I need to be safe. I dial one of the few numbers I have memorized, and then I wait.

The last thing I remember is hearing Edward's voice.

* * *

**Put down the pitchforks, take a deep breath, and trust me when I say that this is a needed catalyst.  
Because I love you the next chapter will be up either tonight or tomorrow morning. **


	23. shitty timing

**Well, here is. He's a little vulgar and pretty damn moody but hopefully you'll be okay with that.  


* * *

**

-Edward-

I've been lying to Bella Swan since the day I met her.

I heard her before I even saw her. The soft sniffles coming from behind a bookcase in Barnes and Noble, of all places. I almost walked away, figuring it wasn't my mess to take care of, but something about her just pulled me back.

There she was, with her low cut shirt and blotchy face, reading what looked like the Kama Sutra. It was kind of funny, a little strange, and fucking heartbreaking. Pure Bella.

After making some inappropriate joke I finally got her to notice me. She looked up with her big brown eyes and sexy lip bite and I knew I was done for. "Why don't you tell me all about it," I told her, playing the sensitive guy to her emotional vulnerability.

That was the first lie. At the time I really didn't give a shit, I just thought she would be an easy lay.

But then I got her to open up, and the more she did the more I started to care. I wasn't surprised when she blurted out that her husband cheated on her, but I was pretty disappointed that I would actually have to work for this one. I've seen what infidelity could do to a woman's psyche, I would have to tread lightly.

But then she had to ruin everything when that pretty mouth of hers opened up and said she was pregnant. I practically whimpered. I don't even know what response I had to that, but I do remember looking out the window, trying to come up with an excuse to walk away from this complicated girl without looking like a total ass.

She didn't even realize that I could still see her reflection in the window, another one of her charming qualities. She was giving me the once over from head to toe, and I was this close to saying fuck it until I noticed that she wasn't looking at me the way most women do. She looked like she was completely fascinated, and I had to admit that I felt the same way about her.

I told her that I was sorry about her pathetic excuse of a husband, and I really was. She practically brushed me off and changed the subject to me because that's what she does. She's strong and she's stubborn and she doesn't need anybody to feel sorry for her.

We just sat there, talking and joking and almost flirting, and when that genius Queen ringtone told her she had to leave I almost begged her to stay with me.

I continued the gentleman façade by walking her out, even though at this point it wasn't really an act anymore. I knew it was for the best that she had to go, she shouldn't have had anything to do with me, but when I heard that hellish sound coming from her ridiculous truck I decided to leave it to fate. If she doesn't stop me from walking away then I'll just leave this as a funny little memory I think about from time to time. If she does, then I guess there's a reason we met.

I still can't believe that she did.

I drove her to her friend's house and saw her mammoth husband, thinking that I could still take him down. I had to tell myself to rein it in. I moved to Phoenix to avoid shit like this, not complicate my life any further.

Obviously the only rational decision was to practically force her to spend the night with me. In a purely "I can't take advantage of a pregnant chick" way, of course.

It was like word vomit, the way she stripped me down to the bones in that one night. I was telling her the truth when I told her I was sick of all the fake bullshit that came with my career. I can handle the fake faces, it's the phony personalities that I can't stand.

But my second lie was when I told her that I needed a friend like her. No, this sweet and feisty girl is the exact thing I've been running from my whole life.

So, the third lie came when I said I was ready to settle down. I was just too embarrassed to admit that while she was getting married and making babies and acting like a real adult, I was still living life like a college kid.

It was pathetic, but I just didn't realize then that I did want to settle down, but only if it was with her.

I blame her for the fourth lie. It was her fault for sharing those sweet smiles and childhood anecdotes that I could actually relate to, and then disappearing the next morning like a figment of my imagination. No, she was real and I had to find her.

I told her that I magically found Alice's address that Esme gave me. In all actuality, I threw away that scrap of paper the minute my mother put it in my hands, doubting that the Cullen's would even remember me.

I knew it was a long shot, and I'll admit that I was basically turning into a pathetic stalker, but I had to take the chance. I called my parents, listened to my father gripe at me about what a mistake I was making out of my life, per usual, and then finally got the address from my mom.

I can't even describe how relieved I was to pull in front of that same house. Then I saw her, in those awful clothes that would make me cringe if they were put on any other women, but because she's Bella she managed to make my heart squeeze and my dick twitch at the same time.

We stood there, talking and joking and almost flirting, like nothing even happened. She reconnected me with all the Cullen's and their plus ones and she single handedly gave me a place that I could call home. This was it, this was where I belonged, and it was all because of her.

The weeks flew by and we became closer. I became resigned to the fact that I must have been a sick bastard because that initial lust never faded away. But it was more than that, she was quickly becoming my best friend and I didn't want to stop it.

It wasn't until the ultrasound that I could finally admit to myself that I wanted her more than as just a friend. When I saw her look up at that screen with her tender face I knew that she was it for me. I only told her that it freaked me out because that's the reaction that any normal red-blooded single male would have. Apparently I'm not normal, because I was amazed and I was excited and I was unbelievably jealous that it wasn't mine. But there was still that little voice in the back of my head convincing me to be grateful that it wasn't mine, because I don't know jack about being a decent parent and they both deserved better than that.

Since then, every time I called her my friend or treated her like a friend it was just a lie. She's my everything, even though I was too afraid to do anything about it.

The day we all had a man outing at the driving range was the day that changed everything. We weren't there to play golf, it was my motherfucking intervention. They told me what a spineless asshole I was for dicking around with Bella's feelings, even though I swore I had no clue. Even Carlisle had some choice words with me, which was pretty disconcerting to say the least. So I told them the truth and let it all out. I want her, I need her, and god I can't live without her, but I just wasn't ready for commitment and I sure as fuck doubted my parenting abilities.

As expected, Emmett could see where I was coming from, since he was just getting over his commitment issues with Rosalie. Jasper, in all his infinite wisdom, asked what made me so sure that it would even get that far. The answer was simple, really. If Bella even felt one tenth for me what I felt for her, like they insisted she did, then we would have to make it, there just wasn't any other option. And no matter how involved Jacob would be, I would still be responsible for that little person growing inside her stomach, which was understandably frightening.

But Carlisle was the only one that saw through me. Four words that shattered my last defense. "You're not your father."

And he was right, because I actually have that pumping organ in my body called a heart. Bella reminds me of that every time she walks into the same room.

I didn't have a plan, I just knew that I needed to tell her everything as soon as possible, before I had the chance to back out. On the way back to the house I was vaguely listening to Emmett prattle on about some sort of scheme to make her jealous but I didn't care, I wouldn't need it. I just needed him to drive faster.

I learned my lesson. You should never ignore Emmett, because when he suggested that I should give it a go with my receptionist I just about had an aneurism. I told him I wasn't interested, loud enough for her to hear, but I was still expecting her to accuse me of being just as vile as Jacob. But she didn't, she narrowed her eyes and ignored me and I could've kissed Emmett because jealous women are my specialty, and Bella was as green as the cucumber she was shredding to pieces.

And like the ass that I am I decided to play with her. I used my most successful heated stare, the one that practically forces women into submission. When that didn't work I moved closer to her, ate the slice from her finger as crude as possible and tried to convey with my gaze that all she had to do was admit it, admit that she felt it too. I wasn't exactly expecting her to jump me in the kitchen but I was most definitely not expecting her to pull away. But because she's Bella she always has the upper hand, whether she knows it or not.

And what a hand it was, that blow of a royal flush when she told me she was going to dinner with that bastard.

How could she not see? How could she not see that she was killing me?

It wasn't much, but I threw down my pathetic pair of twos in the form of my small dignity out of spite. I called Tanya, begrudgingly asked her out, and she said yes.

She walked out of her house with longs legs and a tight dress that any normal red-blooded man would salivate over but I'm not normal and she's not Bella. I took her to the first decent restaurant I saw, opened the door for her, pulled out her chair for her, and even ordered their most expensive bottle of wine because even though I was breaking I still had my manners.

She was polite, nice, and even managed to make me smile. But more than that, I was able to ignore that ache in my chest and push aside those feelings that Bella gives me and just _breathe_.

But then I saw them. On my way to the men's room I saw them laughing at the other side of the restaurant and I didn't want to breathe, I wanted to pound his face in and take her away with me.

I took Tanya back to the house, thinking that maybe if she saw me with someone else then I could force her to see it.

She didn't.

Bella smiled at her and made small talk and acted like they were long lost friends. I knew everyone was wrong, that she didn't feel the same way, because I could never watch another man put his hands on her the way Tanya rested her tanned palm on my knee.

So for once I acted the same way any normal red-blooded male would act. I spit out accusations and hurtful words and made lewd comments because damn it I'm a man, and if I couldn't have her then I could at least keep my pride.

I've never regretted anything more, but because she's Bella she believed my lies and forgave me in a heartbeat.

After that, it was all a series of shitty timing.

I kept Tanya around, even though I shouldn't have. We both agreed it was nothing serious, she just wanted company on a Friday night and I just needed a break from everything else. She thought I meant a break from work, but of course it was a break from Bella. It's always Bella.

But even though things we're normal again I still couldn't get myself to give up. I would be so close, so close to touching her or telling her or kissing her, but something always got in the way. Something that would make me snap out of it and remember that I couldn't handle being turned down again, and this friendship was too important to lose.

It was always the hardest when she spent the night, and even more excruciating when she asked me to touch her skin. I didn't mean to go that far, the night I gave her that backrub, but my idle hands knew what my mind and body wanted and they moved on their own accord. She didn't stop me, and the higher she let me go the more I had to move my lower body and evidence of excitement further away from her. Still, she didn't stop me, and I thought that this was it. I have to tell her everything because she must be feeling _something_.

She fell asleep. It was the most erotic and intense moment of my life and she fell asleep.

I just watched her, confused and hurt and completely floored. But because she's Bella she sighed my name in her sleep and put her little hand on her moving belly and she made me fall in love with her even more.

There was no way, no way that my heart had any room left for her, but the night of the charity event proved me wrong.

She walked down the stairs with her soft hair and silky dress and I've never seen anything more beautiful, and when Tanya made that comment about her meeting some doctor I almost threw up because she could be right and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

But she didn't, because she's Bella and she was able to see through that disgusting upper society nonsense within five minutes. And when my pathetic excuse for a father used her as his personal punching bag, because the money and the girls were never enough to keep him satisfied and he needed to vent, she just stood up to him with her head held high, something that no one's ever done. But he had to have to last word and because she's Bella her sensitive soul can't handle anyone being upset with her. I didn't want to leave her side. I wanted to take her home and kiss her tears and tell her that everything would be okay, but I had to take care of Tanya.

Tanya, who knew I appreciated her companionship and never asked for anything more, until that night.

"I don't get it Edward," she told me in the car, on the way back to her place.

"You don't get what?"

"I don't get why we're still playing this game."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I had a feeling, but I was praying that she wouldn't go there.

"You know what I'm talking about. You tell me that you're not ready for anything serious, and yet you take me to this ball with you and introduce me to your parents…it feels pretty serious to me."

"I thought we had an understanding, Tanya." Please, don't ask me to give you more. I don't have anything else to give.

"You're right we did, but that was months ago. It's only natural that we progress into something more…unless there's another reason why you're waiting."

"And what reason would that be?" I made the mistake of looking over at her. I could see the pity in her eyes.

"She'll go back to him, you know."

"Who?" Don't say it.

"You know who. I'm actually surprised she lasted this long. She may be hurt and angry, but there's a reason she hasn't divorced him yet. She's pregnant with his child, of course she'll go back to him. They all do."

"She's stronger than that." She's Bella.

"So you admit it?"

I should've told her yes, but if she ended up being right I couldn't take that risk of being alone.

"No. Bella's just a friend." Lie.

"Alright I'll believe you, but I'm done being just a friend."

"I can't promise you anything."

"Can you at least promise that you'll try?"

I had to. She was there to put up with my brooding bullshit and kept me from going absolutely crazy. I felt like I owed it to her.

"Yeah, I'll try."

"Good. Would you like to come inside?"

I can admit that I briefly considered it. It would have been easy, being able to let go and lose myself inside her, being able to relieve some of this tension and heartache. But there was only one person I would be thinking about, and Tanya deserved better. So did I.

"Not this time, Tanya."

I went home that night, wishing I could regret ever leaving Chicago.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

"This paella is really good."

"Hmm." Another bland meal, another bland restaurant, another bland conversation.

"So, I was thinking that maybe you'd like to come with me when I visit my parents in Anchorage for Christmas."

"You know I can't do that Tanya."

"I don't see why not. I met your parents, isn't it time that you met mine?"

"It's not that. I'm not going anywhere so close to Bella's due date."

"Ah, I see." Please change the subject. "Do you want to go out for a couple drinks after dessert?" Good Girl.

"Sure that sounds great." Off to another bland bar.

She takes a sip of her vodka martini and tells me, "I really like this song," referring to the bland 80's hit playing throughout the bar.

"Yeah, it's great." But it's not Queen, and she's not Bella.

"Are you going to answer that?"

"What?"

"Your phone, it's ringing."

I put down the bland scotch and fish out my phone. Finally, finally it's Bella, but as my thumb hovers over the answer button I see Tanya look at me with sad blue eyes. I made her a promise, and even though it kills me I let it go to voicemail, hoping that Bella will leave a message that I can play on repeat as I lay in bed tonight.

Tanya doesn't say anything but her facial expression is telling me "thank you," and it feels good to be appreciated.

More bland drinks, more bland conversation.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'll take you home."

I pull into her driveway and put the car in park. I can tell what she's going to say before she even asks, "How about this time?"

And I'm tired. I'm tired of resisting one woman and tired of pushing another away. I'll have to do this eventually, so why not tonight?

As I open the car door I hear my phone ring, but this time when I look at the screen it's not Bella, it's Jasper.

"Hello?"

"_Hey man, it's Jazz. Where are you?"_

"I'm at Tanya's."

"_Seriously? Whatever, if you're not too busy then I think you should come to the hospital."_

"Bella? Shit, what happened?"

"_We don't know. Jacob just called Alice, he's in the ER with her. We're on our way right now."_

"Okay, I'll be there in fifteen."

I drop the phone and fist my hair. "Fuck!" I yell, causing Tanya to jump.

"Edward? What's wrong?"

Exactly, what the fuck is wrong with me? What am I doing? I should be with her right now, she needs me. Not Jacob, she called _me_. I can't live this way, I can't do this anymore.

"I can't do this anymore."

"What do you mean? Edward, you're starting to worry me."

"_This_ Tanya," I frantically point between us. "I can't be with you. I'm so fucking sorry, but I love her. I love her and I didn't answer."

"Is it Bella?"

I scrub my hands over my face and nod. "I'm sorry," I repeat, and I'm saying it for both of them.

"It's okay, I expected it," she tells me. She opens the door and gets out of the car. "Just go, and call me to let me know everything's okay."

I wish I had time, time to tell her that she'll make someone very happy one day and all the other cliché sentiments you tell someone when you hurt them, but I don't have the time and I need to get to Bella.

She shuts the car door and I peel out of the driveway.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Everyone's sitting in the waiting room when I arrive. There are no tears and no blank faces, a good sign.

"Is she okay?"

Carlisle motions for me to sit. "She had a second degree concussion, but she's awake now. They checked her vitals and did an ultrasound and it looks like the baby is fine."

I put my head down and exhale. "Good, that's good. Can I see her?"

"Jacob's in there right now, but maybe in a little bit," he tells me sympathetically.

Alice sits next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. "You okay?'

"She called me Alice. If something happened to her or the baby…I don't know what I would do."

"Hey, it's not your fault. They're alright."

"I'm going to tell her, I have to."

"I should be telling you that you should wait a little longer, but I have a bad feeling. The sooner the better."

"Yeah? Okay."

I hear footsteps and I see Jacob walk into the room. He doesn't even look worried. I can't exactly put a name to the expression he's wearing but I know I want to rip it off his face.

"I told her she should get some rest, but you know Bella. You can go in whenever you want."

I'm walking out of the room before he can even finish.

"She's in room 203," he yells, and I choose to ignore him when he tags on "asshole."

I walk into the room and I see her, with a bandage above her left eyebrow and an intravenous needle sticking out of her perfect skin. Her eyes are closed so I step lightly over to the bedside chair. I take her hand in mine and she softly smiles.

"Edward."

"How'd you know?"

She opens those mahogany eyes of hers and shrugs. "I just know."

I don't need her to clarify. It's the same way for me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I've been better."

"I bet. What happened?"

"They said it was a combination of mild dehydration and low blood press- hey, what are you looking for?"

I walk away from the foot of the bed and look on the outside of the door.

"I'm looking for you chart, where is it?"

"Will you just sit back down? The doctor took it with him, and even if he didn't there's no way I would let you look at it."

I reluctantly sit back down.

"Are you forgetting that I'm a doctor?"

"Are you forgetting that you're just a plastic surgeon? It's not like there's any information on past vaginal reconstructions in there."

Even while hooked to an IV machine she won't miss an opportunity to emasculate me. Fuck, I love her.

"Fine. Would you like to explain the head wound?"

She smiles sheepishly. "Well, that's where the concussion comes in. When I fainted I kind of hit my head on the kitchen counter."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, aware of how ridiculous she thinks it looks. "Bella, what were you thinking? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?"

"I wasn't thinking, that's the problem. I know how irresponsible I was being and I'm so lucky that my baby is okay, but I already had a lecture from Jacob and I don't need another one."

"Okay okay, you're right. You just have to know how scared I was." I can't live without you.

"I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm fine. We're both fine."

"I'm sorry I didn't answer my phone." God, I can't tell you how sorry I am.

"It's alright. I'm just glad that Jacob was there to find me."

I didn't know it was possible to be so grateful of a person that I despise so much. "Me too, you'll have to tell him thank you for me."

"I'll make sure to do that, later tonight. I'm getting discharged once all the tests run through."

"Are you sure that's such a good idea? You should go home and rest."

"I will be home."

Of course I understand what she's trying to tell me, I always do.

"No Bella, don't-"

"Please Edward, just stop talking. I already made up my mind."

"No, listen to me."

"I'm done listening to everybody. I have to try to make it work. My baby deserves it, and Jacob has proven so many times that he deserves it. I just…I can't do this on my own, and I don't need to."

"You're not alone. You have me. " Please, understand what I'm telling you.

"No, Tanya has you- wait, that's not the point. The point is that I still love him."

I had no clue, no clue that it could hurt this bad. "No. No you don't. You're not _in _love with him."

"Edward, I've loved him since I was sixteen. I was naïve to think that my feelings would just disappear because I was angry. It doesn't work like that."

"So that's it, you're just going to forget what he did to you?" What I would never do to you?

"No I can't, and I really don't know what will happen but can't you understand that I have to try? Please, you're my best friend. I need you to support me and be here for me."

She's crying now and it's killing me. It's killing me because I'm too late, and because she's Bella I'll always give her anything she asks.

"Tell me. Tell me that this is truly what you want and what will make you happy."

"It…it is. It's what I want."

I lean down to kiss the spot beneath her bandage because I have to touch her one last time. This is the closest I'll ever allow myself to get to her again.

"Of course I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere." Even though I wish I had the strength to.

"Thank you."

We hear a throat clear from behind and I look around to see Jacob, leaning against the doorway. That's what the expression is, he's a smug bastard. I need to get out of here before I kill him.

"I'm just going to get some fresh air."

I don't wait to hear her response, I push past him and everyone else and I don't stop until I'm outside.

I lean against the brick walk and place my hands on my knees. I rest my head down and I just focus on breathing. I don't know how long I stay out there, trying to figure out how the hell I'll move past this pain, but I eventually see the shadow of someone walking towards me.

"Well, I wasn't expecting that one."

"You and me both, Emmett." I stand up straight and shake my head. "But she made her choice."

He hands me one of the cups of coffee he's holding and leans against the wall with me.

"So that's it, you're just going to give up?" he asks.

And I think about it. I really think about what giving up would mean, and if I can handle watching her be with Jacob while feeling like I didn't try hard enough.

No, I can't give up, because she's Bella. She's shy glances and loud laughter and classic rock and the only thing that's ever been good in my life. If I don't have her then I don't have anything, and that's just not fucking acceptable.

"No, I'm not."

He claps me on the back and taps his coffee cup with mine. "Now that's the answer I've been waiting for."

* * *

**Yeah yeah you hate me, go ahead and let me have it, but I would much rather hear what you have to say about our dear Edward. **


	24. our goodbye

-Week 35-

"Do you think this is a sign?"

I wipe off the fog with my sweater sleeve and peer out the window.

"No Alice, I don't think it's a sign. You know just as well as I do that we always get some rain in the fall."

"So you think it's just some coincidence that it started raining the day you're moving out?"

"Alice, that's enough."

I mouth "thank you" to Rosalie and she sadly smiles in return. It's the same look that I've gotten from everyone over the last few days, starting with Edward.

Alice opens her mouth to say more but she promptly shuts it. We watch Emmett and Jasper load the boxes into my car and she eventually says, "I'm sorry Bella, I don't want to fight on your last day."

"You guys really need to stop talking like that. I'm going to be like fifteen minutes away."

"But…" Her eyes start to water and I brace myself.

"But what?"

"But it's like…the end of an era!"

I bust out laughing and Rosalie rolls her eyes. I grab Alice into a hug and squeeze the hell out of her.

"You need to calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down. Who's going to eat Ben & Jerry's with me when I'm on my period and I feel like pigging out, huh? And who's going to be on my side when Jasper tries to leave the house in those stupidly tight Wranglers?"

I can't help but laugh. Those jeans really are stupid."You'll still have me, Crazy."

"It won't be the same."

In spite of myself my eyes do start tearing up, because even though it doesn't make any sense I feel like she's right.

"My god, you two really need to pull yourselves together."

Without saying a word we open our arms up to Rosalie and she snuggles right in.

"This is completely ridiculous."

"You know you like it," I tell her. She scoffs but I see that smile.

"Hey, do you guys remember the last time we did this?" Alice asks.

"Of course, it was when Emmett broke up with Rosalie for flirting with Royce King."

"I so was not flirting."

"Please, we all saw you rubbing your hands all over his Phi Beta Kappa jacket."

"Well remember when you had that wet dream about Professor Banner."

I scowl and feel my face flame up. "It wasn't a _wet_ dream, you perv."

"Remember when you all got drunk and did a three-way kiss at that one kegger?"

We look over each other's shoulders and see Emmett and Jasper watching us.

"No," we confusedly tell Emmett.

"Maybe if you do it again it will refresh your memory."

"You're a pig."

"But I'm you're pig, Rosie. Seriously, what the hell are you girls doing?"

"What the frick does it look like we're doing, we're bonding. Would you like to join?"

Emmett turns to Jasper and they both shrug their shoulders. We open up our arms and our little circle grows to five.

"You know, this is kind of nice," Jasper says with a bewildered expression.

We all nod our heads and smile. "But there's somebody that's missing," Alice points out.

I've been putting off this question since this morning. "So…where is he?"

I haven't talked to Edward since I left the hospital, and its hurts that I have to ask someone else this basic question. I don't know what it was, and I don't exactly understand why, but I can tell that something changed between us that day. I get that he doesn't think I should be with Jake, but no one else seems to either and yet they're still here for me.

"Oh, he had to take care of something," Emmett tells me without looking at my face.

Instead of letting it get to me I push it aside and say, "Okay. I guess I'm ready to take off."

We do a final big squeeze and I take Alice and Jasper aside. I tell them how thankful I am that they let me stay here, and even though we'll see each other practically every day I'll still miss them. They tell me I'm always welcome, but I know they're ready to have some alone time.

Emmett and Rosalie walk me to my car and help me load my duffel bag. Emmett opens my door for me and after I get situated behind the wheel he says, "I don't understand why you're doing this, but you know we'll be there for you."

I simply nod and shut the door, because I know that he doesn't understand. None of them do.

They don't understand what it's like to wake up in a hospital, with blood dripping down their face and all consuming fear for their baby. They don't get how grateful I am that I didn't have to go through that on my own, that I had _my husband_ holding my hand the entire time. Even though I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, and even though I don't know if we can repair our marriage, I have to try.

I owe it to my baby, and now I owe it to Jacob.

I put my car in drive, and I make my way home.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

I put my neglected key into the lock and open the door. Jacob is on the other side waiting for me. We stay standing in the foyer, and I think of a way to break this uncomfortable moment. Luckily Jacob does it for me. "I feel like I should give you a tour," he jokes.

I laugh awkwardly and play with the bracelet on my wrist, my recent nervous habit. Jacob looks at it curiously so I put my hand in my pocket, not ready to take it off but not ready to explain it.

"So…" he trails off.

"So," I repeat, because I don't really have anything to say. I've been so focused on the act of moving back here itself, and not what would happen afterward.

"Why don't we just pretend I never really left, like I just got back from a trip?" It's not the most responsible idea, but it's the only suggestion I have.

"Yeah?" He looks relieved.

"Yeah."

"Okay. Uh…how was Florida?"

I laugh, and this time it's genuine. "Really? I got to take a hypothetical vacation and you made me go to Florida?"

"Fine then, how about Canada? Paris?"

"Yeah, Paris sounds nice."

"I can take you to Paris."

The tender statement makes me feel a little queasy, but it isn't exactly unpleasant. This is good, I tell myself, talking is good.

"One step at a time, Sparky. Why don't you help me unload those boxes."

"No, I'll take the stuff inside while you sit down. You're supposed to take it easy this week."

I reluctantly agree and go sit on our leather sofa. I look around the room, getting that same feeling I had the last time I was here. The feeling like something isn't quite right, but I can't put my finger on it.

After Jacob finishes he hesitantly sits down next to me. I wonder how long it will take for us to be comfortable with each other.

"Are you sure you didn't change anything?"

"I'm sure. Why do you ask?"

"It just feels weird…like something is off."

"This whole thing feels off." He immediately tries to take it back but I stop him, because it's true.

"It will take time," I tell him, and he agrees. "So, it's five o'clock and I just got home. What's the next step?"

He smiles. "Well, I think this is where you cook me dinner."

"Oh yeah, I remember. And you're supposed to follow me in there and ask sweet questions like how my day went, but you really just want to sneak food."

"Exactly. You think we can do it?" I know what he's really trying to ask.

"I think we can try."

We fall into our old routine easily enough. I make a quick dinner, we eat at the dining table while listening to the soft rock station, and when we're done I put the food away as Jacob does the dishes. We're both tense and awkward, and I don't know why I was expecting anything else.

I put the last tupperware container in the fridge and watch him dry his hands on a paper towel.

"Now?" I ask, because doing this in steps makes it easier.

"Now we sit out on the patio and drink beers, but…"

"But I can't drink beer and it's raining." Shit.

"We can watch tv?"

It's only 8:00, but so far this has been pretty okay and I don't want to risk it. "I'm kind of tired. I think I'll just go to bed."

Instead of telling me goodnight he says, "Me too," and makes a move to follow me. I put my hand on his chest to stop him.

"What are you doing?"

"Going to bed?"

"Jake…" He should know better.

"Really Bella?"

I take a deep breath to abate my anger. A fight is the last thing we need right now. "I told you that I wanted to take this slow."

He looks like he want to argue, but instead he walks to the linen closet and pulls out a blanket.

I ignore the way he dramatically plops on the couch and say, "Thank you."

"No problem. One step at a time, right?"

"Right."

I walk down the hall and into our room. I ignore the mental image of Jacob and Leah and climb into bed.

I almost call Edward at least a dozen times, and then I fall asleep.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

That's pretty much how the rest of the week went.

It used to be easy, the way we used to be together, so simple that it was effortless. But no matter what we do, and no matter how many days pass, it only feels _wrong_. Even though he won't admit it, I know Jacob feels the same way.

We really are trying. Jacob took the week off work so we can spend some time together. At first we went to the same restaurants as before and had movie nights just like we used to, but we soon realized that it wasn't working. We decided that maybe we were going about this all wrong, that we needed to start fresh. Instead of pizza we ate Indian food, and instead of going to the movie theater we went to the museum. Still, the result is the same. That deep feeling in the bottom of your gut that's saying this isn't where you're supposed to be.

And then there's the fighting.

It started out small. Little bickers about what pizza topping we should get and who forgot to put the cap on the toothpaste. But as the days wore on the more heated we got.

He wants me to quit writing my column. I want him to stop pretending that he wasn't a cheating asshole.

I want him to give me more space. He wants me to stop being such a frigid bitch.

But right when we're about to throw in the towel and give up, we manage to calm down and repeat that it will just take time. If we just keep telling ourselves that then maybe this will be worth it.

The swerving of our car brings me out of my reverie.

"Can you at least _try_ to drive carefully?" I ask.

"Would you like to do it? No? I didn't think so."

I give him the stink eye and turn towards the window. Instead of focusing on the silence I watch the rain roll down the window in streams.

"So that was-"

"Fucking stupid," I cut him off. Did he really expect me to enjoy birdwatching in the rain at Papago Park?

"And what the hell kind of name is Papago?" I ask, because it feels good to let go and make immature remarks.

"Are you really going to bitch about this? Did you hear me complain when you forced me to go to the goddamn library?"

"You're right, you're such a saint. Was screwing Leah just an act of martyrdom?"

He doesn't say anything, just breathes loudly out of his nose and tightly grips the steering wheel. I lean back and enjoy my small victory.

When I'm satisfied that talk time is over I close my eyes and think about all I'm missing. Eating breakfast with Alice and Jasper every morning, the inspiration I used to get every time I pulled out my notebook, but the one thing I miss the most is Edward. I can't even describe the large ache in my chest that just becomes even more pronounced every time I think about him.

"Are you tired," Jacob kindly asks.

"Yeah," I tell him, even though it isn't true. Because that's what we do- when he picks a fight we decide he's just stressed, and when I do the same it's only because I'm tried.

Like clockwork he replies, "It will just take time."

I want to ask him how _much_ time, but I know he doesn't have an answer either.

"What about Jack?"

I open my eyes and turn to him. "Jack?"

"Yeah, I mean it's a simple name but not one you hear too often, you know?"

"What if it's a girl?"

"Jacquelyn?"

"I don't think I like Jack, but Jacquelyn is pretty." Even if we disagree, baby names are the one thing we won't fight about. We both care too much. "Um, I have a middle name picked out, if it's a girl."

"What is it?"

"Sarah."

His face brightens and when he reaches over I let him intertwine my hand with his.

"You would do that?"

"Of course I would, she was your mom." I didn't even have to think about it, I knew how touched he would be by this. I know that if one of my parents were deceased he would do the same thing for me.

"Thank you."

"Your welcome." It's amazing, how this little baby can manage to turn our whole entire day around before they're even born.

"We're almost home. You should take a nap once we get there," he softly tells me.

I squeeze his hand in agreement and then let go. I debate on asking him to join me. I don't think I want to, but it only makes sense.

Twenty minutes later we pull into our driveway and see a small green box on our porch step. We get out of the car and Jacob picks it up, "It's for you." He hands it to me and I can immediately tell from the handwriting who it's from.

I take it and walk calmly into the house, even though my body is buzzing in excitement. I can't let Jacob know who sent it. I take it to the dining room table and wait for him to sit down in front of the tv. Once I hear the sound come on I rip off the lid and dig through the tissue paper.

There's a little piece of white clothing folded into a square. I hold it up and it spreads into a little baby onesie with the Queen band emblem printed on. I want to laugh and I want to cry because it's just so _Edward_.

I put it down and reach for my cell phone out of my purse. I don't know what this means, the last gifts he gave me were as an apology and I don't know what he needs to apologize for this time. Whatever it is, he's giving me hope that we can fix us.

I dial his number, and just as I'm about to hit send I see a flash of silver from the corner of my eye.

I should've known there was something more. Nestled under the last piece of white tissue paper is a picture frame. A sterling silver frame that matches a bracelet and a baby rattle. A frame that is holding _our_ picture, the one placed on a desk in his office.

It's a picture I've seen countless times, but it still manages to make me smile. It shows everything that encompasses our friendship, our playful banter and sweet laughter. But the longer I look at it the more I notice something new, something that's never been there before.

My eyes take one careful sweep over the picture, and it hits me.

There it is, I finally see it. It's in the way I'm tenderly staring down at him, despite my teasing frown. It's how tightly his hand is splayed across my skin, and how close we're unconsciously leaning towards each other. It's in his wide smile, the one that only I can cause.

"_The epiphany, our moment of clarity…It can big or small, but you'll know."_

It really is small, almost inconsequential. But somehow this 5x7 black and white photograph has made me see what I always needed to know.

It's in _everything_.

It's the way he understands exactly what I'm thinking before I can even understand myself. It's from the lust in his eyes when I bite my lip to the gentle expression he has when I rest my hand on my stomach. It's the tingly feeling that washes over me every time we're in the same room.

It's how he walked into my life the day I needed him the most.

Every moment, every single one of our memories, the proof is there.

My heart races and my blood pumps furiously from this newfound epiphany.

He's it. From the day we met it's always been him. He's the only one for me.

"_You'll know that you can't live without him. That it doesn't matter what happens, you have to at least try." _

And I do have to try, because only he can make me happy and whole and _alive_. I'm nothing without him, and no matter how I try to change that I can't. I don't even want to.

"What did you get?"

I hug the photo to my chest and slowly turn around.

"Babe, have you been crying?"

I wipe off my face with the back of my hand. "Jake…"

What were happy tears slowly transform into sad ones, because I know what I have to do.

"What is it?"

"We can't do this anymore. We shouldn't be together."

Instead of being angry he puts his head down. "Who left you that package, Bella?"

"You know who." I don't know how long I wait for him to respond. It could be seconds and it could be minutes.

"Do you love him?"

My voice is barely above a whisper when I say, "Yes."

"Is he why?"

I nod. "But that's not the only reason. You and I, we don't work together anymore. I don't think time will fix us, it's just too-"

"Late," he finishes. Then he asks, "Did you even want to try?"

I nod again and I truly mean it. "I did, and I'm so glad I did."

I mean it because I really do love him, and no matter what happens, I'll never need to wonder _what if_.

"You know it too Jake," I tell him. It will be so much easier if he can see that.

He rubs the stubble on the side of his jaw. "Yeah, I guess I do. I just didn't want to admit it."

I stare at him and think about how much he means to me. I look at my first real friend, my first love, my first husband. Our life flashes before my eyes but I'm okay with that. No, it wasn't twenty seven weeks ago, _this_ is our goodbye.

"So what now?" I ask him. Even though he's not who I can't live without, it will still hurt me to lose him.

He reaches for me and wraps his arms around my body. We take the time to enjoy the comfort of our embrace until he says, "I think this is where you tell me that you'll always love me, and the fact that we even tried already makes us damn good parents."

I press my nose against his shirt and inhale his woodsy scent for the last time. "I'll always love you Jake, and we're fucking awesome parents."

He steps away from me and kisses my forehead. "See you next week?"

I tell him yes and turn back around, not wanting to see him walk away.

I wipe my eyes one more time and take out my car keys. I carefully place the picture in the box, and as my hand slides off the back I feel small raised bumps. I turn the frame around and the elegant cursive I see only strengthens my resolve.

Because it's even in his engraved lyrics from our favorite song.

_Whatever this world can give to me  
It's you, you're all I see_

Edward belongs to me, and I know I'm the only one for him.

It's time that he sees it too.

* * *

**Don't you dare complain. If I didn't end it here then the next part would be ridiculously short, and you really don't want that. **


	25. too late

**Hi. Hello. Shut up. Stop nagging. This isn't where I originally wanted to end this chapter but I figured you beautiful people more than deserved something for waiting so patiently. **

**Last time on MM:**

**I wipe my eyes one more time and take out my car keys. I carefully place the picture in the box, and as my hand slides off the back I feel small raised bumps. I turn the frame around and the elegant cursive I see only strengthens my resolve.**

** Because it's even in his engraved lyrics from our favorite song.**

**_ Whatever this world can give to me  
It's you, you're all I see_**

** He belongs to me, and I'm the only one for him.**

** It's time that he sees it too.**

* * *

-Week 36-

The first thing I do once I get in my car is turn on the windshield wipers and reach for my phone. I scroll through my contacts and press send when it reaches Scottsdale Cosmetic Surgery. If I drive all the way to Edward's house and see that he's not there I know I'll lose my resolve. If I call him on his cell to find out where he actually is I know I'll blurt out all these thoughts and emotions the second I hear his voice, and telling someone you love them for the first time on a cell phone is not exactly romantic. I watch the wipers clear away the soft drizzle as I listen and wait, knowing that Tanya will be the one to answer. This is most definitely a shitty thing for me to do but I have no other options.

"_Thank you for calling Scottsdale Cosmetic Surgery, how may I help you?"_

This voice is raspy and more mature than the one I was expecting. "This isn't Tanya, is it?"

"_This is Siobhan, the new receptionist. Ms. Denali stopped working here last week. Is there anything I can help you with?"_

"Actually, I was wondering if Dr. Masen is working today?"

"_No, Dr. Masen is on vacation this week. Would you like me to leave a message?"_

I tell her, "No thank you," and I hang up the phone. My mind is automatically racing with possibilities of what this means.

Tanya no longer works with Edward. Maybe she just found a new job, but somehow I highly doubt that. Does this mean they had a falling out? No, that's most likely my wishful thinking. And Edward's on vacation? Since when does Edward go more than two days without working?

Of course I eventually settle on the worst scenarios I can think of. They decided to take it to the next level and they didn't think it would be professional to continue working together. Edward took the time off work to help Tanya move into his house. Or maybe they're both in Alaska, and he's meeting her parents for the first time.

He took a week off so he could plan the perfect proposal.

He already did propose and they're getting married in Mexico at this exact moment.

They're in love and I'm too late.

My hand reaches out to turn off the ignition. If I'm already trying to back out now then there is no way I will be able to spill my heart out when I actually see him. This is too hard, I tell myself. Pushing my feelings aside was so much easier than this chance I'm about to take.

But then I think about that picture, and my heart starts to race the same way it did ten minutes ago when I saw it. It's that burst of adrenaline you get when you quit your job or when you send in your college application. It's the feeling that says, "No matter what happens, this will change your life."

And I'm ready for that change… I'm almost desperate for it. I'm tired of hiding and I'm tired of being afraid. From the day I met Edward I've known what I wanted, and now I just have to go get him.

With my renewed courage I put the car in reverse and peel out of the driveway. The rain should worry me but I drive as fast as I think I can get away with, not because I'm afraid I'll change my mind but because I'm done waiting. Even if Edward's not home I'll just keep going until I find him. Even if he is there but with Tanya I'll still walk right in and make him listen to what I have to say.

It's when I turn onto Apache blvd. that I suddenly realize I have no clue what it is that I want to say.

_Hey Edward, remember how I told you just last week that Jacob was the love of my life? Whoops, my bad- I was really talking about you. _

_I've been obsessively in love with you since the first moment I saw your kneecaps in Barnes & Noble. Surprise?_

_Why yes, yes I did just drive over to your house unannounced to interrupt you and your supermodel girlfriend during wild hot sex. Please love me. _

_You complete me. _

_You had me at hello. _

_You're the wind beneath my wings. _

I feel like throwing up.

As I stop at a crosswalk for what I'm guessing to be a group of sorority girls trying to run across the street without getting soaked in their 5-inch hooker heels, I make the grand mistake of catching my reflection in the driver side mirror.

I must have been an awfully horrible person in my past life. Judging by my un-brushed hair, my under eye circles _alla_ heroin addict, and my crusty left-over mascara, Karma has totally made me her bitch.

I take a deep breath and tell myself it shouldn't matter. If this thing works out with Edward then he will most likely be seeing me at my worst in about 4 weeks. Yes, I deserve to have someone love me for me and all that other bullshit our mom's told us girls when we were growing up.

This is the mantra I repeat to myself when I realize that, as crazy as it sounds, people actually you know…_drive_ instead of walk on rainy days, therefore meaning that I'm forced to park a couple blocks away from his loft and run in the rain.

Where the movies make running to your love in the rain all desperate and romantic, it's actually quite the opposite. My hair is matting to my forehead in frizzy clumps, and I'm forced to walk slowly so I don't kill my baby via slipping into a puddle. Like that one episode of _Friends_, my wet squishy flip-flops are practically speaking to me every step I take.

_Squish. Squish._

_Too. Late._

_Squish. Squish._

_Go. Home._

I throw my feet my best shut-the-fuck-up look and when I look back up I see that I am face to face with a big wooden door. Not just any wooden door, but a giant flank of wood that's standing between me, and the one person that I don't want to live without anymore.

I scoff at my melodramatics and take a deep breath. Like ripping off a band-aid, I immediately raise my hand and knock three times without another thought. And when I hear the clank of an opening dead-bolt and I watch the door slowly swing open I suddenly realize two things.

First, worrying about my appearance was a complete waste of energy, because Edward is standing before me with tired bloodshot eyes and wrinkled clothes.

And second, I never even needed a romantic speech or a spoken declaration of my love, because Edward is already kissing me.


	26. push back

We were sixteen. I could tell by the way he kept looking at me that this was the big moment. I reached into my pocket and quickly applied my Dr. Pepper _Lipsmackers _on my dramatic pout- a move I saw on a Nickelodeon show. I remember being more impatient that nervous. I mean come on; I was totally the only 16 year old in the entire world without their first kiss.

I knew, without a doubt in my naive little heart, that this night was about to be _epic_. Fireworks would sprout right from where we were standing on the dock and rain down the sky. Jake would wrap his arms around my waist all Freddie Prince jr. style and my foot would "pop" better than that dumb whore Sarah Michelle Gellar. A herd of mother freakin' swans would swim across the lake in heart shaped unison. I would be able to just barely hear the violins over my crazy fast beating heart.

Of course, none of that happened.

It was awkward and clumsy and messy and….kinda gross.

But this? This second first kiss?

Yeah….it's better than fireworks.

At first Edward is soft and hesitant, holding my face with both hands like he's afraid I'll break away. I let him take the lead, mostly because I'm too shocked to even move, and just feel the way he molds my lips over and over.

But then it gets bolder, like months of pent up frustration and attraction are bursting between our mouths. It's hard but sweet at the same time, and when his hands move from my cheeks to thread though my hair my brain finally kicks into overdrive and I push back. My lips are moving like I'm desperate… or maybe he's the desperate one… but either way we're desperately trying to get _more_.

And then it all stops.

I make a sound that I refuse to admit is a whine and keep my eyes closed shut, waiting for my more.

But after seconds or minutes I finally sigh and slowly open my eyes. There isn't that ashamed face I'm prepared for, just that crooked little grin.

Cocky bastard.

* * *

**Obviously this is just another teaser. My goal is to have this story finished by January 18th (yeah right), and hopefully this little bit will get my fingers moving. **


	27. good byes

I know. You're going to hate me. It's okay because I kinda hate myself too.

When I first started writing this story, at the young and ripe age of 19, I was excited. I was in love with the words of Twilight, had a strange adoration for Taylor Lautner's abs, and was interested to see if my unoriginal teenage dream of becoming a writer could turn into something real.

When I figured out that there was no way in hell I'd ever become an author (probably about chapter 2), I kept writing.

When I realized how much of a popularity contest our fanfiction world became, with the smuttiest stories beating the well-written ones, I still kept writing.

When I received a few nasty reviews that I actually agreed with, I kept slowly writing.

And now that I've lost every amount of appreciation for Twilight and it makes me embarrassed to have even liked it in the first place, I just can't keep writing.

Because it's called _fan_fiction, and I haven't been a fan for a while. And no, don't think I'm judging you if you still are. I just finished eating a whole sleeve of Girl Scout cookies. Come on, who am I to judge anyone?

In all honestly, if it weren't for fanfiction and the Twilight saga movies I probably still would be a fan. Fanfiction: because some of these authors could be bestsellers and have more talent than Stephenie Meyer could ever freaking dream of, and the movies which, in my humble opinion, are piles of cheesy bullshit and Kristen Stewart is the worst actress I've ever seen in my entire life. I'm sorry I'm not sorry for saying that one.

But back to topic- I probably could've made it though my clichés, grammatical errors, and even hundreds of bad reviews…but I just don't have it in me to write when I could care less about my characters and their story. Some great fics can still get me so lost that I completely forget that they're related to Twilight, and I can admit that my story isn't one of them. I know it's absolutely horrible that I end this story when my characters finally came together, but that's just the way it is. Who knows, maybe if I get enough requests I'll manage to spit out an epilogue. All I can say is that I hate when my favorite stories are deleted without me being able to read them one last time, so this is what I can give to you.

I want to thank anyone that is still following me. The first year of this was really fun for me, and all you reviewers brightened my days. Even though I learned quickly that writing wasn't a passion or a future, it made me happy to know that at least you enjoyed it.

Goodbye to you all, and please now excuse me while I go sit in a chair and spin slowly for a couple months. I'll miss you dearly.


	28. Epilogue I

**To be honest, I felt a little silly writing that long ass author's note about why I couldn't keep writing, figuring that no one would really care. I'm very touched by all the nice words you readers left me, especially this little gem from my reader "Allean."**

**"_Fuck you bitch! You pathetic stupid tasteless bitch."_**

**Dear Allean,**

**You're completely right. Moving on from a writing hobby and a book about sparkly vampires makes me pathetic, stupid, tasteless, and a bitch. I think we can all agree that leaving a psychotic review where everyone can read it and without the metaphorical testicles to sign in or send it in a pm where I can actually reply back is of the utmost respect, amiright?**

**Readers, please take the time to give a friendly hello to Ms. Allean….it doesn't sound like the poor girl has much of a life.**

**Stay classy Allean!**

**Now, here is the first part of the Monumental Moments epilogue. Enjoy.**

**

* * *

**

-Epilogue I-

The sun is shining through the curtains and onto my eyes but I squeeze them shut, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as I can. Because once I wake up then it's back to the real world….back to Edward and Tanya and the repercussions of last night. I can feel him next to me. There's his warmth radiating against my back and the soft sounds of his breath. I don't know which is worse; the fact that I slept with my taken best friend or the fact that I don't seem to regret it. The soreness between my thighs just makes it that more real, and despite myself I smile. But of course we can't lay like this forever, so I push myself up and hope it will jostle him awake. Since he's Edward he just rolls to the other side, and when I see his exposed back I get out of that bed before I make this non-mistake mistake twice.

It's funny how when you live someplace for so long that you can walk through the whole house while looking through groggy eyes. As I walk downstairs to the kitchen in my sleepy Edward haze it hits me: This is why my house, now Jake's house, felt so wrong to me. This is my home. Not just because I can get myself a glass of orange juice without looking, but because the comfort, and the memories, and that unique smell that having a place to call home brings.

That is, until I see _Tanya at 8_ marked on tomorrow's date on his magnet fridge calendar. I put my glass down and walk back up to his room with a heavy heart.

As I turn the hallway corner I hear a loud rustling, followed by a thud and a "shit!" I stand in the room doorway and just watch as Edward frantically struggles to put on his jeans while simultaneously combing his hair.

"Um, what are you doing?"

His head snaps toward me and his mouth drops along with his comb. He stands up straight and tries to casually shrug it off.

"I was afraid you left."

I quietly laugh and shake my head. "No, but I should have." Tears spring to my eyes and I sit at the edge of his bed. "Edward….last night was a mistake."

He sits next to me. "Do you honestly feel that way? Because I don't."

I look at his face, the same heartbroken face that greeted me at the door yesterday. "What about Tanya?"

Instead of looking at me in shame he looks at me in…exasperation?

"Really Bella, you think I would have slept with you last night if I was with her? You know me better."

Well, he has a point there, and I hate his smug face when he sees me realize it. "Excuse me, how was I supposed to know? You never tell me anything! For Christ's sake you haven't even talked to me in-"

He grabs the back of my head and pulls my lips towards his. He really has to stop doing that.

"You really have to stop doing that." He plants one more kiss and then lightly tugs my bottom lip with his teeth. "I'm sorry I'm not sorry," he says, "I knew I'd find a way to get you to shut up eventually."

I laugh and slap his chest, his gloriously smooth hard chest, and as much as I want to move my hand downward a dark thought enters my mind.

"You may not have, but I still slept with you not knowing if you were with Tanya still." I think about Jake and Leah and all the months I spent hating them, thinking that there was a black and white in these situations when it could really be just gray. I pull my hand away but he places it in his on his lap.

"Sometimes life isn't so simple," he says. I run my other hand through his hair and ask, "How do you know me so well, Edward Masen?"

"Because I love you."

He says it so simply, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Here we are… half naked with bed head and morning breath, and those three words couldn't have come at a better time.

They may be the reason why we're here right now, but we don't need the grand gestures.

"I love you too."

He kisses my temple and I lean my head on his shoulder. I'm trying to play it calm and collected when I ask, "How long have you known?" but instead I'm screaming.

I feel him shrug, like two can play this game. "Oh, I guess a while. And you?"

"Yeah…I guess a while," I reply, then immediately snap my head up and whine, "Hey, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, why didn't you?" He asks indignantly.

"Touché, Masen."

"That's not an answer, Swan."

I look down and play with my fingers. I'm about to tell him that I didn't think he felt the same way but I don't, because deep down I know it's a lie. For the first time I let the truth come out.

To both of us.

"It was easier to pretend that you didn't. If I could just keep you as a friend, I wouldn't have to risk losing you. I was just afraid."

He grabs my hands again and asks, "Of what?"

"That we wouldn't make it. That you weren't ready for all this and that you would resent me for tying you down."

" And what makes you think it would get that far?" But he's asking me like he already knows the answer.

"Because we're Edward and Bella, there's no one else for us."

Before I have the chance to regret being so open his lips crash against mine.

"I was scared too," he tells me when we finally come back up for air, "You saw my dad, I don't have the first clue about what I'm doing, and…"

I nudge his shoulder with mine. "And?"

He sighs. "I was scared that I wasn't ready for commitment. I told you that I don't do relationships."

I nod my head and we sit there in silence, trying to process everything that's been said. Finally he asks, "Are you mad?"

At first I feel anger towards both of us; we wasted so much time being scared. But then I think that what if we did get together before he was ready, or what if I did regret not giving Jacob a second chance. If this is where we're at today, then it was all worth it.

"No, I'm too happy to be angry," I respond whole-heartedly.

"Good, it's my favorite when you're happy. Does that mean that you don't regret last night?"

"Of course not. It…I mean… was it good?" I know I shouldn't be insecure, but it's kind of hard when you have a protruding belly and just one lover on your record. He may be a changed man, my man, now but it's still Man-ho Masen.

"It was perfect."

It was the answer that I needed to hear. I want to give and tell this man everything, but we're still Edward and Bella and there's time for that later.

I laugh. "The girls are right; you really do have a pregnant fetish."

He hums against my temple. "No, I just have a Bella fetish."

"Cheesy."

"You love it."

"I do."

"And you love me?"

"I do."

I'm trying to think of a lady-like way of asking him to put his hands on me again, but a loud grumble coming from my stomach totally ruins the moment.

He hops off the bed and pulls me up. "You two need to eat."

After we finish our French toast and the _Arizona Republic _crossword puzzle Edward asks me how I'd like the spend the day while he washes the syrupy dishes. It's amazing how serene we are after our morning revelations, and I want to keep being this easy going. I tell him I don't care but he looks at me like I'm lying. Which I am.

"Fine. Would it be incredibly girly and needy if I said I wanted us to lay in bed all day and just…talk?"

He smiles at my sudden insecurity and I feel so stupid. He puts down his dish towel and tells me that he can't think of anything better and I fall in love all over again.

"I still can't believe it, a picture got me here," he says as we snuggle under the covers. I look at him in confusion. "Why don't you believe it, wasn't that the point?"

"That was just part one of the plan. I didn't want to overwhelm you."

"Is that why you waited for a week?"

"Yeah, and I wanted you to be sure about Jake."

"It worked."

He lightly brushes his hand against my forehead. "Like I said, I know how that beautiful brain of yours works."

"So tell me, what else did this ingenious plan entail?" I curiously ask.

"No way," he laughs, "I'm not telling."

A-ha, so there was more to it. "Why not?"

"Because now I have back up gestures for when I eventually screw up."

I like how he says eventually instead of _if_. Even though I doubt he will screw up, it's comforting that he's not expecting everything to be perfect. Still, I feel the need to warn him.

"You know this is going to be hard, right? I mean a baby is hard enough, but there's also Jake and my divorce and your work. I'm not expecting you to just jump feet first into this dad role Edward, but you also can't tip-toe. If you're with me then it has to be all the way."

"Hey, look at me," he says, "you and the baby are already the most important things in my life."

I'm afraid I'll start crying again so I just smile, and he leans his head down to kiss the light scar on my forehead. He looks at me sadly and I know he's thinking about that night so I try to lighten the mood.

"When did you become so touchy feely?"

It works. He gives me the deep chuckle that I love so much. "Are you kidding me, I could never keep my hands off of you."

He starts nibbling at my neck and I think about all the past hand holding and cheek kissing. "I guess it just takes some getting used to."

He pulls back and looks worried. "Is it too much?"

I don't know, is it too much that I want to wear him like this blanket? "No, keep going."

"Good, because I have a lot of time to make up for."

"Oh yeah?"

He places a set of kisses on my lips. "Yeah, like here." He moves down to the dip between my neck and shoulder. "I've always wanted to kiss you here."

"And here." He pulls down the collar of my shirt, his shirt, to reveal the top of my breast. He places soft bites in between kisses and I start to pant.

Then he reaches down and slowly lifts up the hem. "Here," He adds, with one sweet peck on my belly.

Next he skips where I want it most and kisses my ankles, my knees, and the top of my thighs. He goes higher and higher and I want to thank god but he reaches out for my wrist instead.

I'm breathing heavier now, and I know he's feeling it too because it's turning sloppy and desperate, like he can't get close enough. Then finally, right when I'm about to tell him that I can't take anymore, he leans back on his knees and gently pushes my legs apart.

"Oh yes, especially here."


End file.
